KandelDragon
New Member
Greetings, all! I'm new to the server!
A bit of backstory (apologies if it gets lengthy)-
I am fortunate enough to have received an autism diagnosis very young (around the age of three). However, after a considerable amount of ABA therapy, I learned to present as neurotypical passing, or at least close to it. I was lauded by my parents and teachers as a success story- perhaps the so-called"optimal outcome" (although I very much dislike the term and its implications) that gets talked about in some autism literature? I never really questioned that convenient narrative of somehow "overcoming" disability and never having difficulty again, even as I quietly struggled to mask through my middle school and high school years.
I think it was meeting my best friend and now partner which shifted that in-hindsight toxic worldview. I trusted them enough to disclose my diagnosis to them, albeit in the context of apologizing for any potentially disconcerting stimming I let through. In response they told me that they loved me in part for my autistic quirks, not in spite of them. They made me feel safe to stim as much as I needed and wanted, they seemed to enjoy it when I infodumped to them about chaos theory or neurotoxins or one of my other special interests, and they encouraged me to seek accommodations when I struggled with timed tests despite my fears of being seen as stupid. I found the more open I became about my autism, the more completely myself I felt.
Now I'm at university, with more independence then I've ever before had, and I want to learn more about my autistic facets. I'm finally requesting those accomodations (although internalized ableism and general pridefulness still makes admitting to needing help difficult), and I decided at last to ask some of my questions and express some of my feelings after lurking here for a time. I'm happy to finally have worked up the nerve to introduce myself to you all!
A bit of backstory (apologies if it gets lengthy)-
I am fortunate enough to have received an autism diagnosis very young (around the age of three). However, after a considerable amount of ABA therapy, I learned to present as neurotypical passing, or at least close to it. I was lauded by my parents and teachers as a success story- perhaps the so-called"optimal outcome" (although I very much dislike the term and its implications) that gets talked about in some autism literature? I never really questioned that convenient narrative of somehow "overcoming" disability and never having difficulty again, even as I quietly struggled to mask through my middle school and high school years.
I think it was meeting my best friend and now partner which shifted that in-hindsight toxic worldview. I trusted them enough to disclose my diagnosis to them, albeit in the context of apologizing for any potentially disconcerting stimming I let through. In response they told me that they loved me in part for my autistic quirks, not in spite of them. They made me feel safe to stim as much as I needed and wanted, they seemed to enjoy it when I infodumped to them about chaos theory or neurotoxins or one of my other special interests, and they encouraged me to seek accommodations when I struggled with timed tests despite my fears of being seen as stupid. I found the more open I became about my autism, the more completely myself I felt.
Now I'm at university, with more independence then I've ever before had, and I want to learn more about my autistic facets. I'm finally requesting those accomodations (although internalized ableism and general pridefulness still makes admitting to needing help difficult), and I decided at last to ask some of my questions and express some of my feelings after lurking here for a time. I'm happy to finally have worked up the nerve to introduce myself to you all!
