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Got an attitude

onlything

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Work type thread.
My supervisor told me coldly today that 'I have an attitude and I have to drop it'. I honestly don't know what she could have in mind and why she turned so angry so quickly with me. Because yes, she was very angry. I tried to go through the situation through the whole day but I still can't understand what happened. I was doing my stuff at my workplace. She brought her stuff suddenly and started doing some other things she could have done somewhere else in the room. There were other three places she could have easily used. I said that i need space and if she could go to another table. She ignored me and left, so i put her stuff to the back so that I could continue with my responsibilities. She came back, turned angry, told me to make teas. I did, she said to put more tea, so I answered that managers A. and B. said that is too strong then and told us to use only one spoon. This is when she turned furious and told me about how much of an attitude I have and that it's not the first time.I feel I have misunderstood completely what she wanted or asked. I'm annoyed now too but also more nervous. Wouldnt like to loose another job, especially about somethig so confusing and, well, silly. Maybe someone needs to cut me a peg because I have no idea what it was about. Anyone got an idea what happened?
 
Supervisor = alpha
You = nobody.

A bit like that parent thing 'dont do what i do,do what i say'

If you know the others liked something different - keep quiet about it.

If you're quiet the boss will assume youre subservient.

Doing something as stupid as moving to work elsewhere means you get on with it, she does what she does, then she goes.
Normal service is resumed.

So a pecking order thing. Not logical.
Stupid =yes
It won't change.
The boss has to put you in 'the attitude box' otherwise she would have to realise either she was wrong or stupid. Boss like puts it on you instead.
In lots of places that what workers are for!

You can rehearse, and work out different ways to appear compliant.

Make sure she thinks youre doing things the way she expect - when shes gone - do it properly.
 
Work type thread.
My supervisor told me coldly today that 'I have an attitude and I have to drop it'. I honestly don't know what she could have in mind and why she turned so angry so quickly with me. Because yes, she was very angry. I tried to go through the situation through the whole day but I still can't understand what happened. I was doing my stuff at my workplace. She brought her stuff suddenly and started doing some other things she could have done somewhere else in the room. There were other three places she could have easily used. I said that i need space and if she could go to another table. She ignored me and left, so i put her stuff to the back so that I could continue with my responsibilities. She came back, turned angry, told me to make teas. I did, she said to put more tea, so I answered that managers A. and B. said that is too strong then and told us to use only one spoon. This is when she turned furious and told me about how much of an attitude I have and that it's not the first time.I feel I have misunderstood completely what she wanted or asked. I'm annoyed now too but also more nervous. Wouldnt like to loose another job, especially about somethig so confusing and, well, silly. Maybe someone needs to cut me a peg because I have no idea what it was about. Anyone got an idea what happened?

From what you've written, my guess is that when she ignored your request that she move her stuff, this was her (rude and easily misunderstood) way of saying to you, "No, I will not move my stuff". So when you moved her stuff, she took this as you refusing to do what she wanted and disrespecting her authority.

Either that or she didn't hear you, and when she came back to find her stuff moved she was upset that you wouldn't ask her before moving her stuff. Again, disrespecting her authority, but in this case maybe thinking that you didn't even consider what she needed or wanted.

In either case, another possibility is she might be taking it as some kind of personal insult that you didn't want to share your workspace with her -- she might be thinking that it's not about anything practical but that you just don't like her and don't want her around, or even that you are actively trying to communicate dislike for her and intentionally trying to hurt her feelings by asking her to move.

The fact that you moved her stuff while she was out of the room maybe made her more upset than if you had moved it in front of her, because she couldn't be there to say anything (this might reinforce any ideas she has about you not liking her -- i.e. be seen as you trying to minimize interaction and avoid talking to her) and effectively had no control over the situation.

The "it's not the first time" part is worrisome......

Maybe your supervisor carries some kind of grudge against you for a whole collection of things you've done/said in the past that upset her and that she expects you to know about (i.e she expects you to know that she was upset, and how and why) despite her never having said anything to you; Either because she thinks you are being deliberately difficult/some-other-bad-thing or because she assumes that everyone else in the world would intrepret your words/behavior exactly the way she has.

Could you just try to explain to her that you don't understand what you've done wrong and ask her to explain it to you so you can fix it?

If you explicitly say that the reason you're asking is so you can fix whatever you're doing wrong, it improves your chances of actually getting an explanation (whether or not the explanation makes any sense is another thing, but still)....

If you don't say that you want to improve/fix things when you ask questions like that (and, sadly, sometimes even when you do, which is maddening) people may assume you are just trying to start a fight -- that your words are not really a question but a rhetorical way of saying "I did nothing wrong" that is intended to start a confrontation in which you can argue how you haven't done anything wrong and they are full of sh**. (They may indeed be full of sh**, and whatever they think may be entirely the product of their own social imagination -- but you can't really know unless they tell you what the problem is.)
 
