Going through the process again

[Owliet]

I’m starting to go through the process of making job applications again, need to start now even though my current contract doesn’t end until end of June. I’m terrified that I’m going to be back to where I was before this, and I have to remember that I got this quite late (it came up in July and I applied quite quickly). Have to really try to be positive about this, that jobs come up all throughout the year. But it’s hard to keep the mind set on this and not fall into despair. I know that everyone goes through this, I do understand and get that but I really wish that I didn’t have to become dejected with any rejection and take it as though the world is ending....but I think that’s the depression and anxiety talking. I’m also anxious that I will have a whole year of nothing. Even if I try. I’m anxious that I may get a chance and I mess it up at the interview, because that’s happened before. Although according to my dad, that comes with practice. But then, maybe I should take a year out and have most of the opportunity to build strategies up with support from my psychiatrist? Because I’m not really stable.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this but I feel like I need to get it out otherwise I’ll just think and think and have these thoughts whirling around and then that could be something worse.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have found the process to be anxiety inducing since I have always been fearful of judgement. But I decided that I knew my stuff and at least mask some of my anxiety by listening and responding in ways that let me highlight my abilities. In my life, and having to go through this four times, I have faced rejection more than once. I told myself that is the price I pay for trying to find a good fit. The last time was interesting, though, when somebody that I worked with on projects as a consultant recognized my resumé and I was offered a very nice position without much effort on my part. It was a marvelous fit.

 

[Sarah S]

I know you can do this my friend.

 

[Owliet]

I have found the process to be anxiety inducing since I have always been fearful of judgement. But I decided that I knew my stuff and at least mask some of my anxiety by listening and responding in ways that let me highlight my abilities. In my life, and having to go through this four times, I have faced rejection more than once. I told myself that is the price I pay for trying to find a good fit. The last time was interesting, though, when somebody that I worked with on projects as a consultant recognized my resumé and I was offered a very nice position without much effort on my part. It was a marvelous fit.

Once again, I really appreciate your supportive comment. I know that I know my stuff, but like you I do fear judgement. I also feel failure and this feeling that my own worth is nothing. My psychiatrist has actually opened this up as a topic point to go over and to develop strategies but once the thoughts come, it’s really difficult to not focus on them. Up until this job, every single application I put in got a rejection. I know that’s how it it can go but I took it deeply to heart. I need to develop methods to do what you have, highlight my abilities rather than downplay them or take it as though if I don’t succeed it has nothing to do with me overall. Hopefully I can get into this mind.

How is the job market in the land of chocolate and cheese after two years of covid, is it difficult to find work that suits you? Good luck with the applications.

It’s not struggling. I just seem to be one who struggles within it. It’s another reason why I’m upset about not being kept on. I don’t know why I decided to start looking this evening, I thought I was being proactive but I just feel this build up of anxiety and then the what if’s. Today has been ok, and now I feel like I’ve let that down. My mum suggested that I ask *or she contacts as I’m awful on the telephone an autism support center here for help in this. She’s rather annoyed with me because of my blip before, as I was doing ok today rather than spiraling. I don’t want to stress her out, and now I have.

I know you can do this my friend.

I hope something good happens.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I also feel failure and this feeling that my own worth is nothing.

I have made unforced errors enough for two lifetimes and was raised by a mother afraid of so much. I have been afraid of failure, and that kept me from trying so much. Learning Whitewater Open Canoe taught me that without failure I would fail to progress. I put in my time with many a swim, sometimes spectacularly, and became good enough to paddle some classic, Class IV, drops. Now I know that anytime I feel like I have failed I know that I have been trying my best. The only thing where I have a zero tolerance for failure is Scuba. Existential risk focuses the mind.

Never think that with the skills and experience you have accumulated that you are nothing. You will have your unique voice and probably some exceptional ways of looking at the world. What I recognize is that in todays workplace the MBA mindset is that people are replaceable. Do not aquiesce to such degenerate thinking. I let them bloviate, immediately forgot what they wanted, and continued with my projects. Nothing bothers an MBA as much as being ignored, but they could never argue about my results. One once described me as being like a horse with a hard mouth (being insensitive to commands). I took that as a complement.

 

[Owliet]

I have made unforced errors enough for two lifetimes and was raised by a mother afraid of so much. I have been afraid of failure, and that kept me from trying so much. Learning Whitewater Open Canoe taught me that without failure I would fail to progress. I put in my time with many a swim, sometimes spectacularly, and became good enough to paddle some classic, Class IV, drops. Now I know that anytime I feel like I have failed I know that I have been trying my best. The only thing where I have a zero tolerance for failure is Scuba. Existential risk focuses the mind.

Never think that with the skills and experience you have accumulated that you are nothing. You will have your unique voice and probably some exceptional ways of looking at the world. What I recognize is that in todays workplace the MBA mindset is that people are replaceable. Do not aquiesce to such degenerate thinking. I let them bloviate, immediately forgot what they wanted, and continued with my projects. Nothing bothers an MBA as much as being ignored, but they could never argue about my results. One once described me as being like a horse with a hard mouth (being insensitive to commands). I took that as a complement.

This is really helpful. I hope that this is something that I can work on.

 

[tree]

 

[Owliet]

View attachment 76733

I had to fill that out exactly. Sign up to a database and fill out the information that’s already on my resume. Very frustrating as I’m not good at doing forms.