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Good at socializing?

Have you been told that you socialize well?

  • Yes

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • No

    Votes: 12 75.0%
  • By an online test I have

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    16

Ame568

Well-Known Member
I was doing online autism tests before and I asked my mom if I socialize well and she said "no" but my last therapist said that I do and an online test said that I did. The thing is I kinda trained my brain to answer things quickly even without much thought but I'm always messing up, I stutter/stammer a lot and sometimes I still take a minute to say something so I'm not sure about it. I know I don't talk much in public and if my mom doesn't answer for me I know that I have to and I hate it. Anyway, does anyone relate?
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
Your problems sound fine and potentially likable. I don't think they're as bad a problem as you think it is. It's normal for us to blow our own issues out of proportion as we ruminate in circles, but, generally speaking, we're all more okay than we think we are.

My problem is that I constantly say inappropriate things! If I'm with friends, it's fine and they just laugh, but when a newcomer is present, they're horrified and bewildered. It's like how I am on here only 10x. Part of the problem is my gauge--anything that wouldn't offend me, I say. Another part of the problem is that I don't know why most things are inappropriate. A third part of the problem is that I often blurt things out before I have a chance to think about them. But I rarely socialize, probably less than 10 times a year.


When I'm with an Important Person, my strategy is to speak as little as possible! It has worked well. :cool:
 

Progster

Grown sideways to the sun
V.I.P Member
No, I haven't been told that I socialise well, but once someone told me that I was diplomatic. It was a school friend that I hadn't seen for a long time. She asked me, "have I changed?" I thought about it a bit and said, "yes and no." She said, "oooh, that's diplomatic!" Thing is, I wasn't being deliberately diplomatic, I was being honest and accurate. Physically she has changed, but in terms of personality, no. And she still loves cats just as much as she used to.

Adults with ASD can learn social skills as they get older and gain more life experience, they learn to mask, or learn scripts, or dos and don'ts, in common social situations. So it might not be until you get to know them a bit better that their ASD becomes apparent, and this is especially true of females, which is why they go under the radar and their ASD is often either misdiagnosed or just doesn't get picked up on. So it is possible that someone with ASD may have good social skills - they learned them, but when they are in a new or unexpected situation, they may not know how to deal with it, lacking the natural intuition and instinct, and then appear socially awkward.
Your mum knows you a lot better than an online test, or your therapist, ever can.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I think there are neurological differences for many of us that prevent us utilising social skills fully. I am quite knowledgeable about interpersonal skills and communication, I used to teach in that and related areas, but I can't do unstructured social interaction adequately. It seems to be about processing delays and timing, not sure what else, but I can't time what I say adequately, plus I am not usually taking in all the relevant environmental information fast enough, and appear confused.

For example I was paying for fuel yesterday, initially tried to queue in the wrong place, worked that out and moved, but lost sight of the movement of the queue so suddenly it's my turn and the assistant is waving calling and smiling as I bumble forwards. Typical day in my life.

I just smile at such times cos what else can one do? But it shows how micro differences in processing become immediately apparent to others who don't have them. It does happen to me a lot at tills etc. But in structured situations such as a classroom, or in one to one interaction, I do ok. I think it comes across as the ditsy professor type image. Einstein to you.
 

Suzette

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
"Socializing well" is purely subjective. I have friends who LOVE to talk and I let them. They like me very much and would say I socialize well. But most people think I am rude since I don't have a lot to say.

I know a woman who likes anyone who will give her conversation prompts. She will then dominate the conversation. But she has told me I am "akward" because I actually expect to comment during her monologs.

The question from me to you is: do you like socializing? That would seem to be a salient point.
 

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
When I am zoom with my congregation and take the courage to say something, I can feel myself going very red and just so thankful for the filters. The idea of all eyes on me, is totally disconcerting and I can tell you, when I turn off my video, I suddenly feel I can breath again.

If you were to ask my husband if I am good at socialising, he would say: well, she does not give it a chance, because she shrinks back from it.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I probably socialize better now than I did decades ago. Experience helps a lot, yet my spouse still coaches me. When I am successful at it I feel good about the people I am with.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I was doing online autism tests before and I asked my mom if I socialize well and she said "no" but my last therapist said that I do and an online test said that I did. The thing is I kinda trained my brain to answer things quickly even without much thought but I'm always messing up, I stutter/stammer a lot and sometimes I still take a minute to say something so I'm not sure about it. I know I don't talk much in public and if my mom doesn't answer for me I know that I have to and I hate it. Anyway, does anyone relate?

When I first took the Baron-Cohen AQ test, I wasn't being truthful with myself. Answering questions that ultimately were much more inline with Neurotypical social rituals and relationships. Still managed to score 28 points the first time around, in a forum that shared the results. A little peer pressure going on....masking even how I answered test questions. :rolleyes:

When I took the same test a second time around, in full Aspie mode I scored 41 points. No surprise there. It's who- and what I am.

Do I socialize well? - Of course not. So sue me.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single. Friends and acquaintances. Thankful.
V.I.P Member
I can socialize much better if its just me and the other person. Add a third or fourth person and they end up dominate the conversation and I end up leaving.
 

Pikake

New Member
An "aspie" can greatly excel at nearly anything once commited to it. Even socializing.
Inwardly, it's like a chess game or being an efficient "chameleon" in various roles and social skillsets that one can excel at. IE: CEO, public speaker, leader, champion, teacher, mentor.
That can evolve through life, like a metamorphosis following each long existential crisis and reinvention, and redefinition of "self".
But, all that is exhausting.
Later in life, the priorities are peace, solitude, quiet introspection, internal balance.
There's excellence at socializing when needed but the discretion and courage to live life on one's own terms.
 

Sarah S

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Belive it or not i SUCK at socializing and the general art of communicating or small talk etc... & It has takend me many years of online communication & the few friends i do have who contact me by phone on a more permeant basis for me to learn this noble art better.

When i started online (different forums for my interests and problems) i was a complete mental human wreck. (Incl in real life) So as Progster so accurately and informative describes we can all learn to get better on this (i certainly have) up to individual standards & levels of course. But it also takes our own willingness and interests to do this i belive.

Online tests for social skills cannot be tested by an online test.
 
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