Sounds like an insecure junior martinet- er uh....manager who takes the most basic manifestations of protocol in deadly earnest with their subordinates. A cliche IMO, but they do exist in the workplace.

Where you don't dare interpret- or misinterpret anything they say or request. Otherwise it is insubordination in their eyes. So you just comply to the letter of their wishes no matter how petty or risk their wrath.

Whether you will be offered a chance to redeem yourself or whether you have been selected for termination is hard to say with such people. Time will tell I suppose.
 
Caution as I may be utterly wrong; but here goes: she felt rejected on a personal level and covered up everything with alpha anger.
Beware the boss who takes things like that personally.
 
This is the kind of thing that typifies the way aspies are treated by NTs at work and also the reason the unemployment rate is so high among us.

Realistically, it seems as if your boss was having a bad day and took it out on you. In her mind, which is the only viewpoint that matters when considering your future employment and has nothing to do with reality, you did several things to p... her off on purpose. You have done so previously, so you are obviously in the habit of antagonising her (again, in her mind). It doesn't matter to her that you don't know what you did wrong. If you ask her what you did wrong, she'll get mad because she'll think you're acting stupid on purpose or just playing with her, because she thinks it should be obvious to you.

Typical NT bs. Basically you are not allowed to act independently or to speak your mind at work, and don't even dream about being shown any respect or consideration for your feelings.
 
I have found that being a supervisor brings out the flaws in many people, and sometimes they aren't corrected or dealt with because of their authority position.
Had I been you, I would not have moved bosses stuff (people are touchy about their things) but moved mine to another table. It accomplishes same thing, shows you where serious about your concern but doesn't infringe on them. Now if they moved their stuff to your table again... you know they are messing with you and its time to stand them up and say what the hell is wrong with you.

On the tea... Are you in UK? Anyway, when dealing with conflicting boss instructions its probably best to just follow the one currently in front of you. Try not to get yourself in between boss conflicts.
 
From what you've written, my guess is that when she ignored your request that she move her stuff, this was her (rude and easily misunderstood) way of saying to you, "No, I will not move my stuff". So when you moved her stuff, she took this as you refusing to do what she wanted and disrespecting her authority.

Either that or she didn't hear you, and when she came back to find her stuff moved she was upset that you wouldn't ask her before moving her stuff. Again, disrespecting her authority, but in this case maybe thinking that you didn't even consider what she needed or wanted.

In either case, another possibility is she might be taking it as some kind of personal insult that you didn't want to share your workspace with her -- she might be thinking that it's not about anything practical but that you just don't like her and don't want her around, or even that you are actively trying to communicate dislike for her and intentionally trying to hurt her feelings by asking her to move.

The fact that you moved her stuff while she was out of the room maybe made her more upset than if you had moved it in front of her, because she couldn't be there to say anything (this might reinforce any ideas she has about you not liking her -- i.e. be seen as you trying to minimize interaction and avoid talking to her) and effectively had no control over the situation.

The "it's not the first time" part is worrisome......

Maybe your supervisor carries some kind of grudge against you for a whole collection of things you've done/said in the past that upset her and that she expects you to know about (i.e she expects you to know that she was upset, and how and why) despite her never having said anything to you; Either because she thinks you are being deliberately difficult/some-other-bad-thing or because she assumes that everyone else in the world would intrepret your words/behavior exactly the way she has.

Could you just try to explain to her that you don't understand what you've done wrong and ask her to explain it to you so you can fix it?

If you explicitly say that the reason you're asking is so you can fix whatever you're doing wrong, it improves your chances of actually getting an explanation (whether or not the explanation makes any sense is another thing, but still)....

If you don't say that you want to improve/fix things when you ask questions like that (and, sadly, sometimes even when you do, which is maddening) people may assume you are just trying to start a fight -- that your words are not really a question but a rhetorical way of saying "I did nothing wrong" that is intended to start a confrontation in which you can argue how you haven't done anything wrong and they are full of sh**. (They may indeed be full of sh**, and whatever they think may be entirely the product of their own social imagination -- but you can't really know unless they tell you what the problem is.)

I asked her about the situation later, so that I could understand. She answered, still angrily unfortunately, maybe I shouldn't have asked after all or maybe my tone of voice was faulty again, that 'She was in a rush to prepare things for the customer and so I should've moved away to let her do it'. She then repeated the attitude part. What I can't understand is that... well, it was my workplace and 'I was in a rush to prepare things for a customer' as well. Next time I will just move, not worth it.

