For women: how do you overcomes social intolerance or misunderstoods by your behaviour?

[Elis Regina]

I mean, i am really convinced that, in a general way, society tends to be much more tolerant with atypicals or ''strange" behaviours when they come from men.
How do you overcomes it?

Ps: English ins't my native language, so probably this text must contain some spelling erros. Please feel free and welcome to correct them.

 

[Bolletje]

Practice, practice, practice.

That, and learning to stop obsessing over the times when interacting do go awkwardly.

 

[Elis Regina]

Practice, practice, practice.

That, and learning to stop obsessing over the times when interacting do go awkwardly.

Thank you for answer! =)
It seems a good suggestion!

 

[BraidedPony]

It depends on what behavior, if you are in public, and can the behavior be changed. If the behavior CAN be changed, do you want to change it or not.
I’m not sure i agree that males have it better regarding this. Usually it’s a mans world, but men have little tollerance for other men that don’t act stereotypically male.
Im kinda new to this subject so you are probably right, but its hard for males and females both!
Your question about how to overcome it, too big a question for me to answer.

 

[I love roses]

I watch youtube videos to improve. But it gets tiring trying to remember to be conscious of everything. There are youtube videos on how to start a conversation and such when at a gathering. Through watching the videos I try to be less strange and more main stream. But I’d rather just be myself.

 

[Elis Regina]

It depends on what behavior, if you are in public, and can the behavior be changed. If the behavior CAN be changed, do you want to change it or not.
I’m not sure i agree that males have it better regarding this. Usually it’s a mans world, but men have little tollerance for other men that don’t act stereotypically male.
Im kinda new to this subject so you are probably right, but its hard for males and females both!
Your question about how to overcome it, too big a question for me to answer.

Thanks for answer!
I get your point and it makes sense to me. Maybe the bigger or lower tolerance related with genders changes according to the aspect that we focus on. Specifically at the the point of being considered sufficient polite, i think the exigence for us (women) are much higher. Frequently, if i act in a certain way such that for a man would be considered very gentle, when it comes from me most people classifies it as "too cold" (even rude).

 

[Elis Regina]

I watch youtube videos to improve. But it gets tiring trying to remember to be conscious of everything. There are youtube videos on how to start a conversation and such when at a gathering. Through watching the videos I try to be less strange and more main stream. But I’d rather just be myself.

Thanks for answer!
I will search for those videos. But i think that "just be myself" seems really much more easy and confortable.

 

[Progster]

I'm a tomboy - I don't dress or look or behave like a typical female, so people tend not to expect typical female behaviour from me, either.

 

[Elis Regina]

I'm a tomboy - I don't dress or look or behave like a typical female, so people tend not to expect typical female behaviour from me, either.

Thanks for the answer!
You brings us other topic: homophobia.
You don't suffer from this? I perceive myself as a tomboy too, but frequently i feel some necessity to ''modulate'' my appearence by the fear of suffer some kind of violence (i've already suffered).

 

[BraidedPony]

Yes, you are right that women are expected to be sweet, warm, trusting, touchy touchy. Gross, but true. Cultural differnces come into play here too.
Im more of a silly child like, laugh and clap my hands woman than one that looks “cold”. Well, maybe i am when stressed beyond a point i do.
When a man appears cold, he is seen as thinking deeply about world affairs! Lol
I guess to appear less cold, smile more? When you do though, think of something funny and pleasant so that the smile is genuine and not just the shape of your mouth. Another thing to try is to, if possible, move a little in a relaxed way. For example, when sitting lean to one side and rest your elbow on the arm of the chair. This avoids the straight stiff body language.

 

[Elis Regina]

Yes, you are right that women are expected to be sweet, warm, trusting, touchy touchy. Gross, but true. Cultural differnces come into play here too.
Im more of a silly child like, laugh and clap my hands woman than one that looks “cold”. Well, maybe i am when stressed beyond a point i do.
When a man appears cold, he is seen as thinking deeply about world affairs! Lol
I guess to appear less cold, smile more? When you do though, think of something funny and pleasant so that the smile is genuine and not just the shape of your mouth. Another thing to try is to, if possible, move a little in a relaxed way. For example, when sitting lean to one side and rest your elbow on the arm of the chair. This avoids the straight stiff body language.

 

[Elis Regina]

I will try those tips about body posture and genuine fake smiles. And the part about "cold men thinking about the highest international interests" was really much funny! Thank you for this, my day starts better! ;]

 

[Progster]

Thanks for the answer!
You brings us other topic: homophobia.
You don't suffer from this? I perceive myself as a tomboy too, but frequently i feel some necessity to ''modulate'' my appearence by the fear of suffer some kind of violence (i've already suffered).

No, I don't suffer from this. I'm not homosexual, just not at all 'girly' or feminine.

 

[I love roses]

No, I don't suffer from this. I'm not homosexual, just not at all 'girly' or feminine.

I think Elis is saying the homophobia is from people assuming she is based on appearance alone whether it is true or not true. Many Aspie women are straight but it is a normal female Aspie trait to not dress up a lot with fussing of hair, lots of cosmetics, difficult to maintain and wear certain clothes especially if of irritating cloth. I fell into a t-shirt and jeans regime simply for ease of care, long wear, and comfort. I myself have tried to locate some comfy more feminine blouses to fit in at certain social situations. T-shirts can be viewed on a woman as thuggish, so I too feel pressure to conform. I don’t want to be thought of as some addict when I just want to be comfy.

