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Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Peachie, Aug 11, 2020.

  1. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    Greeting forum people!

    I'm in my early 40s, and I feel like I'm just starting to understand myself.

    My journey started with my daughter being diagnosed with dyslexia. I went to wired for reading training to better understand and help. In my mind, I dismissed this as being a problem for me because "I don't reverse letters". As I went through the course and was immersed into what dyslexia is, I quickly find that this is totally me. She got this from me, at least now that I understand, I can relate my own history and coping mechanism.

    One interesting aspect, for me, was the inability to picture words. The instructor asked us to picture the word elephant, and identify what the 5th letter is. If you can 'see' it, you just know. I had to count each letter till I got to 5.

    This explains some things in my life. Humility indeed.

    The next revelation resulted from a conversation with a coworker related to this. They said their spouse couldn't picture things in their head. Aphantasia, the inability to mentally visualized.

    I looked this up and was confused. What do you mean can't picture things in their head? I found one of the tests, and the first question was to picture someone you've known for a long time, how much can you describe? I was stuck on this question. I talked to people around me. They were not confused.

    You mean people can actually visually see things in their mind?! When I close my eyes, it is just blackness. The only time I 'see' anything is when I'm dreaming. The idea that most of the population can easily visualize in their head, and I can't blew me away. How can I have gone most of my life not knowing this??

    When someone asks me to visualize a red truck, I now have an object construct of a red truck in my mind, what is next! But, I can't SEE it. It isn't a specific type of truck, as it hasn't been fully described yet. So to me imagine and visualize was really the same thing. I now know people who can see, smell and feel anything they want. Like a holodeck! I'm missing out.

    At home...my spouse has it, and my daughter also has it. Amazing!

    I was certain in my industry I'd find others like me. I took this new knowledge and started asking everyone, and found...I was alone in my professional bubble.

    So really I'm a dyslexic, introverted person who doesn't like social situations and can't picture things in their head. I'm feeling like I'm starting to understand myself. :)

    Then recently, I had someone ask me if I was on the spectrum. Something that I was just as uninformed as Dyslexia. After lots of intense research and two books later, I'm blown away at how much of my life just fits. Some of the things I do that I've never thought about makes more sense in context.

    In my profession, I'm really good at what I do. Why or how I can see things others can't has always been a mystery to me. I feel like maybe this was my answer. In my core, I'm constantly trying to understand how everything works. Maybe this is why/how I'm different.

    I have an (expensive) assessment scheduled 5 months from now. I'm going to learn a lot about myself.

    I'm a little scared of sharing ASD after reading the experiences of others. But it starts at home, and starts with those close to me. Just last night, I apologized to someone for taking this so literally sometimes. This used to be an 'ism', but now makes sense. Understanding is the first step.

    Thanks,
    J
     
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  2. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Welcome
     
  3. NightMuse

    NightMuse Member

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    Welcome to the forums! :)
     
  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi and welcome. Yes I agree, it's really useful to know, as that enables me to fit how I am together and also to create better strategies around what may present difficulties. Interesting that you understood about the dyslexia first. You describe that and your process around it, very well. Good to see you here, I hope you find discussions here useful.

    In relation to openess about your diagnosis, I suppose it can be useful to bear wider social factors in mind, and just feel your way with that one. The effects of discrimination can be surprising, and it's sometimes hard to cope with when you are also trying to learn about who you are in a new way. On the basis of my experience and those of others I would say, wait till you feel you really understand all this before sharing, possibly excepting family or a close friend.

    However, even some close people don't interact with you the same, in my experience. Your weirdness stops being intriguing and interesting or lovable and becomes explained as, there's something Wrong with you. At work in particular, that's not a good look.

    :snake::palmtree::cactus::bug::seedling::herb::dragon::deciduous:
     
  5. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    Hi Peachie. You are an interesting person. Hope to see you around a lot. Hope you get better understanding you are seeking. I like your fractal image avatar.
     
  6. wonderingmom

    wonderingmom Active Member

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    This is so interesting. I don’t know if you’d be comfortable saying, but I’m really curious what sort of field you’re in.
     
  7. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    I've always had a fascination with how things work. My mother tells a story in which I think I was around 5 and I had watched someone change the tire on our VW bug (the super light 60s kind), and she found me outside with the car jacked up and freaked out. But I took everything apart, but mostly after they broke.

    Then came a TRS-80 computer, and that began my experience to computers and coding. I would copy the examples in the book, and play with it. Found plenty of errors in the examples as well. :). But everything I typed was temporary. As soon as you unplugged it (or tripped over it), all those hours of work would be...gone.

    From those frustrations came a new PC. And I read the DOS book, the whole thing. With my curious-how-does-it-all-work, I was hacking the memory to increase my game resources. This was really my hyper focus for most of my beginning life. Coding was really easy. And I knew how it all worked, and what I didn't I studied. I certainly wouldn't be here today without the right people at the right place that recognized and nurtured me.

    But really I consider myself an engineer and a scientist though I hold degrees in neither. I have the resources to design a component, 3d print, laser cut, C&C, water jet or lathe, wire or program. As we get older we have medical issues. I'm fascinated with all things biological. I think I read more medical research papers than I do my own industry. Boy if I had my own MRI in the basements, the experiments I'd run on myself!

    It is hard because this is also my weakness. I'm currently creating an antenna rotator. I need one to hit a repeater too far away. But if I'm making that, I might as well add elevation and I can have it track satellites. And I'm overly focused on this one thing. If I stop it might become an unfinished project, and it is the core basis of soo many others.

    In a sense my power is also my weakness. It is my ability to recognize and do something that I'm trying to work on.
     
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  8. Peachie

    Peachie Active Member V.I.P Member

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    You know...I somewhat expect to find a higher amount of unique and interesting people. Even if they won't share their timetravel equipment. :p
     
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  9. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member

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    Welcome!