Has anyone ever gone through what I have been through?

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

I was born in 1956. Back then, doctors were not that smart. As a child, I had unexpected rages. There was no help for children like me. My father's response initially was to spank me with his hands on my pants. But it got worse. Eventually, even a leather belt wasn't enough. I got abused a lot. When I was nine, I was sent away to an institution where I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. I spent two years there. When I came home, the abuse continued. At the age of seventeen, I was sent away again. I went to college for six years. When I was in college at one point in time, I was having problems with stress and the medical staff there gave me tranquillizers without a prescription. I became addicted to them. After I dropped out, I ended up working on my car one day and I exploded. That put me in a maximum security hospital. I have been treated like garbage by the medical faculty.

I have spent my entire life living with Asperger's syndrome. I have few friends, I have never been able to hold down a job, I have been homeless many times, and I have had two drug overdoses. While I was homeless the many times, my parents never lifted a finger to help me. I was living in Vancouver, BC on less than $500 per month. One can of food a day. After my father died, my mother's excuse for my abuse was they didn't know.

Now, I live alone. I have no friends I can see. I live in poverty. I have two brothers who have never suffered anything. My parents helped them. They both have homes, families, and money. Neither one has more than a grade twelve education. They have never lived in poverty. My youngest brother won't even call me.

So I have learned the reality of family. Parents only care about children that have no handicaps. Parents only love children who are born normal. Children who are born with Asperger's will end up living their lives in poverty while their siblings live in luxury.

Unfortunately, I have a nephew with Asperger's. He is lucky sort of. His father never abused him. However, he will never be able to live on his own. He has a brother and sister. They will end up getting married, having a home and a family, and yes, having money. My nephew will have to watch as they live their lives with no worries. He will have to live in poverty. I hope he doesn't end up committing suicide. I wish I could help him but I am not able to have contact with him because of my brother.

So, I hope others have not had these experiences. I just wish that parents would care enough about their children to ensure they do not suffer.

 

[Chrysanthemum]

I was born in 1956. Back then, doctors were not that smart. As a child, I had unexpected rages. There was no help for children like me. My father's response initially was to spank me with his hands on my pants. But it got worse. Eventually, even a leather belt wasn't enough. I got abused a lot. When I was nine, I was sent away to an institution where I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. I spent two years there. When I came home, the abuse continued. At the age of seventeen, I was sent away again. I went to college for six years. When I was in college at one point in time, I was having problems with stress and the medical staff there gave me tranquillizers without a prescription. I became addicted to them. After I dropped out, I ended up working on my car one day and I exploded. That put me in a maximum security hospital. I have been treated like garbage by the medical faculty.

I have spent my entire life living with Asperger's syndrome. I have few friends, I have never been able to hold down a job, I have been homeless many times, and I have had two drug overdoses. While I was homeless the many times, my parents never lifted a finger to help me. I was living in Vancouver, BC on less than $500 per month. One can of food a day. After my father died, my mother's excuse for my abuse was they didn't know.

Now, I live alone. I have no friends I can see. I live in poverty. I have two brothers who have never suffered anything. My parents helped them. They both have homes, families, and money. Neither one has more than a grade twelve education. They have never lived in poverty. My youngest brother won't even call me.

So I have learned the reality of family. Parents only care about children that have no handicaps. Parents only love children who are born normal. Children who are born with Asperger's will end up living their lives in poverty while their siblings live in luxury.

Unfortunately, I have a nephew with Asperger's. He is lucky sort of. His father never abused him. However, he will never be able to live on his own. He has a brother and sister. They will end up getting married, having a home and a family, and yes, having money. My nephew will have to watch as they live their lives with no worries. He will have to live in poverty. I hope he doesn't end up committing suicide. I wish I could help him but I am not able to have contact with him because of my brother.

So, I hope others have not had these experiences. I just wish that parents would care enough about their children to ensure they do not suffer.

I’m very sorry to hear what you have gone through.

I don’t know about your family situation, but I feel that sometimes, parents may actually want the best for the children but be misguided as to how to raise them.

Why do you think your nephew will “never be able to live on his own”? What do you mean by “live on his own”? Perhaps progress in the areas of independent living or social skills can be made so that your nephew would be able to live on his own if he wants or has to? Do you think that your fear of your nephew committing suicide is because your nephew is truly at risk of doing so or not?

Are there any resources at all where you live that can help people with additional needs including people with autism and Asperger’s?

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

My nephew has been protected from the outside world. He was pulled from high school. They tried home teaching but that didn't work. He spends all his time in his room on his computer playing games with people around the world. When he comes out of his room, he doesn't usually wear clothes except for some shorts. He won't eat the food placed before him. Fortunately, he has never been abused but he is aggressive and is quite large. Without an education and no social skills, he will never be able to function on his own.

