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Friends Issue

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Mars26, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. Mars26

    Mars26 20 years old aspie

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    I'll start with the hardest thing. I lost my friend in Monday and I was at her funeral yesterday. I mention this because it is quite relevant to my thread.

    Let's start from the beginning my late friend, me and my other friend were close but we weren't each other only friends. When we started college each of us met new people but we remain close friends. My second friend made friends with frat boys (technically they are not in fraternity but I call them that), me and my late friend also were friendly with his new friends. However, as I got to know them better, I discovered that they are not nice people. So I focused on other people in my group who are nice. I was still friends with my two friends but we spent less time together. After a while my second friend stoped talking to me except moments when I spoke to him first. My late friend still were close to me but she was more befriended with our other friend friends than with mine.
    Then my friend died and for a moment my second friend and I were close again but this was short-lived. He was avoiding me again. He and his friends (who hardly knew her) bought a wreath for her grave. I wasn't offended because he said that I can contribute but still this was weird. He preferred to buy a wreath for our friend with them than with me.

    I know that it is my fault, that my friend and me aren't close anymore but I still like him and I need him because after our friend death I'm alone.
     
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  2. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry to read about the death of your friend. I can imagine how sad you must be.
     
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  3. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    It's so hard to lose someone you care about. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Why not ask your friend if the two of you can spend some time together and talk about this issue with him?
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm very sorry for your loss, this is so sad. Could you talk with any of the others in your group who you said were nice? Also, I outright speak with people or animals I have lost, because to me, they are still real and important, despite death. I find it helps to talk with them, and of course I imagine how they would answer, and how they would be. In this way, your lost friend can still speak to you, from who she was, and comfort you, the way she would have.

    Do you have any idea about what the issues are for the other friend? Friendships do change as time goes on, and people change, perhaps this can be addressed, it's worth a try.
     
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  5. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    My condolences, this must be a hard time for you. Maybe tell your friend you’re having a hard time and you need to spend some time with him?
     
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  6. Mars26

    Mars26 20 years old aspie

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    Yeah my new group is nice but they are new friends. We only know each other for a month this isn't strong friendship yet.

    Yes, but I'm afraid he'll laugh at me.
     
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  7. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    Don't try to force someone you aren't able to get along with. Be open to the possibility, but look for other people. It might not really be your fault or that other friend's fault that you and him are not really friends besides the connection that you and this other person share one of the same friends.
     
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