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Got overly stressed a moment ago

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by Markness, Dec 6, 2021.

  1. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I went to Barnes and Noble to do both Christmas shopping and pick up two items I ordered. A worker I talked to last time and made a book recommendation to was there shelving items. We made eye contact and both said hi then I asked her if she read the book yet. She said she hadn’t and was special ordering it. After a bit of small talk related to the subject, there was a pause in the conversation and I had a headache-like sensation build up in my forehead. I felt stressed and wondered what I should’ve done. I quipped that I felt uncomfortable wearing my mask and she acknowledged with an agreement. I then bid her to take care and walked away. I felt awkward after that and my mind was telling me things like “Dude, that girl likes your suggestion! Why don’t you ask her out?!?” but I told my mind to stop.

    I suppose all the stress I’ve gone through socializing this year is damaging me. Maybe I shouldn’t go out in public unless I can’t avoid it for the remainder of the year?
     
  2. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Just keep trying, victory brings glory V.I.P Member

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    Maybe you should buy more books?
     
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  3. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    @Markness , I think you have the right instincts and she seems to remember you. When somebody in retail, who encounters so many people each day, takes note, you are over the first hurdle. Don't overthink. Everybody gets anxious at the thought of connection. You need not ask her for a date. Maybe thank her for the interesting conversation and ask if she would like to get out for coffee to continue. And, if she says YES, you are going to have to tamp down that five alarm fire that will be going on in your mind. (added) -Think instead that she probably is a nicely, literate, person who will be a good friend to have. - Then, when conversing, have an open demeanor, look her in the eyes, and respond with a smile if she smiles. Then you can go from there. If it is pleasurable, perhaps ask her for her number if it seems she is interested. And thank her for an enjoyable conversation. And fer chrissakes, call her the next day for a date. It is OK to feel like you are fumbling. Everybody does. But one thing that I've learned building cedar strip boats, is that while you know every error in your construction, rarely will anybody notice, because they see the whole of it.

    I am so eager to see you successful!
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2021
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  4. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Just keep trying, victory brings glory V.I.P Member

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    You know what might be fun? Ask her advice on getting someone a gift!
     
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  5. risk

    risk Member

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    I personally have come far by putting said the Disney concept of romantic love. Don't take things too seriously think logically and dig deeply or suffer the dire consequences.
     
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  6. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    I dunno. Dire, to me, means existential. And the most important things I've learned.
    1. People have commom drives and desires. Among this is to desire relationships, and to enjoy kindness.
    2. The social "dance" in meeting and connecting is not easy, even for many NTs, and we ASD need to understand that at least basically.
    3. Many times being turned down is not a reflection on you. It is a mosquito bite compared to the sting of a Tarantula-Hawk, Wasp that is the feeling of loneliness.
    . . . . Means that few things short of deadly injury will send me off.
    I have a feeling that @Markness has good qualities, thoughtfulness is one, and he WILL be successful when the right woman realizes this. C'mon, @Markness , give that bookstore woman a chance to see that.
     
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  7. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I was dealing with a scratchy throat and a burning right ear for the last few days. Dang allergies!

    I talked to the B&N worker again and the conversation was smoother as well as lasted longer. It only ended when her co-worker asked her to help her with something before closing time and I bid them both a Merry Christmas.
     
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  8. Gerald Wilgus

    Gerald Wilgus Well-Known Member

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    Good going. Ya think she enjoys you? Next step, ask her out for a coffee or something and continue the conversation. I dunno, but I have an optimistic feeling about you. She is becoming a known, friendly, quantity now.