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Funny story from pro motocross

William Weiler

Ad Astra
I have had all this unusual life experiences and I am insightful and highly empathetic. Plus my sense of the absurd. I thought people would laugh at these true stories and my take on them, and give people insight into these worlds. I seek this for myself everywhere I go. I was in the emergency room once with a cut on my heel. I asked the intake nurse what was the weirdest thing she saw come in. She said every Friday, at least two people come in with shot glasses stuck in their butts. Seriously, I do this all the time, everywhere I go.

In pro motocross, every tiny bit of speed is important since winning can be in 10s or 100s of a second. Timing has to be perfect. My throttle has exactly 0.5mm slack. 0 is better, but bumps can trigger unintentional blips of gas. My chain has 1.5cm of travel. I use a ruler to set it. Less is better, but too tight prevents movement of the suspension when it reaches it's limit. The outside of a corner builds up dirt to form a bank corner called a berm. You come into the corner really hot and throw the motorcycle sideways. I am basically flying for 5-6ft. At just the right moment, you hit the gas and rocket out on rails. The impact goes from the seat, up your spine and into our head like a wave. You can feel it. The G forces can overwhelm your arms forcing you chest onto the tank. It has to be hard as you can, but not too hard, because you can knock yourself out. In a race, I think I was 18yrs, I went to the inside and saw Dan Fish on his green Kawasaki, flying towards the berm. The impact was so hard I felt the ground shake in my handlebars from 8ft away. He then sat upright, kind of motionless, and then just slowly idled off the track and fell. This wasn't the only time this happened. (he was okay, we laughed about it later, he said he would get it right next time).
 
I kind of read this later and it didn't seem to work. I was trying to put together a good story from my experience. I haven't said I to myself or anyone I am a story teller, but I do this a lot. My son loves my stories. Some complete stories are: The spy who dances with underwear on his head. The frog that stole my wallet. The rude plant that says "look at my butt". (stole that plot form Monty Python). I am working on the transformer who goes to the car wash. Does he have to go in as a car, or can he go in as a robot?
 

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