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"Half-Wondering" (Am I Really An Aspie?)

StevieRhi

StevieRhi

Active Member
Hi there! Again...
So two days ago or so I joined this site. I wasn't very detailed in my introductory thread.

At the end I said that I believe I have Asperger's and that while my neurodiverse and neurotypical traits are of a similar number (ND Score: 110 of 200, NT Score: 107 of 200. That's the first test I took, the second said something like ND Score: 114 of 200, ND Score: 107 of 200. The third and most recent said I had an ND Score of 98 and an NT Score of 101. I was being very anal with the third test. Either way, it said I seem to have neurotypical and neurodiverse traits) that this "feels right". (<----This paragraph has horrible formatting, I'm sorry)

And it does feel right.
But I'm finding that I don't exhibit a lot of the common traits, leading me to doubt my self-diagnosis. Perhaps I was too desperate to find some sort of solution, and jumped on the most plausible answer? I wouldn't exactly put it past me.

So what do YOU think?


Traits I DO Exhibit

  • Social awkwardness
-Difficulty forming and maintaining friendships

  • Empathy
- Less empathetic than the average person (EQ: 11/80 on one test; 38/100 on another)
- Difficulty forming + lack of emotional bonds
- Difficulty understanding why things might offend people
- Uncomfortable in emotional situations

  • Behavior
- Noticing patterns (Not always. I do this when I have nothing else to do-- for instance, observing how males and female walk and sit. [I think this is interesting so i'll share it with you: When sitting on a floor, males tend to have at least one leg arched or lifted in some fashion. Females sit with their legs crossed together {"criss-cross applesauce"}. When walking, males tend to point their feet slightly outward. Females point theirs inward. Males are more likely to break this 'rule'.])
- "Info-dumping"
- Lots of research on something that takes my interest (but then I move on after a little while... :/ )




Traits I DO NOT Exhibit

  • A need for routine
  • Obsessive behaviour (Finding that one area of expertise, you know. Actually I have a broad range of interests, but none of them are particularly deep.)
  • Feeling uncomfortable when making eye contact (It's no problem in conversation. But I don't like it in hallways or at tables [with people on the other side] where I feel like I have no choice but to stare straight ahead. Usually I look around or down or read instead.)
  • Sensory sensitivity/ Heightened sensitivity


Traits I'm Not Sure About
  • Anxiety in social situations (I can carry on small talk for a little while, but only if I'm comfortable with that person... or better yet, I don't know them at all. There's something safe about the anonymity. In a group of friends I would feel at ease. In a group of acquaintances--of maybe three or more.... That's a different story ;-;. If I can't get involved and stay involved in a conversation I start to feel very uncomfortable. Twice I felt very anxious, and my chest and back seized up during the attempt, and I cried afterwards.
  • Stimming. When I'm alone in my room I often pace and jump and wring my hands, but that's just what happens when I daydream. Occasionally I feel the need to blink hard or push on my eyes or make noises in the back of my throat for stretches of time. I used to attempt to tickle myself,but i haven't done that in a very long time.
  • Meltdowns and Shutdowns. I'm more inclined to say I don't experience these things, but there have been just a few times where I seem to break down. I was crying but tired at the same time but i didn't even know why. Another time, after an argument I just felt so drained. I didn't want to do any of the plans I had made (good old-fashioned binge-watching with myself). Or any work. I wasn't really mad, or sad, at that point... Maybe annoyed. I didn't feel like doing anything, and I was suddenly, massively tired, so I just went to sleep.




Ugh. That took a long time.

Hey... Want to bet I'm overthinking the whole thing? :p
I
 

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I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to question your self-diagnosis. Just as any scientist should do, questioning a conclusion can lead to further research and deeper understanding.

Many who are self diagnosed question it from time to time. I think if you spend more time here talking with people and reading it will become clearer.

And don't forget that tests were designed for males and that females are different, and even more importantly: we are all individuals and we don't all fit the pattern. Traits are manifested in different ways. :herb:
 
Hmm, some of the traits you've mentioned are things that are gradually being debunked, and were believed at first due to NT people just not understanding how our brains work, and often assuming things. For example, the empathy thing, that's a biggie. It's actually beginning to look as though an over-saturation of empathy/emotional overload can be an issue for a lot of Autistic people, rather than the other way around. That's not to say that we're all like that, but it's an example of how the understanding is changing. Often people assume we aren't creative/lack imagination also, but that one doesn't work for me either, because I'm a writer :p

I'm diagnosed, and I don't fit a lot of the traits we're 'supposed' to have. I'm not obsessive about order (I'm quite messy and often disorganised when it comes to general stuff and things), but I do remember things that need to be done, so that saves me most of the time. In saying that, I do tend to do little things the same way every time (matching the clothes pegs on the washing line, stacking dishes in a certain way after I've washed them in a certain order etc).

I don't know that I've ever had a proper meltdown either. I tend to have shutdowns when I become overwhelmed, and I have to hide and do, well... nothing, in order to get balanced again.

Anxiety, well that's another thing, and I don't consider it part of Autism itself, rather an unfortunate co-morbid condition that we often suffer because the world can be a tricky place when the rulebook is confusing (or missing).

