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Having a hard time getting anyone's attention

Whattup

Well-Known Member
Hello. I'm female and in my early thirties, and I'm just having a hard time getting anyone to notice me in any way, including romantically. I'm straight, FYI, and even when I did get a guy's attention in my late twenties, they would never commit to me, even after three or six months of dating me. They just wanted to keep dating aimlessly.

It's just hard. I don't consider myself an unattractive woman, but I feel invisible. I was on some dating websites for years, and I keep my profile pictures up to date. No one will return my messages though. And I get maybe one message a month!

It's just frustrating. I take some medications that have caused me to gain some weight, but I see women who are much heavier than myself in relationships, and I can't even get a date. I'm happy for them, but it saddens me that I can't even get a date anymore. I've never had a guy want to call me his girlfriend. Ever.

I guess I'm afraid I'm going to hit forty in several years and still be single! It's embarrassing, and the older I get, the more the dating pool narrows.

Now I'm dealing with health issues. I just wonder if I'll ever get married. It's depressing to think about, because I want that companionship. If I could find it with friends, I wouldn't be so concerned, but I don't have friends either.

Who has actually found someone who loves them, knowing about their AS? Is there anyone here who has additional chronic physical problems who has found love?

Thanks.
 
NT dating strategies don't seem to work with us. I just got involved special interest groups and we gravitated toward each other.
 
I'm sort of in a similar boat. I'm 27 and have rarely dated even though I'm not unattractive (I have shaved my head completely due to premature balding but I've been told it looks great)it always seems like my lack of social skills pushes people away. Most women make me feel invisible which kind of sucks and the women who are interested in me never actually share any of my interests. Which is weird because I have such a wide array of interests. It just seems where I am everyone fits this mold where they all like and say and do the same things and if you're not on board you are forgotten. I never bring up Aspergers because despite the post PC society we live in being on tinder, or Okcupid will show that people our age are actually judgmental as hell and see people as disposable. We have so much access to millions of different people if someone isn't exactly how you want them you leave them for someone else. There's no commitment when you have too many options. Many people will try downplay the importance of romantic relationships but really it's up to you to decide whether or not finding someone is important to you and you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to find love.

However I do have friends and making friends is a bit easier. Just have to go to support groups or get involved in something.
 
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Hello. I'm female and in my early thirties, and I'm just having a hard time getting anyone to notice me in any way, including romantically. I'm straight, FYI, and even when I did get a guy's attention in my late twenties, they would never commit to me, even after three or six months of dating me. They just wanted to keep dating aimlessly.

It's just hard. I don't consider myself an unattractive woman, but I feel invisible. I was on some dating websites for years, and I keep my profile pictures up to date. No one will return my messages though. And I get maybe one message a month!

It's just frustrating. I take some medications that have caused me to gain some weight, but I see women who are much heavier than myself in relationships, and I can't even get a date. I'm happy for them, but it saddens me that I can't even get a date anymore. I've never had a guy want to call me his girlfriend. Ever.

I guess I'm afraid I'm going to hit forty in several years and still be single! It's embarrassing, and the older I get, the more the dating pool narrows.

Now I'm dealing with health issues. I just wonder if I'll ever get married. It's depressing to think about, because I want that companionship. If I could find it with friends, I wouldn't be so concerned, but I don't have friends either.

Who has actually found someone who loves them, knowing about their AS? Is there anyone here who has additional chronic physical problems who has found love?

Thanks.
Are you taking depakote? That made me hungry all the time.
 
I've had three semi-romantic relationships but they
never turned into a live together or want to marry type
outcome.
That's totally my fault though because I never wanted
a relationship beyond a romantic-asexual man friend.
I have had several who asked for marriage, but I guess
they were looking for something I wasn't.
 
I've done a lot of "dating" which is in quotations because I don't really date, I target and acquire, which isn't healthy and has lead to a lot of bad relationships. I'm really bad at making friends but have almost always had a boyfriend.

I've also had a few really awesome relationships that were successful until they fell apart and I met all those people through interest based activities or work and not the internet (although I don't recommend dating your coworkers as a general rule). You should keep using the internet if it works for you though.

It sounds like you've been able to get into some relationships, so think about what you did when you succeeded and try to replicate that behaviour and build on the results.

The reason that this strategy went badly for me is because I focused only on getting the other person to love me and not on what I wanted once I actually achieved that, so if you're worrying about getting married before 40, that might be where you're breaking down because putting that pressure on yourself can cause you to put aside your needs in the beginning, but for something to last after that first part where you're both manic for each other you have to know what you want out of the relationship. If you don't it can fizzle because you've become a cipher to each other's needs and then you have to reset and become your actual selves.

My best relationships have also uniformly happened at times where I was specifically trying not to sleep with anyone and focus on making friends instead and thats how I met my current partner (he was also a customer at my work).
Taking the pressure off lets you shine more because you aren't nervous, and then you can express any interest that emerges by asking to set up a structured hangout and flirting with body language. I copy body language from movies from the 1950s or before while talking like I normally talk and it works pretty well. Don't try to talk like the films unless you're both in on it, but classic Hollywood body language is really good for flirting whatever gender you are.

One thing I'm really bad at is valuing myself, my interests, and my time, and thats where a lot of my relationships break down. Try to notice your patterns, behaviours and preferences, and see if anything emerges.
 
Are you taking depakote? That made me hungry all the time.

I've taken Depakote before, but I was on Abilify for a long time, and after I had to have my gallbladder removed due to inflammation, I gained more weight faster than I ever had before. Now I'm on Rexulti, and it's much friendlier in terms of weight gain.
 
I am 28 and have never dated. At times it really weighs me down and makes me feel lonely. I've never kissed, dated, or even had a romantic hug. Feels like I am missing out on a huge part of living.

However, I think it's important to take time with that kind of thing and be kind to yourself. If your feeling alone then it helps to give yourself space. As some people have said, focus on your friends, passions, work, or maybe find a new hobby?

Right now I am feeling particularly alone but I've made a effort to reach out to friends and hang out with them more. Tell them I love them more. It helps bridge that gap.


Though here is hoping you and I find people! Cheers!
 

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