The reason I feel he may experience suicidal thoughts is because he really has no friends. I have been dealing with suicidal tendencies all my life. Fortunately, I have a strong belief in God and that has saved me. My nephew has no idea of religion because his family do not believe in God. I worry that in the future, after his parents cannot take care of him, and he finds himself alone, he may not be able to cope with society.

I live in a rural area. There are no real support systems available. In Canada, there have been cutbacks to mental health. It really is unfortunate, but that is how things are in Canada.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Amanda

 

[tree]

 

[Chrysanthemum]

My nephew has been protected from the outside world. He was pulled from high school. They tried home teaching but that didn't work. He spends all his time in his room on his computer playing games with people around the world. When he comes out of his room, he doesn't usually wear clothes except for some shorts. He won't eat the food placed before him. Fortunately, he has never been abused but he is aggressive and is quite large. Without an education and no social skills, he will never be able to function on his own.

The reason I feel he may experience suicidal thoughts is because he really has no friends. I have been dealing with suicidal tendencies all my life. Fortunately, I have a strong belief in God and that has saved me. My nephew has no idea of religion because his family do not believe in God. I worry that in the future, after his parents cannot take care of him, and he finds himself alone, he may not be able to cope with society.

I live in a rural area. There are no real support systems available. In Canada, there have been cutbacks to mental health. It really is unfortunate, but that is how things are in Canada.

How old is your nephew?

If not friends, does your nephew has acquaintances outside the family? Does he want friends or not?

In what way is your nephew is aggressive? In what way do you think your nephew struggles with social interaction?

You say your nephew won’t eat the food placed before him, but does he eat any food other than the food places before him? Do you think there is a reason for your nephew’s refusal to eat the food placed before him (some people may not like the texture of certain foods, but I guess there may or may not be another reason)?

Does your nephew have basic academic skills such as basic reading, writing, and basic arithmetic skills? If he got to high school, unless he got to high school having previously failed many of his classes or was receiving a very modified curriculum surely he has some academic skills?

There are many different kinds of jobs; some may not require as much formal education and/or social interaction as others. For example, jobs that may not require high levels of education could include janitor, bus driver, catering, office work, retail, plumbing, gardening, sewing, warehouse keeper and others. Do you think your nephew would be capable of getting a job now or in the future at all?

Do you know what your nephew’s parents think of his independent living ability?

 

[unperson]

Hi Amanda,

Can relate, was born a year later than you, my parents planned to institutionalise me at about 17 (unbeknownst to me), but the medical system here changed (I don't live in the US) and that was no longer an option, the 'girl interrupted' thing. Can relate to the siblings thing as well, but it's a long story...

Was I better off for not being institutionalised, I don't know, I did get some work and some qualifications, I have a degree, did find some social life when younger, but now I'm alone again. I also take my faith seriously.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

How old is your nephew?

If not friends, does your nephew has acquaintances outside the family? Does he want friends or not?

In what way is your nephew is aggressive? In what way do you think your nephew struggles with social interaction?

You say your nephew won’t eat the food placed before him, but does he eat any food other than the food places before him? Do you think there is a reason for your nephew’s refusal to eat the food placed before him (some people may not like the texture of certain foods, but I guess there may or may not be another reason)?

Does your nephew have basic academic skills such as basic reading, writing, and basic arithmetic skills? If he got to high school, unless he got to high school having previously failed many of his classes or was receiving a very modified curriculum surely he has some academic skills?

There are many different kinds of jobs; some may not require as much formal education and/or social interaction as others. For example, jobs that may not require high levels of education could include janitor, bus driver, catering, office work, retail, plumbing, gardening, sewing, warehouse keeper and others. Do you think your nephew would be capable of getting a job now or in the future at all?

Do you know what your nephew’s parents think of his independent living ability?

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

I have no contact with my nephew. I worry about him though. I know what I have gone through in my life and I hope he doesn't have to experience the pain I have felt at the hands of others. For me, it is difficult dealing with the loneliness and lack of income. I never learned how to make friends. When others were dating in High School, I was involved in the army. Yes, I served my country. There are no support groups where I live. Many people have no idea what Asperger's Syndrome is. I had a job for two days in July. I worked hard but after the second day, the manager said he was letting me go. He would not give a reason. I can only assume that he figured out that I had people skills. So, I live on my disability pension. It is not much. It is better than nothing though. Unfortunately, when you are born into a family with two younger siblings who have no handicaps, in my case, my parents put more emphasis on them than me. When I graduated college the first time, they never came to my graduation. One of my brothers got two good jobs because of my father. If all three of us were dealt the same poker hand, then that would have been different. You can't do much with five jokers.

