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Featured Functional or not functional, for what?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by 4na11, Jan 10, 2021.

  1. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    A sewing machine can’t wash clothes. It doesn’t matter if you put in it soap and water, the only thing you will get is to destroy its ability of functioning as a machine that sews. That is its functionality.

    So it is quite offensive to say we are functional autistics. It would mean that, despite being sewing machines, we do wash clothes, so you are allowed to put soap and water over us, and we will be able to get your clothes clean, and still keep our capacity to sew.

    Recently I came across the term ego depletion. The ego becomes exhausted when it has been spanked constantly. Every time we try and we are not good enough we lose energy. So, next time we try, we have less and less energy to try, which makes us less and less likely to succeed. And why we never learn, why there is no improvement? Because we are sewing machines. If people asked us to make beautiful couture dresses, we would make them better than washing machines, which usually tear apart fine fabrics.

    But as we are asked to do things we are not built for, our ego keeps being depleted, and from that depletion comes the loss of will power, the worse loss one can have.

    Without will power one is unable to do even the things they were built for. Because now ones ego is depleted, is jaded, it believes it won’t matter what I do, they will spank me.

    It is a shame that brilliant people like ourselves come to such a point where we lose our self-confidence.

    We are constantly accused of not having empathy, when in fact it is the other way around. We need to understand them all the time, we need to understand ourselves all the time, but the world haven’t done much to understand us, to listen to us, and to understand the way they’ve been treating us. We are such peaceful people who could help this world to be a better place, if only they treated us kindly.

    But force is the weapon of those who lack intelligence. And with force they deplete our egos. And we lose our will power. And we end up weak as I am right now.

    The only hope is to keep using this intelligence of mine, even though my will power at present is so low. But with this light, the knowledge, the understanding of this process, I can come out of this catatonic like existential state, and come back to real life, where I will be facing them again.

    It took time to get me so low. It will take some time to recover, but there is no other way.
     
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  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    We are differently functioning I think. But as you say, our strengths may go unrecognised, and we become undermined, while also we are described as disordered or dysfunctional.

    However, I do also think we can work on ourselves to maximise our resilience and personal confidence and inner security. This can help us cope with the way the world treats us, and do the best we can in difficult circumstances. It's harder when we may also be up against other comorbid issues, to do that. I wish there was more support available.

    This site at least is a place to share ideas and strategies.
     
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  3. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    The fact that we must focus on that, put our energy on that, proves that we are being diverged from what we should be doing. We should be pursuing our talents and good points, not developing defense mechanisms for when being attacked for not having other skills. The amount of energy one loses by trying to cope with this same loss of energy proves it is an absurd cycle we better never enter because it is so hard to leave. Those of us who have lost their self confidence sometimes have lost for good, such was the damage of rejection and guilt for them.
    Some can try over and over again, after regaining some energy, after feeling ready for another round, as I am doing now, I am preparing for another round, but I know I can easily be knocked out.
     
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  4. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    What about quiet confidence? Where you have skills, wisdom, and the endurance to take criticism.
     
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  5. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    Criticism confuses me. I take it too seriously. This is why it makes me weak, because I start trying to fix things that are unfixable. I am used to take criticism seriously. I am addicted to it. It guided me through life. If someone tells me I am wrong, even if I feel I am right, I take it into consideration and lose energy and time till I finally discard it. And still feel guilt. Last 2 years it happened so many times it destroyed my self image and consequently my self esteem. I forgot who I am. I don't remember being that great person I used to be and don't know how to be her again.
     
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  6. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes I know what you mean. This can also come from having a parent who was critical, where the child is intimidated, and this also happens to neurotypical people. But whoever it happens to, we may falter, but we can get ourselves back, I think. And increase our resilience also, with work on ourselves supported ideally by others.

    Do you also think, it may be good to review if you take on too much? Sometimes we may do that. The world won't change fast enough to stop people undermining others with criticism, so it's sadly part of what we have to factor in, to protect ourselves from burn out, and be able to cope.
     
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  7. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    Yes, I use to allow people to undermine me because in that sense I don't like to create conflict. I create conflict if I am exposing an idea based on something I studied and I know. The other person will have to convince me of their point. It is the only way. I will be glad to accept if they do so, otherwise, I will stand for my point and 'create conflict'.
    But when the criticism is an attack on my ego, I feel that it is just a low blow, and I don't know how to play in that field. I lose my self confidence and it is just sad. It hits me in the heart.
    I think people do it to me because they know they can't win in the intellectual field, so they have to do that, to destroy me emotionally.
    My neurotypical brother does that, and my ex husband, who is also my business partner, bases our relationship on that.
    I think they feel intellectually threatened by me and the only way to deactivate me is to hurt me emotionally. And they are right.
     
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  8. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    Hadn't considered that before. I have challenged the ideas of others. Fought and been crushed by them. So be it. I let life teach them and continue on my way.
     
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  9. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Human kind is far from a perfect species and very probably innately highly competitive. Many are willing to step on the bodies of others to get to what they want.

    humanity.gif

    You just gotta use the ol' brain to keep one step ahead of them. Or even better, many steps. If you don't they just might eat it.

