Greetings

[dragstone]

Hi there. I'm new here, I think? I might have posted here before a long time ago but I dont remember if it was this forum or a different one.

I find myself here because I'm not doing well. I'm an adult on the spectrum and for some reason I feel as though things have stayed the same or worsened over the years. Maybe a few things have improved as far as my life circumstances but my ability to properly socialize with others is suffering. I don't even want to speak to other people most of the time. I sit in front of my computer if I'm not at work. The only person I really speak to is my partner. The rest is just obligatory script with coworkers and the occasional phone call from family. I don't know what to say a lot of the time, I'm anxious, and I can be awkward. Others might take notice of this as well as my tendency to hermit. It hurts to know that I stand out in that way.

My job is socially taxing. I often fake illness. People think I'm this ambitious and caring person, though reserved, but I'm not. I have to maintain that image but tbh, I'm losing my will. I only do what I have to in order to collect a paycheck and that's all I've ever done. Basically, I'm living but not alive. No real passion for anything. Very limited interests. I don't have anywhere to be and my future looks sad, knowing myself.

I guess that's a good start for an introduction but it's not the happiest of ones. My mental state is poor. Hopefully being here can help. -ds

 

[invisibility003]

Hello dragstone Welcome to the forums! These forums are great - lovely people, lots of information - I hope it helps you, it's really helped me.

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi Dragstone and welcome.
Please don't think you're alone in feeling this way - many of us have been through it and we're here to listen. You've come to a good place

 

[Nitro]

Hi dragstone

 

[disconnected]

Hi dragstone! Welcome to the mix. You're not alone.

 

[tree]

 

[clg114]

Welcome to AutismForums!

 

[Loren]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you enjoy your time spent, here. : )

 

[Pats]

Hi Dragstone. I can so relate to what you're saying. That's how I always felt. Except I don't think everyone ever thought I was ambitious. My mom used to tell me to cut my bangs so I could see at work and I would tell her I didn't want to see. I could see, but - bang weren't in my eyes, just above my eyes - still was a way of saying I didn't like what I was doing. I was good at my job, just didn't like having to deal with everyone around me and or the environment.
Can I ask your age range?

 

[Bedlamite]

Very limited interests.

Greetings Dragstone and welcome to the forum. Your description of yourself fits my disposition very well. I've been a recluse all my life. What has helped me is finding an interest that didn't involve other people, gave me satisfaction and occupied my time. Searching within yourself will reveal some interest that you may have. Anyway, this is a great forum and as others have stated, there is help on these pages.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[dragstone]

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome.

Can I ask your age range?..I was good at my job, just didn't like having to deal with everyone around me and or the environment.

In my 30s. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not good at my job. I can be convincing but it's 'smoke and mirrors'. I don't have a genuine interest in working. Regardless, I share your displeasure with having to manage with social environments. I would prefer to stay away from others but that's a luxury few have.

Searching within yourself will reveal some interest that you may have.

I do have a singular interest, it's just not a productive one. Nor is it the healthiest one. Using a computer 95% of my down time is probably no way to live if I were to ask most people. I have done other things but I'm not interested. I have lost a partner before given my restricted interest, among other things, and I do worry that I could lose another in the future because of my non-existent social life.

 

[Pats]

I asked your age just because it often seems that some traits get worse or harder to deal with as you age. Maybe the more stressful things get, the harder it is to deal with things? I hope you find this forum helpful. I withdraw - have always been withdrawn and no one understands that and finds it hard to accept it.

 

[dragstone]

I asked your age just because it often seems that some traits get worse or harder to deal with as you age. Maybe the more stressful things get, the harder it is to deal with things? I hope you find this forum helpful. I withdraw - have always been withdrawn and no one understands that and finds it hard to accept it.

I think so. It makes sense because with age comes more responsibilities and social obligations, unless a person is on permanent welfare and unable to care for themselves. But there are other things that I find more difficult to endure than I used to that doesn't fall under those categories. Like getting a haircut. Sitting through a movie. Or just the ability to focus on what others are saying.

I also withdraw but I think I need some form of social interaction outside of my home and my job. Just not in-person. I hope that being here will be helpful too.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome Dragstone.
I can relate to your introduction also.
I was good at my profession, but, friendships were nil.
Never had a desire for a partner in that sense of the word. Asexual.
Thankfully I was good at masking, but, that gets you through life still feeling empty.
My parents were very understanding and there for me and I enjoyed pets more than people.
Now I am older and on disability. Parents are gone and I find myself more isolated than ever.
The forum is a good place to interact yet not in person. It really helps me.
Hope you can find the same. Good and diverse people and information.