Anyway, welcome to AC, you're in the right place to ask questions :)
 
It's pretty common for females to not score very highly on these tests or to get results that could go either way, I am a weird exception as I get very high (or low in the case of EQ) results in comparison to most men DX with Asperger's but I think I am reasonably NT acting (some people who know me but not that well said they would not have guessed I am likely to have AS because I hide it well) and even I don't have all the traits an Aspie is 'meant' to have-don't think anyone does.

I haven't been diagnosed myself yet and when I first joined this forum, I still had my doubts over whether I had AS or not, but being on this forum a while and seeing how similar others are to me and having several 'aha' moments, I am now close to 100% certain. Before about a year ago I thought it was impossible to have AS as I thought those with AS always had perfect executive functioning (I do not) and were all good at maths (I am good at mental arithmetic and some aspects of geometry but nothing else).
 
I started out as a self-diagnosed autie after exploring a different set of issues until I got a pro confirmation and I still question my assessment ;)

A professional diagnosis is generally only needed when you require additional support.The entire process is a very subjective event to begin with. (opinion)
I never required support,so not being diagnosed by a pro was never an issue for me.

I often stress that it would be impossible to place a number on the autie population due to how many of us out there that never questioned that they were different.

Welcome aboard and learn what you can :)
 
StevieRhi said:
EDIT: I do not, and have not, experienced meltdowns. I was gravely mistaken.
Click to expand...
No one can diagnose you like this. I Google info.Then take tests again and see where I was fooling myself. It's been a week of studying and testing...I feel very close to seeing myself objectively. This kinda thing can't be rushed.
 
There are other reasons why one may want a diagnosis. In my case, I know getting support after diagnosis is not likely on the NHS. The main reason I want a formal diagnosis is for my own piece of mind really and also to provide closure to my dad. Also so medical professionals are aware that I have additional needs should I be admitted to hospital, or re-enter the educational system etc. :)
 
Astroganga said:
There are other reasons why one may want a diagnosis. In my case, I know getting support after diagnosis is not likely on the NHS. The main reason I want a formal diagnosis is for my own piece of mind really and also to provide closure to my dad. Also so medical professionals are aware that I have additional needs should I be admitted to hospital, or re-enter the educational system etc. :)
Click to expand...
I was the same. I was diagnosed for my own piece of mind, and in order to understand myself better. I'm not sure that it's worked (yet), but now I know why I always felt so different. I have a sense of a solid grounding in a way, in that if others have an issue with me it's not because I haven't tried to understand them, it's that they haven't tried to understand me! Diagnosis was a foundation for me, and I do feel more stable because of it.
 
Sass said:
I was the same. I was diagnosed for my own piece of mind, and in order to understand myself better. I'm not sure that it's worked (yet), but now I know why I always felt so different. I have a sense of a solid grounding in a way, in that if others have an issue with me it's not because I haven't tried to understand them, it's that they haven't tried to understand me! Diagnosis was a foundation for me, and I do feel more stable because of it.
Click to expand...

You've said it better than I ever could
 
laurag9g9g9 said:
No one can diagnose you like this. I Google info.Then take tests again and see where I was fooling myself. It's been a week of studying and testing...I feel very close to seeing myself objectively. This kinda thing can't be rushed.
Click to expand...

That's true. I've been doing some thinking; I think my meltdowns are just very seldom, since I don't really have any sensory issues or stress. My shutdowns occur more so, but they're not exactly often, either.
 
shinkansen said:
Have you been professionally diagnosed ? Would you like to have a professional diagnosis ? How would diagnosis help you ?
Click to expand...

I have not, but would like, a professional diagnosis. I think it would help me understand myself better, and just give me peace of mind like Sass said.
 
Astroganga said:
It's pretty common for females to not score very highly on these tests or to get results that could go either way, I am a weird exception as I get very high (or low in the case of EQ) results in comparison to most men DX with Asperger's but I think I am reasonably NT acting (some people who know me but not that well said they would not have guessed I am likely to have AS because I hide it well) and even I don't have all the traits an Aspie is 'meant' to have-don't think anyone does.

I haven't been diagnosed myself yet and when I first joined this forum, I still had my doubts over whether I had AS or not, but being on this forum a while and seeing how similar others are to me and having several 'aha' moments, I am now close to 100% certain. Before about a year ago I thought it was impossible to have AS as I thought those with AS always had perfect executive functioning (I do not) and were all good at maths (I am good at mental arithmetic and some aspects of geometry but nothing else).
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot! I hadn't really thought of the difference between males and females. I found this site http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/wp_a58d4f6a.html and it cleared up a lot of things. lots of "'aha' moments".
 
Sass said:
Hmm, some of the traits you've mentioned are things that are gradually being debunked, and were believed at first due to NT people just not understanding how our brains work, and often assuming things. For example, the empathy thing, that's a biggie. It's actually beginning to look as though an over-saturation of empathy/emotional overload can be an issue for a lot of Autistic people, rather than the other way around.
Click to expand...

I've read that too. I just phrased it that way because it feels that way, most of the time. But it also feels like overload, in certain situations.

Might I ask, what else have I mentioned that's being debunked?
 
StevieRhi We are very alike in that we appear not to be on the spectrum, yet clearly by our own experiences, isolation and understanding we are and are simply proof of the immense diversity that comes with being on 'the spectrum'. Are you a 'doll' in real life by the way ?
 
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