Guys approach other guys not the other way around.

[Tony Ramirez]

Have you noticed and for people with ASD it's nerve racking but guys will approach other guys for a conversation but girls rarely if hardly ever approach guys unless they know them already.

At my last Church event a guy approached me to talk and exchange numbers. Only girls that approached I knew was her husband and two other girls from prayer.

Then today at the park a guy approached me for an conversation which I did not want to have so I nodded after saying a few words and left. Now if it was a girl it would have been different but that actually rarely happens only actually happened in college and I was so anti socially I literally use to run away.

 

[Fino]

A girl approaching a guy would likely immediately be construed by the guy as a romantic or sexual advance. Plus, women have been made to feel unsafe in our society.

 

[simetra]

Speaking from personal experience, trying to befriend men by approaching them as a woman has never gone well for me. They all concluded I am actively seeking sexual relations. That is mainly because society makes a connection between proactive women and the femme fatale / slut trope as part of construing women as passive as opposed to their "active counterpart", men. And unfortunately, it's all about sex.

 

[Progster]

Yes, that's one thing that is annoying and that I don't get... if a woman talks to a man, does it always have to be about sex?? Why does sex even have to be involved (or implied even), it's just a conversation?? But unfortunately it's true that men often think if a woman talks to them, she is interested sexually and is fair game. It took me a long time to catch onto this when I was younger, and it caused me some problems/misunderstandings.

Here, if you go to a party, or even out with a group of friends, what typically happens is that all the women will bunch up at one end of the table and talk amongst themselves, then the guys will be at the other end, also talking amongst themselves. Why can't they all have a conversation, all together? It's one reason why I never really liked these parties, I just don't fit into this polarization at all, I just sit off to the side on my own in that kind of situation and don't belong to either group.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

The only woman that approach you are your mother's or Grandmother's age. I also did not think about the whole sex thing is that what woman think men are all about.

The only times I had a woman approached me after for a conversation was when I was attending one church group last year. She still greets me when she sees me. Otherwise it's a rarity.

At Church when we use to meet before the pandemic I only had someone my mother's age approached me Otherwise almost everyone it was some random guy that approached me for a greeting

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Now this song is on my mind.

 

[menander]

If it is not about sex, why do you mind if they are your Gramma's age or your mom's age?

 

[Sara3]

Very important message: a woman approaching a man doesn't mean she is sexually interested in him. If that is the way society think of women I don't blame women for not approaching men. We are humans and we also look for friendships and people who share common interests.

 

[Jumpback]

A girl approaching a guy would likely immediately be construed by the guy as a romantic or sexual advance. Plus, women have been made to feel unsafe in our society.

A complicating factor, though, is a good percentage of the time women have approached me, I have found out later that they are interested but I had not realized that they were interested, or I assumed that they wanted to be friends or were just being friendly or just happened to be in the same places I was, but they ended up liking me, or like I would be in the friend zone as a backup or something. Or they just didn’t mind being around me because I am not bad looking and am passive. Or I just have more easily become friends with women than with men.

Whenever I think I am making a straight male friend, they usually ended up being closeted gay guy and are interested in me

I’ll try to explain: I met these two girls through talking about their dog at a coffee place in college, the three of us visited where I grew up and where the one girl grew up, and then third girl was planning to visit where she grew up in Hawaii and I went with them to Hawaii, also making friends with a sister of the girl from Hawaii. Later I met this girl who who went to bars at large college campus where I lived since she went to a smaller college campus, she and her friends would visit on weekends and stay with me so they could visit large college campus night life scene. I also met other girl in my building who was a dancer who had been in local commercial and I was interested in old musicals and she taught me dance moves. I went with her to things and drove her to class and so on sometimes.

Then I thought I was making a straight male friend, since he approached me a lot and I had sexual assault issues before this which women didn’t seem to understand why they affected me so much and he had childhood molestation issues, so I thought I made a straight male friend with similar issues to those I had experienced who would understand my predicament, but it slowly developed that he was in love with me and did various things to get rid of these women and became very sexually aggressive including getting drunk and me needing to fight him off. Girls I liked were banned for being bad influences or whatever and I lost all these female friends due to his insistence that our phone number be his old phone number and banning and such

I guess that my adult realities are just opposite everything that is supposed to happen

For awhile I had this college football roommate in the dorms, who was also rather attractive, who had women calling him constantly. He literally told me to “erase all messages from women on the answering machine, but don’t erase messages from men.” I never figured out what was going on.

I also, at one point, lived next door to someone who ultimately was a Heisman trophy winner, and there was a constant stream of different women there.

I just do not doubt a single thing that women say, especially here, but these things just have nothing in common with what I have seen or experienced.

 

[Jumpback]

Have you noticed and for people with ASD it's nerve racking but guys will approach other guys for a conversation but girls rarely if hardly ever approach guys unless they know them already.

At my last Church event a guy approached me to talk and exchange numbers. Only girls that approached I knew was her husband and two other girls from prayer.

Then today at the park a guy approached me for an conversation which I did not want to have so I nodded after saying a few words and left. Now if it was a girl it would have been different but that actually rarely happens only actually happened in college and I was so anti socially I literally use to run away.