Still, I asked another employee what do they think I should do with my attitude. The answer was 'what attitude?' so I answered about supervisor and that I didn't really understand what she meant, I don't want to ask again when she's angry and that I want to be a better worker. I made sure that it was an older employee known for distaste towards gossiping, as well as the one that gave my CV to the 'big boss' and helped with some beginner stuff, so that it wouldn't turn me into 'the gossiping bit*' or something similar. I'm not sure if it was a good move or not. Anyway, the answer was a shrug and a 'For her everyone has an attitude'.

I have found that being a supervisor brings out the flaws in many people, and sometimes they aren't corrected or dealt with because of their authority position.
Had I been you, I would not have moved bosses stuff (people are touchy about their things) but moved mine to another table. It accomplishes same thing, shows you where serious about your concern but doesn't infringe on them. Now if they moved their stuff to your table again... you know they are messing with you and its time to stand them up and say what the hell is wrong with you.

On the tea... Are you in UK? Anyway, when dealing with conflicting boss instructions its probably best to just follow the one currently in front of you. Try not to get yourself in between boss conflicts.

The thing is that, in fact, she is not my 'boss'. I'm a typical employee, then there are supervisors, head [sth], then managers, general managers etc. As such, with conflicting orders I tend to turn to 'whose orders are more important due to their position' thinking... And forgetting that she, in fact, has a lot more influence and trust than a 'typical worker me'.

Thank all of you for taking time to read and respond to me. Right now, I won't see her for the rest of the weekend, fortunately. However, it doesn't change the fact that I have no idea how to behave in her presence from now on. I though about just being neutrally polite, though I'm not sure if she won't see it as 'passive-aggressive' or some other bs, seeing as I'm on rather friendly terms with the rest of my department, at least for now.
 
Supervisor = alpha
You = nobody.
I went through the same thing once with a boss.
And she was my true boss.
A sudden angry display from no where one night.

When I was hired originally my position was to cut photo strips for a magazine. I had my place also in a large room of co-workers each in their own place with their own part in production.
I was soon promoted to overseeing production of the magazine in certain departments in the room. While also working putting the pages together for print.
The cutting of the photo strips person was away for a few days (what I was originally hired for), so I filled in.
The boss came out one night angry saying I wasn't cutting the photos correctly.
I did confront her with " That was my original job and I'm still cutting them the way I was shown when hired. No one ever said I was doing it incorrectly."

"Well that was the floor supervisor who taught you.
I am your authority and you will do it the way I want."
So I did and showed her I could do it how she just showed me.
Then she hit me with: "And you're far too friendly with the other people you now have authority over. I don't want you to speak with them unless it is about their work."
I agreed and said I will speak only if necessary.

And that's exactly what I did.
And immediately started looking for a better job.
My co-workers became concerned and said I was going to make myself sick.
I told them don't worry. I knew what I was doing.
I did cop an attitude. But, I did exactly what I told her
I would do.
Of course she didn't like that either as it was upsetting the other workers. So the whole room was backing me.
Also I had already applied and was waiting for the opening I really wanted elsewhere.
She could have fired me, I guess.
On what grounds? Doing what she told me?
They can for whatever reason they want, but, for me
it was a good move.
 
I went through the same thing once with a boss.
And she was my true boss.
A sudden angry display from no where one night.

When I was hired originally my position was to cut photo strips for a magazine. I had my place also in a large room of co-workers each in their own place with their own part in production.
I was soon promoted to overseeing production of the magazine in certain departments in the room. While also working putting the pages together for print.
The cutting of the photo strips person was away for a few days (what I was originally hired for), so I filled in.
The boss came out one night angry saying I wasn't cutting the photos correctly.
I did confront her with " That was my original job and I'm still cutting them the way I was shown when hired. No one ever said I was doing it incorrectly."

"Well that was the floor supervisor who taught you.
I am your authority and you will do it the way I want."
So I did and showed her I could do it how she just showed me.
Then she hit me with: "And you're far too friendly with the other people you now have authority over. I don't want you to speak with them unless it is about their work."
I agreed and said I will speak only if necessary.

And that's exactly what I did.
And immediately started looking for a better job.
My co-workers became concerned and said I was going to make myself sick.
I told them don't worry. I knew what I was doing.
I did cop an attitude. But, I did exactly what I told her
I would do.
Of course she didn't like that either as it was upsetting the other workers. So the whole room was backing me.
Also I had already applied and was waiting for the opening I really wanted elsewhere.
She could have fired me, I guess.
On what grounds? Doing what she told me?
They can for whatever reason they want, but, for me
it was a good move.

Far too friendly with the other people? Oh, really. That's absurd.
 
It sounds like your coworker was basically telling you that your supervisor is the one with a bad attitude and that she's like that with everybody, not just you.

I would just go with being polite to her, myself. Since she doesn't seem to care about your perspective at all, if her imagination runs wild reading bad stuff into that there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do about it.
 

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