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Featured Have you ever experienced the following and would you attribute it to Autism?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SpecG, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. SpecG

    SpecG Active Member

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    • Feeling that you must keep conversation flowing in a social group
    • Feeling anxious when unable to keep a conversation flowing
    • Motivation to socialise or even talk to people comes in peaks and troughs - for example you arrange a date to meet up with someone which seems like a good idea at the time but when the date comes around your motivation disappears
    • Needing a lot of personal space to pursue your own interests - I'm not consciously aware of this but I recently made a correlation between the amount of time I spend with my missus when at work vs holiday / free time after work and suspect perhaps that need may be the result of stressors in the work environment
     
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  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I relate to the first three. But I also have a healthy dose of anxiety disorder and social anxiety, so who knows which is which.
     
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  3. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    all. And @Bolletje - I kind of think the anxiety and social anxiety that most of us share stems from the autism. Like, would we be so anxious if we did know how to keep conversations going?

    And often times I find myself so lucky when I've set up to meet with someone and then so dreading it and the other person cancels for some reason. I don't even care about the reason, just thankful. Phew!!!
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    I truly have zero motivation to talk to people. It use to come from social anxiety, now that l am older l have lost the interest to socialize. It's overated to hangout with complete strangers. l think l finally accepted l am a private person, and can't change that aspect of me, nor do l care too. l am comfortable with aloneness.

    But due to many jobs dealing with the public, l can talk to you, probably make you feel like we are the best of friends, maybe make you even laugh. But l just view these as set of social skills and this is always important even if it's masking.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019
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  5. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    All of them, although my spouse tends toward being on the social side and under certain circumstances will keep the conversation going, well beyond what it's intent was originally. Especially if it's one of his interests. If it's one of mine, I can discuss things ad infinitum, but it happens very rarely. I tend toward now at least, creating pauses and silence, if it makes the other person nervous then I'll usually ask a question.

    So yes, somehow I think that it's my job to maintain conversations in certain social settings, in my home, in restaurants, clubs, if people are there at my or my spouses behest. It seems that it is the job of the host or hostess to ensure that everyone has an interesting time.

    I've also made plans for an evening out, and didn't want to go when the time came. Alone time is essential, my spouse used to require two days of it after a work week. I need that sort of thing as well, often, I would disappear at family and friends events for some time to myself and return later, or leave early.
     
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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    l truly find my social circle is very small and will always stay that way.
     
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  7. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    @Pats honestly, that’s the reason I try to limit my social interactions while sober. When I have a little alcohol in my system I’m suddenly super smooth because I forget to worry.
     
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  8. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    I have no motivation to talk to people, however, when pushed into a situation, I rather they talk, but stupid me, ends up hogging the conversation and I hate it so very much.

    I had a couple of people over yesterday to see me ( I found out) and although they are a lovely couple, I was so eager for them to go, because of wanting to get back to what I was doing, but had to go shopping and wanted that out of the way.

    Last time, not so long ago, I hid in the bedroom and did my favourite thing.
     
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  9. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I experience all of those things.
    I don't know if they are directly or indirectly related to autism, but probably somehow related.
     
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  10. SpecG

    SpecG Active Member

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    I used to live in shared houses a lot from about 18-32 and would hate communal areas like kitchens or lounges and would hide in my room feeling anxious until they went into their room and then would feel anxious and alert when using it just in case I thought I could hear someone heading in my direction.

    I lived with friends as well as strangers but would be like this most of the time because I had no motivation to make small talk.
     
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  11. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I had the exact same experience. I lived in shared space flats for 10 years and hated every moment of it. I didn’t eat properly for a long time because my flat mates hung out in the kitchen a lot, so I just ate crackers which I stashed in my room. At some point the anxiety got so bad I started peeing in the sink in my room rather than brave the communal area to go to the bathroom. That’s when I decided I just really couldn’t handle communal living.
    These days I live with my boyfriend, who is just as weird as I am, so I have no trouble being around him and talking to him.
     
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  12. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I just pretend to be Batman. He doesn't socialize much anyway.
     
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  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor

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    Yes and no yes because autism could be included and no because it also could be categorised as psychological immaturity, lack of socialisation .
     
  14. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I never could join in a a conversation in a social group. I don't process as fast as other people, and by the time I'm ready with my reply, someone else has already started speaking and I lose my chance, then the conversation moves on. And people tend to ignore me or talk over the top of me. Pointless really, I usually switch off to group conversations.
    Yes, if one to one. I have this difficulty.
    Yes, definitely - more so when younger. I rarely socialise now. I used to want to socialise, but then not be able to handle it when it came to doing it. Or I didn't like it, things went wrong because I was very socially naive or inept. Made a lot of mistakes.

    Yes, I need to have my own space and to be alone. My partner and I have different things we do at home, so we each do our own thing and go out together to do shopping or gardening or for a walk.
     
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  15. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    *bubbles in "all of the above"*
     
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  16. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I lived in halls of residence at university and had this exact same problem... I remember I bought a coffee machine for my room because I didn't want to go into the kitchen when someone else was there. I wanted to be alone. I resented that if I went into the kitchen and there was someone there, they might want to talk and I would have to interact with them. I wanted to stay in my head It felt like an intrusion. Also, I was inconsistent... one day I could talk to them, then the next day I couldn't/shut down on them and didn't speak or avoided them, and I think they found that a bit weird. It's one reason why I couldn't make and keep friends easily.
     
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  17. Michael Balog

    Michael Balog Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I never knew anyone else had this same problem as me! It's kind of a relief that I'm not alone in feeling like that.
     
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  18. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I think it's quite common among people with ASD.
     
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  19. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    I relate to all three. Earlier this year I was anti social I did not socialize with anyone outside my family. Since attending life groups and Church I socialize much more but it is so draining. I try but often fail to maintain an conversation and still get quite nervous talking but I try to push myself through.

    Because of this I often need time by myself in my room or taking walks around my neighborhood which I why I reduced myself to only one life group on Wednesday and Sunday service. I dropped the other groups because they were too social stressful. So I need balance.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019
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  20. Rectify

    Rectify Active Member

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    I relate to the last three. Re the first point I don't think it's my responsibility only. Generally it's a give and take situation, though there might be times when someone does more because the other person is not able to for whatever reason.
    But, yeah, I do feel anxious not being able to keep things flowing. Actually I feel anxious when things do flow because I often pick apart what I said later on and it makes me feel....agh!
    The reason why I make arrangements and then regret it is because I feel I should. I want to have connections to people, I want to know them. I don't want to be alone when I really need someone, with no one to call, and I don't want to be someone who doesn't ever make effort for others. However, it's a rare occasion when a social event I've arranged doesn't cause me stress in the lead up and then I have to force myself to go. I'm usually glad afterwards though.
    Space? Yes. Lots of space, thank you :)
     
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