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Frustrated at people's lack of willingness to travel to exciting places or beyond Europe

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Sep 22, 2019.

  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I love travelling, I absolutely love it. Out of anywhere America would be somewhere that I have a great time visiting and have a keen interest in exploring further.

    Cities are also places that i'm keen on exploring. Now what is the issue with all of this?

    I don't particularly have any friends or anyone, irrespective of that whom is interested in travelling Long Haul or to cities. My family primarily goes to Europe on holidays (I have been to Spain seven times and Portugal three, think of all the other countries we could've visited on those extra trips).

    Additionally my father has no interest in going to cities. He has an over the top, alarmist view of cities, he thinks they're dangerous, full of drugs etc. (I have been to New York twice and London many, many times - i'm certainly fine with visiting cities. ) He would tell me when I lived in England for University 'I don't like you living in England, it's a very dangerous place, I am always worrying about something happening to you there' and would 'warn me' every-time I visited London. As you can see he/they often have alarmist views about places they have never set foot in.

    The other issue is that my father is a homebody, he does not like travelling far from (boring) Northern Ireland, so most of the time with travelling it's just me and my mother. Though my mother doesn't travel often as my father expects her to stay at home with him, often kicking up a fuss when she dares to leave Northern Ireland.

    My primary goal and aim with a full time salaried job, after savings would be to go on at least three holidays a year, with at least one long haul trip.

    Now, I don't really have anyone to go to those countries with. My last two long haul trips where with my mother and I whom I had to nag incessantly to go with.

    So, that's not something that happens often either.

    ___________________________________________

    Something else irked me today though. My mother and I had planned to take the train to Lisbon today. She told me we were going for certain on 'Monday' (today).

    What happened? At midnight my mother sent me a text, pulling out due to the 'fear' of something happening and the Language Barrier.

    Here I was going to bed at 10pm for a 5am rise with all my money allocated and various locations planned out that we were going to visit.

    My father? No, he refused to go in the first place. He also refused to drive to Lisbon despite myself paying for the car hire. He also refused to allow me to drive the car to Lisbon. (He doesn't compromise very often, so we mostly have to do what he wants, which is usually a very meek, no risk thing such as visiting an old museum, returning home before nightfall.)

    So, tomorrow i'm stuck in this apartment in the Algarve. Somewhere, where there's not MUCH to do aside from visiting old villages.

    I do appreciate my parents taking me on this holiday, BUT, I am a tad annoyed at their unnecessary fear of travelling too far beyond home or to anywhere that is TOO different from home.

    I am very disappointed that I am not going to visit Lisbon tomorrow. I was really looking forward to this, I am very annoyed at my mother for pulling out at the last moment.

    Her excuse is pathetic and I have a feeling she has taken advice from my father or he told her not to go. (I am seriously considering going myself, but am a little worried).
     
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  2. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like everyone in your family has a high level of anxiety. You "come by it honestly," as they say.

    I could say "just go to Lisbon by yourself," but it appears you are anxious about going anywhere alone.

    Although you are let down by your mother's and your father's anxiety-related shortcomings, you yourself have plenty of anxiety-based shortcomings. So I would suggest you remember that, when tempted to feel blame and irritation at them.
     
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  3. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This is your desire, not theirs. I'm actually surprised that a parent travels with you. Most would not unless you were under age.

    There will come a day when you grow tired of the planes, trains and automobiles. The line-ups, constant movement, the waiting for food other people make, the never really feeling comfortable where you are in these temporary places.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    This is turning into coming of age post. You need to find someone who likes to travel like you or travel alone. Older people get set in their ways, it's not that your parents are trying to shut you down, they are slowing down, that's all. Try not to take it so personally. You will probably be the same at their age. Good luck.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    For a moment I had a negative reaction, but then I started thinking about how much I learn from all of your posts, especially about the nature of happiness.

    Thank you for all your posts! They are always interesting and thought-provoking!

    On the topic of this post, it's definitely hard to find someone willing to commit to something like travel plans. That's often what happens within a romantic relationship. It seems rare to happen otherwise, as far as I can tell.

    I've never traveled so I guess this is all from observations of people I know and depictions in the media.
     
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  6. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    I have a similar family situation, in that I love to travel, but my dad has refused to leave the UK since he retired (he used to travel a lot for work and hated it) and my mum gets quite severe anxiety about travelling, even just across the country, despite that she also used to travel a lot.

    Anyway, this has never stopped me travelling. I travel alone. It's awesome.

    Be an adult, take responsibility for yourself and your own desires, and do things by yourself.

    Is your anxiety getting in the way? Re-read your post. Think about how harsh and judgmental you are being about your parents anxiety. Take a good hard look at how you described your mum's excuse for not going to Lisbon, and then take a good hard look in the mirror. Are you being a hypocrite? Are you lacking empathy?
     
