Friend autistic at school, NT outside of it?

[Dadamen]

I have a friend in school that is not diagnosed with ASD, just as I'm not, but he shows a lot of symptoms of it. He clearly lacks some social skills (I'm the only one in class who tolerates it) and sometimes leads one-way conversations about his favourite topics, at these times I listen to him, sometimes not very carefully, but I don't interrupt him and let him say what he wanted. The two of us separated from others from class when it comes to hanging out and became good friends. Then he invited me to his birthday. Apart from me, he invited all class, but few people came and also invited some friends from his sports club. At his party, he was a different person from one in school. He, two boys from class that came (at some other times these boys insulted him) and his friends from the sports club had great fun while I was out. At the party, he was a typical teenager, while in school he is a person very similar to me and that's why I thought he might be an aspie. He knows about Asperger's syndrome from Greta Thunberg, but he and I never talked about me or him having it.

 

[OkRad]

People have different roles in different contexts.

 

[Thinx]

It sounds like you are maybe dissapointed. But from what you say, he could still be Aspie, just masking with others? He possibly feels more comfortable and confident at home, too.

 

[Gerontius]

It's easy to have roles & set patterns for one social setting, but not use them for other settings.

 

[Fino]

One of the variables was that his friends from the sports club were there. Perhaps they influenced his behavior.

 

[Dadamen]

It sounds like you are maybe disappointed. But from what you say, he could still be Aspie, just masking with others? He possibly feels more comfortable and confident at home, too.

Yes, I actually would like he is an aspie. In fact, he has introverted and extroverted days at school. On introverted days everything is fine. He talks mostly with me and ignores others. On extroverted days he talks with others and leaves me, but then after some time others get bored of him and behave badly to him and then I'm the only one who still supports him at these times.

One of the variables was that his friends from the sports club were there. Perhaps they influenced his behaviour.

Yes, this party was the first time both I and his friends from the sports club were with him at the same time, also once he told me before that he has better friends there than at school. Maybe this is because they share his special interest.

 

[Pieceofmind]

I think what might be going on there is that he is but on the very end of the spectrum and the difference in environment like a party that is a lot more busy with things going on but less so when it comes to thinking about much of what you're doing especially if drugs/alcohol are involved which change the situation entirely. He could have a easier time interacting with people in an environment like that because of that difference in situation but take him out of it and he's what looks like someone else. Not called a spectrum for nothing but not even inviting you had me thinking there was quite of a bit of being an asshole plain and simple there especially after reading other things you said there.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I am very different around certain people. I think, as others have said - it'll be a mask for certain people, and they'll feel more comfortable, or become outgoing around others.

Ed

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Aspies are good at masking their symptoms. As much as I hate social situations and I often feel like a cat trying to get away from the vet, I can be quite the social butterfly at a party. I want everyone to have fun, and be happy, and I try to make it perfect for everyone there. Once I see my guests are all schmoozing with each other, I know I can fade into the background, and my job is done.

 

[Pieceofmind]

I am very different around certain people. I think, as others have said - it'll be a mask for certain people, and they'll feel more comfortable, or become outgoing around others.

Ed

I also am like at work with others i may seem more autistic because I'm trapped in between needing to act more professional and less loose yet at the same time this person is trying to be much more casual with me and being me not good at balancing those both at once and being much more outgoing despite everything I also don't want to act too weird for them, then things really down the drain and I probably just got a worse picture of me painted in their heads with a side of "what is wrong with this person?" which is probably one of the worst things about being on the more outgoing end of the spectrum while still have a lot of major differences than normal people. It causes a lot of confusion and I won't lie and say it's anyone's fault for people getting such mixed messages from what is a normal perspective on the way someone is being.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I mask most at work. But you can only repress so much. I can't stop the fidgeting - especially when sat in chairs. But I can only whisper my verbal ticks. I think facial ticks and grimacing etc occurs more at work.

I weird people out if I'm my true self - which is why I'm only that way around a few people. But those people are friends, and whilst they have all branded me as weird, or odd - they still find it endearing. If they didn't - we wouldn't be close friends.

Strange in this day and age when there's pride for sexuality and race etc. We could really do with more pride in who we are - so we could drop the mask a little. All this pretending isn't nice. I know it's in a bid to fit in, but why? Most of these people at work would never be my friends, so why am I pretending to be like them?

My only friend here left though, so I mask all the time now. When he worked here, I left the mask down a little - and it was a relief. I noticed it had other people laughing too, but now I'm just the quiet and painfully shy guy - except on the phone, where there's confidence.

Ed