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Friend Keeps Trying to Push Feelings that Aren't There

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by dragonfire42, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. dragonfire42

    dragonfire42 Member

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    I've been long-distance friends with someone for some time now. I've mentioned several times that I'm a nonromantic asexual, but sometimes he tries to push our relationship more toward a romantic one. Recently we had a discussion that I thought had reached the conclusion that we're good friends but nothing more, but then a couple days later I finally accepted the friend request he'd sent me on Facebook a while ago (I'm not on Facebook very much but happened to be going through my email and clicked on a Facebook link and while I was there, I saw that friend request and accepted it), and he took the timing of that to indicate that I do have more than just friendly feelings for him.

    Even after I'd explained what happened, he insisted that he just "knows" I have some sort of feelings that I don't want to admit for some reason. The thing is, I don't, and I'm really getting tired of this. This person is my best friend, my only real friend, and I really don't want to lose this friendship, but I'm starting to get really frustrated by this, and I don't know how to tell him without sounding too harsh, or like I'm protesting too much and that must be another sign that I'm hiding my true feelings.

    I love him as a friend, but I've never experienced the feeling of romantic love, ever, toward anyone. How can I help him understand this?
     
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  2. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    How much attention do you show him now?
     
  3. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I would repeat just what you’ve told us here.
    I’ve been in this place of having feelings for someone that didn’t have feelings for me rather often. The longer they didn’t mention the platonic nature of their feelings for me, the more I deluded myself into believing there was some romance being there.
    Be firm, but kind.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sounds like he is hopeful and not very easy to convince. You probably do have to be patient and clear. I suppose he's thinking the way many people would, so it's hard for him to get what you are saying, plus he wishes it wasn't true. Could be hard to convince him. But best to try, I think.
     
  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Happens all the time and it is hard for people to let go sometimes. But remember it is most probably a matter of like and not real love. If it is annoying you, something to consider is telling him his advances need to stop or you will have to take a indefinite break from the contact. Ball is then in his court to accept or move on.
     
  6. dragonfire42

    dragonfire42 Member

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    We usually have at least a short text discussion most days, and we have the occasional video chat.
     
  7. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Maybe stop doing it for two weeks. Then see what happens with him. It will give you some peace and quiet. While giving him time to think on what you said. Or at least thats my advice.
     
  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I'd ignore the problem entirely. :D *is possibly doing that myself, now*
     
  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Applying for the here and now....

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    Guess you could examine your feelings more and understand where you are coming from so that you can address this friend honestly. Some relationships started as friends and did progress into romance. So it's not black and white. Maybe let the person know you don't like being pressured and you can't commit to anything. Then you have stayed honest with yourself and them. And your statement that you have never experienced romantic feelings , doesn't mean you can't try. Romantic feelings are simple. Do you feel respected, and cared for; do you feel happy and a little excited when you see them? Do you think about them? Friends are great, but we usually don't think about friends everyday. It's already romantic if you can't disconnect from thinking about them. Hope this eases your stress.
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2019
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata Applying for the here and now....

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    You said you have never experienced romantic feelings. Do you feel cared for and respected by this person? Are you happy and excited to see them? Do you think about them during the day? These are romantic feelings.
     
  11. Catana

    Catana Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Anyone who insists they know you have feelings that you don't have, especially when it's about him (or her), is not your friend. His attitude is entirely about what he wants from you and is determined to get, and not about you at all. Walk away. Unfriend, go silent, ignore.
     
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  12. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    No, these are feelings that can happen in both romantic and platonic relationships.

    Feeling respected and cared for, happy or excited to see someone, and thinking about them sometimes when they are not there, these are all part of any healthy relationship where some degree of closeness or emotional attachment develops - they are not unique to romance.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
  13. Rebecca Merriam

    Rebecca Merriam Active Member

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    If your friend doesn't listen and insists you have feelings when you said otherwise, isnt a friend, and is gonna just continue to be frustrating, im really sorry,
     
  14. dragonfire42

    dragonfire42 Member

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    Thank you for the replies everyone, you all have given me a lot to think about.