To try the explain a counterpoint, my experience tells me if that if you are really good looking with a good career and are stable and normal, the number of girls approaching you at church might be overwhelming (see my previous explanation). But if you are strange or awkward or normal looking or don’t have a good income, and especially if all of these exist together, no women will approach you

Like consider male sports stars or musicians and so on who also tend to be attractive, the number of women very clearly interested to the point where they are throwing themselves at the guy for sex is almost overwhelming and so on

I understand that things are very, very politically inconvenient, but the way things have tended to work is that a male Alpha with power and control and influence and social abilities are in very, very high demand, while men down on their luck or just unattractive or flawed or without social skills or who say the wrong things or might seem like a threat and so on are just not desirable, and so not desirable that even innocent mistakes with using the wrong words can be viewed as sexual harassment.

I mean I am not trying to be difficult. I do not question anything women or liberal ideals state, but my experiences are simply very, very, very different and I do not feel that it is fair to punish me because I am in the minority experience wise and my experience go against dominant social movements

 

[Soleil]

I've looked like, and presented as, a guy my whole life, but I find myself approached both by guys and girls. Maybe the girls find me approachable because of my generally quiet, shy personality?

 

[simetra]

Again personal, but I definitely feel more safe talking to shy/introverted men. My theory is that some autistic men might be approached by women more because they are often quieter and rarely "machos".

 

[Au Naturel]

Hmmm... I wish guys would approach me for conversation. Male or female, I am always the one who has to make the approach.

Guys think about sex every few seconds. They think about sex every time they see an attractive girl. (Or guy, if they are gay.) It is hard-wired in. (Some guys have harder wiring than others.) Reproduction is central to evolutionary fitness. Guys who didn't think about sex all the time simply didn't leave as many offspring. Of course guys come on to girls if there's any chance.

What guys don't get is a lot of instruction on how to handle their sex drive. Not the old "Thou shalt nots" that I grew up with but real help with difficult desires. You have to figure it out for yourself and guys are expected to pick it up thru osmosis. Many of the "rules" are not intuitively obvious and may change with the passing social scene. You can't apply symmetry, either. If a guy treats a woman just like another guy there will be massive harassment complaints.

When I was 12, (or even 22) there are things that would have pleasantly surprised me that would not be appreciated if I acted that way to others. "Do unto others" is a big fail in that regard.

It is difficult to pick up all the rules and being an Aspie makes it much more so.

 

[simetra]

Saw an interesting tweet from my timeline today, with proof. Detailing the idea that
common politeness by a woman would be interpreted as interest in having sex
with the man she was talking to.

 

[Au Naturel]

Funny... but true. Swing at every pitch even if it isn't in the strike zone. Hell, swing multiple times. And they aren't even being intentionally mean. They would love it if girls would swing at them like that.

 

[Jumpback]

@simetra

I don’t doubt the above happened, but the site where this was, was banned for promoting hate, apparently against straight men by women

I do not like the whole banning for hate thing, like so what if women want to go on and on about how men are evil and release their frustrations?

But in some way I am happy that this happened, because I have gotten ganged up on a lot and banned and accused and whatever else for not having convenient problems. So maybe others can see how frustrating it is for me to get accused of hate and banned and everything else for just being a victim and being frustrated but being up against walls of accusations and punishments and losses for hate for having the wrong problem when there is no hate.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Now that I think of it at Church events I might have gotten approached by a woman. I attended a group last year then a few days later a woman at the gathering approached me for a conversation. I mentioned my grandmother and she wanted me to talk more about her. I was young tied of course but we talked for a bit. After she still greeted me at Church.

Of course I think of the two disasters more a girl next to me said nothing not to me or anyone during the greetings but she did glance at me a few times but I was petrified to say anything to her. Then the second time when a girl sat next to me but number 7 happened the guy in front of me talked to me.

 

[Jumpback]

Now that I think of it at Church events I might have gotten approached by a woman. I attended a group last year then a few days later a woman at the gathering approached me for a conversation. I mentioned my grandmother and she wanted me to talk more about her. I was young tied of course but we talked for a bit. After she still greeted me at Church.

Of course I think of the two disasters more a girl next to me said nothing not to me or anyone during the greetings but she did glance at me a few times but I was petrified to say anything to her. Then the second time when a girl sat next to me but number 7 happened the guy in front of me talked to me.

It's been hard for me to tell what women's intentions are. All 3 of my girlfriends and my one sort of ex-girkfriend made it very obvious that they were open to sex and we had sex right away, so I knew they were interested. I have been told later that other women or girls were interested, but I just didn't notice or was confused about what to do, so I did nothing.

 

[Au Naturel]

There's been a fair amount of "3rd base" in my life and I never felt shorted. The problem was that it might happen just twice a year. That gets pretty frustrating.

 

[simetra]

I don’t doubt the above happened, but the site where this was, was banned for promoting hate, apparently against straight men by women

Since the pictures of my post were removed it is difficult for others to understand what you are referring to so I want to stress that the biggest part of them showed a tweet detailing and showing screenshots of sexually aggressive behavior by a colleague.

What you are referring to, I guess, is the attached reddit page reiterating the issue. So yeah, that would definitely be a weak argument for doubting that really happened, considering the screenshots and repeated assertions from female members on this site that this happens.

Not sure if I am allowed to link the tweet without showing its contents. Not crazy about getting banned.