I'm desperate for Aspies' input. Need help in how to communicate about sex and my needs.
I am very attracted to my boyfriend. Once I told him that and he said "no one has ever told me that. I don't know how to respond." I said "you don't have to. I'm just telling you." He cracks me up sometimes.
Just as any couple can have, we have different sex drives, mine is stronger. That's ok. It's workable.
On top of this he has quirks and I bring issues into our relationship that predate meeting him. Specifically, it is painful for me to speak about sex explicitly. Hard to use certain words. Hard to give instructions. Hard for me to ask my needs be met.
His physical needs are met on a regular basis with some extra treats in between. This causes a couple problems. 1. Because his libido is lower, he feels satisfied for a while after. Even though he has on multiple occasions said he feels guilty that I'm not satisfied after we make love, he doesn't seem to initiate other ways he could please me even when I've verbally praised him in the past. 2. Resentment has accumulated over time because it's inequitable. He is satisfied and I feel he doesn't take any initiative or go out of his way to try. Funny thing is his technique is excellent!!
I was pisssed when I tried an exercise my therapist asked me to do - ask my bf for something. So, I asked him to touch me for 15 minutes with no intention I would have an orgasm. Because the subject is uncomfortable, I came across as bossy and he got angry that I was "ordering" him to do something, saying 15 minutes is a long time. Lol. Clueless how hard it was to ask and not wanting him to feel obligated, he reacted to my approach. Totally understandable. When he finally did it for me, he stopped and said 15 minutes had passed, exactly like the instructions I gave him. Lollll. Poor thing was just trying to literally follow instructions.
I realize this is probably 90% my "fault" because I cringe at having to ask my needs be met. He is the first guy I've ever even tried to express these things to.
I think just from writing this, I've clarified for myself what needs to happen. Seems I need to work on my own discomfort and ask directly what I need. Maybe we can read some articles together, though I can guarantee you he knows more than what his behavior would suggest.
Would love to hear from others.
I am very attracted to my boyfriend. Once I told him that and he said "no one has ever told me that. I don't know how to respond." I said "you don't have to. I'm just telling you." He cracks me up sometimes.
Just as any couple can have, we have different sex drives, mine is stronger. That's ok. It's workable.
On top of this he has quirks and I bring issues into our relationship that predate meeting him. Specifically, it is painful for me to speak about sex explicitly. Hard to use certain words. Hard to give instructions. Hard for me to ask my needs be met.
His physical needs are met on a regular basis with some extra treats in between. This causes a couple problems. 1. Because his libido is lower, he feels satisfied for a while after. Even though he has on multiple occasions said he feels guilty that I'm not satisfied after we make love, he doesn't seem to initiate other ways he could please me even when I've verbally praised him in the past. 2. Resentment has accumulated over time because it's inequitable. He is satisfied and I feel he doesn't take any initiative or go out of his way to try. Funny thing is his technique is excellent!!
I was pisssed when I tried an exercise my therapist asked me to do - ask my bf for something. So, I asked him to touch me for 15 minutes with no intention I would have an orgasm. Because the subject is uncomfortable, I came across as bossy and he got angry that I was "ordering" him to do something, saying 15 minutes is a long time. Lol. Clueless how hard it was to ask and not wanting him to feel obligated, he reacted to my approach. Totally understandable. When he finally did it for me, he stopped and said 15 minutes had passed, exactly like the instructions I gave him. Lollll. Poor thing was just trying to literally follow instructions.
I realize this is probably 90% my "fault" because I cringe at having to ask my needs be met. He is the first guy I've ever even tried to express these things to.
I think just from writing this, I've clarified for myself what needs to happen. Seems I need to work on my own discomfort and ask directly what I need. Maybe we can read some articles together, though I can guarantee you he knows more than what his behavior would suggest.
Would love to hear from others.