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Grandson

Discussion in 'Parenting & Autism Discussions' started by Pats, Dec 6, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have a question. I occasionally talk about my grandson, whom I'm 99.9% certain has autism. He's having lots of problems at school, and for months I've been trying to tell my daughter that he was more stressed this year, possibly because of the teacher, which is causing him to act out more. 1st grade, he had some issues but the teacher wasn't calling home almost everyday with complaints. She'd just shrug me off. Apparently, they had a school thing last night and she noticed when the teacher mentioned 'his zone' he got this scared look on his face, so now they're ready to try to get him in a different class.

    One thing, it frustrates me when I KNOW something is going on and no one will listen to me. It also kind of hurts my feelings that, knowing I have autism (I'm sure they can see that I'm not nuts), that they just can't accept that he might. It does make me wonder how they see me. But it can't be that bad when my son in law has repeatedly told me he would be happy for me to live with them if I ever needed somewhere to go. But they have decided to go with ADHD to get him in this program at school that might help, and I guess one of the things is that if he starts feeling out of control he's allowed to get up and go into the hall and get a drink of water and things like that.

    Question 1: those diagnosed with ADHD, and then later discovered the autism - was the help for ADHD helpful? And how do you feel about it? (I know they often go hand in hand, but I'm just afraid they'll be missing some important issues).

    Question 2: How do you feel about this? His teacher, apparently, every morning tells my grandson he can join the rest of the class when he is ready, leaving him to sit in his chair while the rest of the class is on the floor doing whatever. Apparently, that has to do with 'his zone'.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2019
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  2. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    "Missing some important issues" indeed. :(

    Sadly I suspect for some less enlightened teachers, they're likely missing everything based only on a single premise. Their perception of a lack of discipline. Compounded by a mentality and insistence that they are teachers and not social or medical workers.
     
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  3. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I know when I was a child, I would have loved being given the option whether or not to participate in class - I would have chosen to sit at my desk and daydream. :) But now I see it as separating him from the class, perhaps the teacher not wanting to deal with him, and why even be at school? Yes, he makes noises - so it's like the teacher would rather not have to deal with his noises?
     
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  4. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I just recall a certain number of teachers who in effect, "wrote off" those students who in their eyes were "discipline problems". Where they were either segregated or ejected from class on a regular basis. Wondering in hindsight if such treatment probably altered their trajectory for success in adult life. Autistic or not. o_O

    Though in our time as students, few educators let alone medical personnel could identify manifestations of autism that required a very different approach.
     
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  5. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    To answer question 1: Ye gods, no. What was done for me when I supposedly had ADHD was that they put me on Ritalin, which lasted throughout my 3 years of junior highschool. Incidentally, I have zero memories of junior highschool. Or much of anything else from that time.

    Question 2: At least they're giving him options instead of just "GET OVER THERE WITH THE OTHERS".

    As for the whole disbelieving thing... I tend to think that some parents consider the idea of their child having autism as an insult... not so much to the child, but to themselves. Like "What? Autism? No, that's totally wrong. He doesnt have autism. Not **MY** son. He's NORMAL. Just like ME. NORMAL. We're all NORMAL.". As if the reason why the autism diagnosis is wrong has nothing whatsoever to do with medical possibilities, and everything to do with parents not wanting to think that they could possibly produce a "defect" like that, because that'd make them (the parents) not normal somehow. And what does our idiot society think about being abnormal? Feh.

    Obviously this isnt the case for every instance of it, but.... definitely some out there.
     
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  6. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I’ve been the only person diagnosed with autism in my family for a long time. Most of my family on paternal side are HFA without knowing it themselves.
    My third cousin was a difficult child from early childhood. I noticed autistic traits in him for a long time. I mentioned this to his parents and grandparents a few times. His parents were willing to listen, but the grandparents were mortified and it caused a big problem in the family because we don’t talk about that sort of thing. Fast forward ten years and the kid has been diagnosed with classic autism. Now the grandparents act like they are foremost experts on the subject of autism and like they discovered it themselves. At the same time they don’t realize all three of their sons are on the spectrum as well and I’ve been ostracized for suggesting their eldest son (the kid’s uncle) shows symptoms of ASD as well.
    Yet when I talk about my autism they don’t want to listen because in their eyes I’m not on the spectrum, because my symptoms are nowhere near as severe as their grandson’s are.

    I’ve found that people just don’t want to hear that their kids might be on the spectrum, no matter how justified the comment is.
     
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  7. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Well it's all pretty typical of the way neurotypicals do things. Denial. Ignorance of neurodiversity. Hope he'll be ok, @Pats, ADHD is a common co-diagnosis of ASD of course.
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I have a student who was diagnosed with ADHD and then later Autism. His treatment when it was only ADHD was not helpful. From my perspective, it made it worse.
     
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  9. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I speak here from the perspective of a teacher with experience of teaching a class where one child had autistic traits, though undiagnosed. I also have some limited experience of teaching kids with ADHD.

    It depends on the reason why the teacher is doing this. It could be as you say/fear, that she finds the child hard to cope with and is using this as a coping mechanism which will not benefit the child, but her. Or it could be because she sees the stress in the child when faced with the more social activities, joining in and doing things with other kids, and realises that the child needs some time to adjust to the new activity, or needs not to be forced to join in (or the child might get upset/have a meltdown), needs to go at his own pace. Without knowing the child or the teacher or the classroom situation, it's hard to say.

    From my perspective as a teacher, such a child should be encouraged to join in, but certainly not forced, so to my mind it's a good thing that she does this, rather than try to force him, as happens so often when teachers are ignorant of ADHD or ASD, and try to force kids into social activities. From your description, the child is not forced to sit there and is free to join in when he is ready, if he were forced to stay on the chair or expelled from the classroom, that would be a different matter.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2019
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  10. Iamnotarabot

    Iamnotarabot Well-Known Member

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    Never been treated for adhd or asd.
    So I can't tell.

    But I never had hyper active add in school anyway, I just zoned out and no one cared ( and honestly I think it was for the best)

    In my opinion , having the ability to leave the classroom anytime you want is just the worst idea ever.

    If I remember correctly, being able to sit in the corner of the classromm, and do physical activities during the day during breakS were the best things for me.

    I cant see how missing part of the lesson would be any helpfull for a kid, especially with special needs, he has to learn as much as he can in school.
    Adding the extra work he would have to do in order to keep up the pace is not good.

    IMO they are just accomodating just so he can be less problematic for the school, not to make him learn better. ( well I guess I need to know what this program is actually about in order to make such a judgement sorry).
     
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  11. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I considered that, too. I told my daughter the same thing, matter of fact. That's why I'm asking - maybe this is something typical - I don't know. But there is something that is causing him more stress and that is obvious.
     
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  12. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Have you asked him about it? I mean, what is causing him stress.
     
  13. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't see him that often, but when I've had the chance I've tried to talk to him about school. He always just says 'fine'. I would never have complained about things at school either. Same at work. Any problems I had, I kept to myself. I think it falls under that same category as asking for help, which is just something I could never do. I know my daughter has tried to talk to him, but gets nowhere. But he doesn't understand his own feelings or what is wrong and right when it comes to adults in authority. Right? Just like my daughter, when she was in school she always loved her teachers. She had one that was terrible and treated her terribly, but she was completely naïve to it and liked her. Once I got into a big argument with that teacher over my daughter and knew there was no way I would leave her in that classroom that day, so I went back into the class and told my daughter I decided I wanted me and her to have a day together. She would have gotten upset if she knew it was because I was so angry at her teacher.
     
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