Actually, I was wearing a Kentucky Headhunters T-shirt while out with friends at an inexpensive restaurant. A Scary looking guy walked up and said he dug the band and t-shirt. My friend jumped all in my face for wearing it because she said I was attracting trashy people that frightened her to our table. I told her she was overly paranoid that they guy behave pleasant and that Kentucky Headhunters is popular among many classes and cultures of people. They guy was harmless, just missing some teeth. What is funny is she started getting targeted at walmart by people asking to be her maid because she always took designer purses and wore lots of jewelry. I told her her clothes would get her knocked in the head, not mine and that she better tone it down and learn to dress for the occasion that Kate Spade is not necessary for for Walmart. She has been approached by some creepy situations because of it. I got my payback for her judgement.

 

[Progster]

I think Elis is saying the homophobia is from people assuming she is based on appearance alone whether it is true or not true. Many Aspie women are straight but it is a normal female Aspie trait to not dress up a lot with fussing of hair, lots of cosmetics, difficult to maintain and wear certain clothes especially if of irritating cloth. I fell into a t-shirt and jeans regime simply for ease of care, long wear, and comfort. I myself have tried to locate some comfy more feminine blouses to fit in at certain social situations. T-shirts can be viewed on a woman as thuggish, so I too feel pressure to conform. I don’t want to be thought of as some addict when I just want to be comfy.

Actually, I was wearing a Kentucky Headhunters T-shirt while out with friends at an inexpensive restaurant. A Scary looking guy walked up and said he dug the band and t-shirt. My friend jumped all in my face for wearing it because she said I was attracting trashy people that frightened her to our table. I told her she was overly paranoid that they guy behave pleasant and that Kentucky Headhunters is popular among many classes and cultures of people. They guy was harmless, just missing some teeth. What is funny is she started getting targeted at walmart by people asking to be her maid because she always took designer purses and wore lots of jewelry. I told her her clothes would get her knocked in the head, not mine and that she better tone it down and learn to dress for the occasion that Kate Spade is not necessary for for Walmart. She has been approached by some creepy situations because of it. I got my payback for her judgement.

I used to worry more about what people thought about me when I was younger, but not any more. I think that if I had to work in an office where dressing smartly was important, it would concern me more, but as I work at home and people who know me are used to me being as I am, it doesn't worry me.

 

[Horsegirl]

People think I'm strange all the time. I usually tell them to quit.

 

[Mary Anne]

I am extremely androgynous the older I get. I love it, and think it’s awesome when I am called “sir.” Luckily, I live in a diverse region, where it’s not a problem. Everyone is quite liberal here in the megalopolis. I love playing around with my looks.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Today I wore a pink t-shirt with a picture of the White Rabbit from Disney's Alice in Wonderland on it. Wonder if anyone thought that made me look "thuggish"?

 

[Elis Regina]

I think Elis is saying the homophobia is from people assuming she is based on appearance alone whether it is true or not true. Many Aspie women are straight but it is a normal female Aspie trait to not dress up a lot with fussing of hair, lots of cosmetics, difficult to maintain and wear certain clothes especially if of irritating cloth. I fell into a t-shirt and jeans regime simply for ease of care, long wear, and comfort. I myself have tried to locate some comfy more feminine blouses to fit in at certain social situations. T-shirts can be viewed on a woman as thuggish, so I too feel pressure to conform. I don’t want to be thought of as some addict when I just want to be comfy.

Actually, I was wearing a Kentucky Headhunters T-shirt while out with friends at an inexpensive restaurant. A Scary looking guy walked up and said he dug the band and t-shirt. My friend jumped all in my face for wearing it because she said I was attracting trashy people that frightened her to our table. I told her she was overly paranoid that they guy behave pleasant and that Kentucky Headhunters is popular among many classes and cultures of people. They guy was harmless, just missing some teeth. What is funny is she started getting targeted at walmart by people asking to be her maid because she always took designer purses and wore lots of jewelry. I told her her clothes would get her knocked in the head, not mine and that she better tone it down and learn to dress for the occasion that Kate Spade is not necessary for for Walmart. She has been approached by some creepy situations because of it. I got my payback for her judgement.

You perfectly understood what i tried to say! Thanks!

 

[Gracey]

I used to worry more about what people thought about me when I was younger, but not any more. I think that if I had to work in an office where dressing smartly was important, it would concern me more, but as I work at home and people who know me are used to me being as I am, it doesn't worry me.

A woman after my own heart, so to speak.

Most of my work places to date have involved some kind of dress code or uniform so we’ve all looked like little Russian dolls anyway.

Other than work I rarely socialise.

Apart from walking the dog.
Dog walkers appear to have a bit of a dress code thing going on too.
- sensible shoes, trousers, jacket or gillet- with pockets.

I can’t ever remember seeing someone walk their dog wearing a skirt or dress and heeled shoes.
- the definition is ‘walking’ not pushing the pram containing the dog or carrying the dog in a hand or man bag.