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  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I think that the fact that older people tend to slow down is part of this, and as a person in their late 40s I can vouch for this. I can also relate to this, when I was younger, I wanted to go places, do things, was restless, got bored easily and sought out new experiences. Now I don't so much - I have more anxiety, get stressed or frustrated by public transport, I like visiting interesting places but don't like airports, busses, trains/subways, etc.

    The only way it's going to work is to become independent, perhaps get a car and for that you need a steady income. Travel alone or perhaps find a travel companion. Try the Couchsurfing site - this is a site you can sign up for and use to contact/talk to or meet people with similar interests - go along to one of their meetings, perhaps.
    How It Works | Couchsurfing
     
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  8. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    People can be irrational about travel. The wife of one of my good friends is terrified of airplanes and thinks we are insane because we vacation in Mexico every winter. She thinks everyone in Mexico is a drug cartel member or a criminal, that all the food will make you sick, and that all the booze is tainted alcohol. Nothing could be further from the truth but I can't convince her otherwise. She also refuses to eat fish - ANY fish of ANY kind - because she got sick after eating fish one time when she was a child. She was shocked that I eat ceviche (raw fish "cooked" in lime juice) in the Caribbean.

    I get frustrated and tired by the garbage you have to deal with in airports but it's just part of the trip to get to my destination. I always take a book to read during delays and on planes to help pass the time. And it's true that an inexperienced traveler can get into trouble in foreign countries because they don't know potentially dangerous areas to avoid or they flash money around or wear expensive jewelry, etc. Common sense goes a long way to keep you safe.

    I love to travel, have no problem going alone, do not mind eating alone in restaurants including expensive restaurants, and enjoy my own company better than being stuck with an annoying fellow traveler. In fact, I'm flying to Denver, CO day after tomorrow to visit a friend there for several days, leaving hubby at home to take care of pets.
     
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  9. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Is there a travel group or tour group you could join there?
     
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  10. Monachopia

    Monachopia ...spiral out... keep going. V.I.P Member

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    There are many group tour companies - I know someone who'd gone on several of these with people they didn't know, but had a great time doing it. She went on: Contiki Travel Tours | Adventure Holidays For 18-35 Year Olds | Contiki
    It means it's safer as it is organised and you stick with the people there, if you're worried about that aspect. Might be a bit scary to go with strangers, but you could make some friends while there. :)
     
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  11. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    This is one reason I go to the conventions I often mention: I get to travel without having to worry about family coming with or not. Which is good, because as long as the destination doesnt suck, I love travelling!

    But I'll say, I kinda understand where your father is coming from on the whole city thing. I live in the middle of bloody nowhere. Depending on what direction I go in from my house, it's possible to drive for a straight hour and see nothing but farms and grass. I'm used to the grass and trees and maybe the water. And all the broken-down roads that nobody drives on.

    You could not PAY me to go into Chicago, the nearest city. Seriously. Like.... What's that, Steve? $200 to go with you to Chicago? I'm sorry Steve, I cant quite hear you over the sound of me hitting you with a box of crackers. Huh? $1000, you say? Oops, you took a bit of a tumble there, seems you tripped over the fact that I just Sparta-kicked you into the kitchen. Darn, guess we cant go to whatever you were talking about during the cracker thing.

    I mean, really, just.... uuuuuuugh. I've been to that giant hole in the ground before. I hated every square inch of it. I just cant deal with that. Ugly and full of idiots and dangers. Just... just no. I can barely even handle the town centers for the areas around here (which are small enough that you can drive through them in like 5 minutes).

    I've forgotten where else I was going with this. I need my caffeine.
     
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  12. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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  13. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I like to go to some big cities as long as I'm staying in a good hotel where I can chill out and avoid people when I get stressed out by the big city activity. My favorites in the US are San Francisco, NYC, Chicago, and New Orleans. We once spent Christmas in Manhattan during a major snow storm that was so bad the taxis refused to leave Manhattan. There was a 5 star restaurant next door to our hotel so we ate there virtually every night and found other places for lunch. It was expensive but a lot of fun. We watched people snow sledding in Central Park and wandered around museums that were virtually empty. I guess the weather deterred visitors.

    I always go to China Town in San Francisco and down on the wharf to eat seafood and people-watch. SF is a unique American city and has good food.

    I live really close to New Orleans, another unique American city, and lived there for about 5 years so I know it well. Great food and music but crime can be bad so I tend to stay in the French Quarter and Garden District which are heavily patrolled by the police.

    My favorite places to stay usually involve beaches. I spent 8 weeks in Greece in the mid-1980s and island-hopped the Mediterranean, eating some of the best food ever and getting way too sunburned. I love our condo in the Yucatan because it is right on the beach in a small gated condo complex with good restaurants within easy walking distance. I cook a lot when we are there even though the kitchen is very small. You couldn't pay me to stay in a resort like most tourists do. Why the heck would I go to Mexico and stay in a high-rise hotel just like US hotels?!
     
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  14. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Thank. I would love to go to NYC at Christmas! What a fairytale!
     
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  15. Rayner

    Rayner Well-Known Member

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    Colorado is also a great place to visit. My girlfriend and I live here and we love it.