 

[Pats]

Hi Amanda, and welcome. Did you know your entire life you had aspergers? I was born in 57 in the U.S. and aspergers and autism just was not a thing. I was the youngest of 4, so I had siblings I learned to mimic (mostly my brother because I thought he was funny and I liked making people laugh, too). But I was forced to act normal, which never quite matched what would be going on inside and it was always hard work.
There was abuse in my home growing up, but mostly my older siblings - I would not do the things they got in trouble over and when they were being whipped, I was in a corner in my bedroom, hiding and rocking. When I DID get in trouble, it was always over something I was innocent of, but there was no talking to my dad.
I'm sorry you went through all you did and sorry you were sent to an institution to be abused there.
Glad you're here.

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

I was not diagnosed till I was 54 years old. I had been labeled many things before that. Everything from epileptic, manic depressive, bipolar, schizophrenic and ADHD. I was the oldest in my family. My brothers were not abused because they did not act out. My father was abused as a kid by my grandfather. Monkey see, monkey do. Fortunately for me, I have never hurt a child in any form in all my life. I did not want to be like my father. I still get nightmares. I am a very big person. While in the military, I learned how to kill. Yet, I am a gentle person. It just bothers me to know that I could have had a good loving childhood if my parents had taken the time to really find out what was wrong.

 

[Fino]

Due to the extent of your experiences, I wouldn't be surprised if no one alive has been through what you've been through. How is it that you believe in God amidst all you described? Are you ever angry with God?

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

I used to get upset with God but over time I have come to understand that there is no challenge that I cannot overcome. I still don't understand why I have to suffer, but it is what it is. I am sure there are people out there that have been through a lot more. God only challenges you to the point that you can handle. That is my testimony.

 

[Aspychata]

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story. Your path has been so difficult yet you come and talk so openly here. We all stand to learn something from you. You stepped out of yourself to care about your family member. l am so taken back that you care so much despite the cards handed to you. May you find comfort in this forum and may you help us understand how you have survived and still see and believe in all of us.

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

My story is water downed. I am a survivor. I wish that people that are afflicted with this terrible condition don't have to experience what others like myself have had to go through.

 

[Thinx]

Hi Amanda, welcome. I'm so sorry for what you have been through, and glad you have found us here, where you hopefully will find many others somewhat like yourself and who know how it is to experience the world differently from neurotypical people. There are many interesting threads you may want to read and I hope you enjoy it here.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome Amanda.
I am a year younger and you are correct, back then ASD wasn't thought about.
I had no siblings and grew up not caring for having friends.
My parents were my life. I trusted them and they loved me unconditionally even though they knew
there was something different and even though I acted out.
Traditional spankings or the belt from my Dad didn't work. I just rebelled back.
Eventually they learned I was going to do as I was going to do, so they did nothing about it
and let me live as I wanted: at home and isolated. Home school High School.
We lived close to a University so I didn't have to live away from home and I got several degrees.
I was a pharmacist for 12 years but became too stressed to continue working, I also had
a physical disability and now that I am older and alone, (both parents are dead), my disability income
is so small all I can afford is to rent two rooms and a bath with kitchen privileges from a man I know
who wanted some extra help when my Mom died.

It isn't easy. I haven't been institutionalized as you were although I have had a number of stays in
a general hospital's psych unit for depression and panic attacks.
I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 56 when I found I couldn't stand living alone yet didn't like
living with anyone else besides my parents.

I understand your concern for your nephew.
That is part of the reason I come here everynight is in the hope something I have lived through might
be of some help to someone else.
It has helped me finding the forum. Hope it does you too.

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

We have similar experiences. I too spent time in and out of hospitals. I was born with learning disabilities as well. However, I didn't let that stop me from learning. I went to community college for six years. However, I was never able to hold a job. I worked hard and did jobs no one else would want to do.

What is frustrating is that everyone I grew up with became successful. They all had homes, families, and none of them were ever homeless or went hungry. Neither of my two younger brothers have an education yet they have always had money. My father and mother never lifted a finger to help me when I was homeless and cold.

Even after my father died, my mother never acknowledged that my illness was as bad as my nephew's was. The good thing if you can call it good is that my nephew has no idea what it is like to be raped at the age of ten or to be physically and emotionally abused. He has no idea yet what it is like to be thrown into a hospital against his will.

While I was locked up in a maximum security hospital for the insane, my grandmother died and was not allowed to go to the funeral. After that, I stopped being a Canadian. Now whenever the national anthem is played, I leave the room.

Some people with Asperger's have parents and support people that treat them with respect. Too bad I didn't.

 

[oregano]

I was lucky to be an only kid, and to be loved at least by my mom and her parents (who only had one kid and thus only one grandkid) who kept me from being homeless. My dad's parents had several normal grandkids so of course they didn't care about me. The thing is that society only values a person for how much they can "produce" meaning make the elites rich. I tend to agree and have always seen myself as inferior due to this. I have always said that I would be more than happy to jump in an oven if a rich person could use the resources I suck up more productively. I have heard that the Canadian govt uses homeless people as targets for live fire army practice and dumps them in the far north to freeze to death. Around here we have those mysterious death squads that kill the homeless. At least the institutions are a thing of the past in the US.