    ;)
     
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  10. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    I recently watched a video forgot the name of the autistic psychologist who said that it is hard to win a discussion with us because our points are well based. We research, we studied, we use logic, they have poor points and we are the ones who crush them. So the only way they have to get the 'power' back is by hurting us emotionally.
    In my micro cosmos I see this happening, and outside, in this crazy world I see this happening as well. Whenever stupidity lacks ability to comprehend what is being revealed they recur to violence, primitive actions, basic instincts and we are left talking to a deaf crowd.
    The life you say that will teach them, that life, is us.
    If we don't teach them, which 'life' will?
     
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  11. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    You are absolutely right. It is a power thing. Even if we are more goal oriented and we don't mind about the credits we get for it, this is indeed a competitive world and we neurodiverse must use our intelligence as an advantage, not as an obstacle. The social thing can also be seen in the same way. The amount of energy and time neurotypical people waste with their social life puts them in disadvantage compared to us. It is time to map all our characteristics and take advantage of each of them. It is time to change the perspective we have about our characteristics, in order to take advantage of them.
    We won't be using the same tools as neurotypical people, but we will be finding our way to find our way.
     
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  12. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    We call it the "school of hard knocks". In short it stands for learning a lesson the hard way.
     
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  13. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Intelligent woman are threatening. They don't fit society standard's of answering to the male dominated employer plane. I can mask being a tab stupid with no embarrassment so that people accept me. Then as situations call for It, l fine tune my responses and most of the time l find acceptance as being a critical thinker.
     
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  14. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    Recent events confirm that.:cool:
     
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  15. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

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    I don't have a lot of hope for things turning around any time soon. I think at some point a lot of us switch over to pure survival. Seems we are very good at that.
     
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  16. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    Agreed.
     
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  17. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Ouch...! [​IMG]
    Related...
     
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  18. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I didn't understand all of that but I believe it would be relevant to say that one thing I've learned is to talk less, that most of my thoughts are not to be expressed, and that being right is only relevant in certain situations. That's all made my life more peaceful.
     
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  19. 4na11

    4na11 Active Member

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    Well, you have the most powerful weapon. I wish I had it. I am working on it. Silence would have save me from lots of problems.
     
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  20. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Active Member

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    I have said this before on other threads. Neurotypical humans are very tribal. They tend to gather in groups (for safety and security) because they are generally weak (physically and mentally),...and then get considerably uncomfortable at anyone different than themselves (mentally insecure) and feel they have to act out (emotionally, verbally, physically). We see this behavior all the time. It is the root of all discrimination,...whether it be racism, anti-LGTB behavior, religious discrimination, political discrimination, anti-immigrant policies,...and even against folks with autism. It is all a form of human "fear aggression", just like a dog that bites out of fear, for example. It's also the reason for their insistence upon "sameness" and "standardization" whether it be every policy, procedure, and law,...or something trivial like the "right" hairstyle or clothing,...or their "self reaffirming" social media, political, and religious "bubbles" they live in. It also holds them back in every aspect of their lives,...usually anything that might alter their current condition,...finances, weight loss, buying an electric car, putting solar on the roof, moving in order to get a different job, not pursuing or presenting new ideas to the company,...anything. Boy,...they have got an excuse for everything they can't do,...and why you can't do, either.

    Narcissism alert: As an autistic, I am constantly reminded of how I am different. Two survival techniques I have. One, be very aware of what I said above regarding neurotypical "fear aggression" behaviors. Protect oneself. It could be little emotional and verbal "pokes",...or it could lead to something physical, especially if one makes attempts to confront the individual. Some degree of avoidance behavior is needed with certain individuals. You know they are acting this way because they are actually very weak,...but picking on you makes them feel better about themselves. As long as you know what this is, you can be "Teflon" and let some of this slide off and not let it affect your self-esteem. I now find myself with just a little bit of a narcissistic smile every time this happens. Two, being different is exactly what is needed to push the world forward in all aspects of society,...especially the sciences and the arts. Being neurodivergent may result in funny looks and silence towards your comments and ideas,...and it used to bother me, but now I know it means I actually have a good idea sometimes. It's my way of intellectually "poking" neurotypicals. I have named this technique "seed dropping". Here is how it goes: Bring up an idea,...immediately get "shot down",...give it a few days,...it morphs into someone else's idea,...and finally gets implemented. I got what I wanted,...albeit without the credit,...and with a bit of delay. If it was for the greater good, that's OK with me. The bottom line,...use your neurodivergence,...use your skills and ideas for the greater good.

    One of the reasons for statistically poor employment rates for folks on the spectrum is this neurodivergence. You don't act a certain way and your ideas are sometimes a bit "out there". So many autistics do not see their own worth because they are constantly bombarded with negativity and reminders that they don't fit in for one reason or another. Let me just say this,...conformists make great employees,...neurodivergents make great employers and entrepreneurs (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, etc.),...and inventors, and artists, and everything else. Perhaps,...instead of allowing oneself to wallow in self pity and doubt,...instead of allowing others to bring oneself down,...ignore them, stop trying to fit in, stop trying to conform,...and be your own boss. Allow a bit of "weaponized autism" and narcissism to creep into your life, get out there, and be successful.

    Functional or non-functional (as you say above). In my opinion,...stop the madness. It's the wrong way to approach life. A basic rule of life: "Use the right tool for the job". Everything in life becomes a lot easier if you just use the right tool. You simply should not use a sewing machine to do the work of a washing machine (to use your example above). Open your mind. Do something no one else has done.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2021
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