Greetings.

[Duncan74]

I'm trying to work out if asking me to walk into a room of strangers and introduce myself is a test ;-)

So my story, 48y/o male, senior professional role, but have always struggled with the 'people' side of my roles. Big style struggled. Over the years I've done all manner of work personality/profile tests and I guess the summary is I've always been very binary on those - extreme left extreme right, or on others at the 0-5th percentiles for some attributes and 95%iles for others. And then yesterday I saw on instagram this post by the author Matt Haig. Insta post which when I read left me sat in shock as he described me with spooky accuracy.

Over last 24 hours done several online tests and every single one has shown strong autism.

AQ-50 - 38
Aspie quiz 118 cf 83 (very strong)
Cat- Q - 127 (37/40/50)

As a young child (5yo) I was assessed by some sort of pschologist and the nett result I was moved up a year. Basically my poor behaviour was put down to being smart and bored. I didn't have any siblings, so awkward social skills I think got put down to lack of practice.

Through school I hated everything, but found for me getting there really early - being first in a room and then people joining 1 by 1 set me up way better for the day. Same for every class/break, getting in first. I still do this in every work meeting, and tend to get up at 4:30-5am, do my exercise and be in the office for 7:30am.

I have always had a hatred of phone calls, even as a kid then for some reason I've hated making calls. So texting has been a revelation, and in a work environment the use of chat/teams has really freed me.

In a work environment it's only been in the last couple of years I've got my head around the fact that not everyone is entirely open an honest. Even typing that now makes me smile at how ridiculous it is, but honestly the hours and hours I've spent trying to 'understand' what I misunderstood in conversations, when in reality half the time it was that the person was just being duplicitous.

I've had several 'obsessions' over the year - I think I'm still the top poster on two totally unrelated internet forums that I've not been on for 10 years (so warning ahead, first but may not be last post here!).

So what more from here? Well I've been seeing a counseller for about 6 months now (3rd time of gettign professional help, first twice for depression after getting into a real bad self-destructive spirals). And on Monday I'm going to explicitly raise this.

But perhaps this isn't the forum to ask this, but what's the likelihood of every test showing such strong positives, and yet not being autism?

 

[Outdated]

Welcome. And I'd say the chances are low.

Your story sounds so similar to mine. I always knew I wasn't normal and I figured it was probably autism but I never looked up anything about it, never really associated it with many things that happened in my life.

Until I heard something on the radio about it, an interview with a university lecturer announcing a new study in to autism in adults. The more I listened the more my jaw dropped, this man had just described me.

I wrote to them, and we talked a little, this was back in 2015. Although I was undiagnosed they included me in the 5 year study of autism in adults for the autism crc and I learnt a fair bit from that.

I didn't get a formal diagnosis until 2020, and the only reason I did that was to get a pension, but learning about myself and finding out that I'm nowhere near as weird as I thought - that's worth it's weight in cocky chaff.

 

[Forest Cat]

Hello, welcome.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Duncan74]

Well I went to see my counsellor today, been seeing him for about 6 months after feeling totally overwhelmed with work and family issues. And raised the question of autism and the above findings with him. I'd actually sent some work personality test result to him late last week, and he pretty much said that he'd reached that view from our discussions over the sessions. He used the term Aspergers a lot, but has referred me for formal testing.

I also talked to a very good friend, ex colleague and one time boss. I also worked with his now wife who was my HR advisor/coach. And turns out they had talked about this themselves previously, and when I asked for him to share some of the thinking it was really pretty funny just how obvious he made it seem.

So tonight I raised it with my wife. And she was both surprised and also really unsurprised. She commented how she'd joked at how alike I was in some social situations with a friends son who has been diagnosed. And yet she'd never had the thought come to her mind.

She just asked what it meant, what she needed to do differently. I pointed out nothing had changed from me this morning, yesterday or the 25 years previous. Just that there was a weight off in understanding why some things were really hard for me, not that all the ways I've been working around them suddenly became things I'd stop. All the counsellor said I couldn't do any more was cooking and cleaning. Did take her 10 seconds before she caught up ;-)

And so I have bought us the Attwood book on kindle, was recommended as a good place to start. Have a fair wait until I can see the recommended person for the assessment, but all the work I've started in the last 6 months actually stays as the things to work on going forward.

I am going to have a think about career steps. But by that I think it's about being much more realistic about where I can add the most in a sustainable way, and where I should definitely delegate more readily. Play to strengths.

Sharing this here, but really open to thoughts, view from those a bit further down the track.

 

[Alexej]

Hi and Welcome @Duncan74

Congratulations on the suspicion of being autistic. Yes I agree more formal tests are needed, but getting your head round the idea first is a lot to ask. It certainly took me a while to accept the possibility before embarking on the diagnostic journey.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Looks like you've got some an understanding network to support you in your journey of self-discovery, so hope that continues to work well, and of course we'll be here as well if you ever wish to bounce ideas etc.

 

[330]

Hello

 

[Duncan74]

Welcome! Looks like you've got some an understanding network to support you in your journey of self-discovery, so hope that continues to work well, and of course we'll be here as well if you ever wish to bounce ideas etc.

Thanks (and to others too). It's really odd, on the whole it's just a massive weight of my shoulders as to why thinks have seemed really difficult all my life in done ways. Don't get me wrong, I've been incredibly fortunate in many many ways, from the country I was born in, the opportunities and support I had to a fair few bits of luck. But equally in some parts of life then I've been cycling into a headwind, trying to swim upstream or perhaps more accurately solve a Rubik's cube blindfolded.

I am having some worries about how people may choose to stop respecting/listening in a work environment and 'write me off'. I worry about how I'll react going forward, if I'll maintain the motivation to "mask' and improve my masking every day/week/year.

But mostly I'm just intrigued to learn more. Bollox to tropical fish, bicycle components, photography filter lenses, Lego sets or other silly interests. I've a new obsession, and that's learning about me.