Greetings community of good humans...

[TrueBlue]

I believe in compassion and love a man on the spectrum. He has withdrawn again...I’m hurt and am self-healing. I can see us working if he would try bc I’m compassionate so he has nothing to fear...or is it better to move on? I’d love to hear from you on this. Please help me understand.

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome! Unfortunately, we can’t answer that question for you. Only the two of you can figure this out - possibly with advice from people that know you both well. We know nothing about the man you love, other than that he’s on the spectrum, and people on the spectrum are as diverse as people that aren’t. There’s no cookie cutter advice here. Best of luck figuring it out though, and take care of yourself!

 

[Pats]

Totally agree with what @Bolletje said. But I will add that you can't decide to accept him as he is if you're planning on trying to change anything. There's no fixing.

"if he would try'.

 

[tree]

 

[GadAbout]

I believe in compassion and love a man on the spectrum. He has withdrawn again...I’m hurt and am self-healing. I can see us working if he would try bc I’m compassionate so he has nothing to fear...or is it better to move on? I’d love to hear from you on this. Please help me understand.

Give it a couple decades and after his periodic withdrawal and the pain he inflicts on you, trust me, you won't love him any more.

Then you can regret your lost youth, and maybe find a relationship that meets your needs.

At least, that's what happened to me.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Alexej]

Welcome to the Forums

 

[Major Tom]

Welcome to the forums, as others have said, that's a decision you need to make together.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Aspychata]

Really hope you find answers here and welcome!

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome here.

You can't change his ways. Only you can decide if you can accept it.

 

[Giraffes]

Hi and thanks for posting, you both have to be in it to win it! i have just bought a book "Troubleshooting Relationships on the Autistic Spectrum" which provides....strategies,scripts and scenarios to support problems such as communication, intimacy and mind blindness it may help if both of you are willing to try.
Do remember he has to want to approach things differently it's not responsibility to make it work i've tried and found this...... stressful, exhausting and more importantly it doesn't work.

 

[hatfullofrain]

What would you say that your particular problems are? Is it just the withdrawing or is there more to it?

 

[TrueBlue]

Give it a couple decades and after his periodic withdrawal and the pain he inflicts on you, trust me, you won't love him any more.

Then you can regret your lost youth, and maybe find a relationship that meets your needs.

At least, that's what happened to me.

Thank you. I’m moving on. I want empathy for myself, emotional caring and reciprocity. The pain it would cause me to stay will equally affect my dream of having a loving home where grandchildren can safely play, people can gather and feel wanted, and when I’m old...I want an old man who is compassionate in times of trouble, sickness, and death. I’m 52 and available for my best life going forward. Thank you for your clarity. In truth, each time I tried to reconcile, he brought no empathy, no understanding and aggressively pushed all conversations to sex or the physical. He was angry but never showed any need to be sorry for hurting me or desire to try to fix us. Letting go...self love now!

 

[TrueBlue]

Totally agree with what @Bolletje said. But I will add that you can't decide to accept him as he is if you're planning on trying to change anything. There's no fixing.

"if he would try'.

Correct. He is not into keeping any relationship that would require emotional attention at all. But he can be happy just living alone and being with women on a more superficial level. I learned a lot. Thank you.

 

[TrueBlue]

What would you say that your particular problems are? Is it just the withdrawing or is there more to it?

For me, I needed touch, hugs, emotional joy shared, relax around family, kids, and talking calmly when ready - but not withdrawing. He began to make me feel inadequate. I think that mostly, there was no plan for the future. When small plans changes he would be enraged and end the relationship abruptly blaming me for the changes that were not in my control. There was OCD, lack of empathy, no way to know if he loved me. He wanted me, but couldn’t share on intimate levels.