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Growing feelings for a friend

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Jorg, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

    Nov 16, 2016
    Welp, I'm just worried, I started growing up feeling for a close frien I've know for like 12 years but there are some problems with this.

    1. She and I have a long history back from high school, I wasn't diagnosed back then and I was very confused with this kind of things (not that I understand them completely today but I have improved), so we got separated for a few years until like 6 or 7 years ago we became fb friends and started talking again.

    2. It's not kind of a big problem but she seems to be a very passionate woman, I mean, only a couple of months after we became friends again ad she started to send me "love" texts, she used to inveited me almost every week to her house (I went only once), and well, one day I invited her to a date, our first one in years and the day before she texted me this, and I remembered very well: "How are my parents in law?", I just freaked out! I mean, I recognize I'm not a slow pace aither and I have scared a couple of possible gfs but I never told them something like that and so soon!. Anyway, I tought it and told her I wasn't ready and I wanted to slow down things, we were very different in some ways, etc. Aside from that she's always posting very loving messages in fb, again she's very "lovable" but sometimes I believe it's too much sugar.

    3. She knows all the f..ked up things that happened to me last month with an aspie girl I used to care about, back then I just consiodered her a friend, probably the only friend that could understand being so "in love" and helped me with her more than I thought, this gets me to the next problem, the most serious I guess.

    4. She's kind of dateing a guy from her work, last time I asked her she told me it wasn't a very serious/official thing but she seems very in love with that guy, everyday again, she posts romantic stuff and sometimes include him in it. (I think that this point gave me the answer I'm looking for you know?)

    And well, that's it, I say I'm growing feeling for her because when we text each other I feel a very "real" conversation, we laugh from different thing we came across, I joke and feel very confortable being me with her, one day she send me an audio message and when I heard her voice I just felt something in my chest, like going faster and warm (wtf).

    On the other hand, I know I may be a pain in the ... sometimes for being an asperger, sometimes it's not easy being like that as you know and I don't want to make her pass or going trough with my problems. If she's dating the other guy, even if it is not official and I have a chance with her I would prefer to her being happy with the guy she loves than with me.

    As I said earlier, she and I are very different in some ways, I love rock, heavy and trash metal, she loves romantic love songs, she looks like the kind of girl who would like to have a family, babies, etc. (She seems very enchanted with her sister's) and I myself don't want kids, idk, I just don't get along with babies =/.

    So...have written that I guess I got my answer, rationally speaking, we're not for each other, I guess our differences and the fact she's dating someone else are enough reasons to not try anything with her, just be friends. But what do you think?
    • Agree Agree x 1
  2. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Sep 6, 2017
    I'd say so. I wouldn't date someone 'taken' at any time. If it's not serious, end it.

    I think others may have something more constructive to say. Just be careful, okay mate? Don't want you to get hurt.
    • Useful Useful x 1
  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Aug 28, 2013
    Carry on. Nothing to add. Sounds like you already figured it out. ;)
  4. Tcx

    Tcx Beginner.

    Nov 16, 2017
    I had been pursued by a literally warm-hearted female. Similar situation except we are both female.
    When I figured out she was messaging caring and loving texts (acting cute, LOL) with 2 or 3 other persons, I one-sided added her on the blacklist. And yes, she chose one of them dating and breaking up soon, starting another relationship and breaking up again, that was what she told me when she made another account contacting me.
    I think your reason is enough not to keep any closer relationship to her. In fact, what my classmate text to me with her new account really scared me a lot.
  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jan 7, 2015
    I think anyone would find that situation confusing. I am not sure but get the feeling her emotions/words are deeper in appearance then reality. Maybe a type of social gaming for ego boost? Anyway your caution and keeping a slower pace are well advised. You definately don't want to get pushed into anything. That is just a recipe for disaster.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Keigan

    Keigan Restless Mind V.I.P Member

    Apr 17, 2017

    You really need a sit down no distraction conversation with her. Your entire post is about not trying, so either stand tall and try or let go and walk away from a person who might actually understand you.

    The decision is yours.

    At a minimum, she sounds like a good friend which is a great start to any relationship.