1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured Fitting In

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ken, Mar 1, 2021.

  1. Ken

    Ken Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    63
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +176
    I recently watched a TEDx talk by Jac den Houting. really liked what she says. I feel so much of what she is talking about. Especially regarding “fitting in”. It is extremely rare that I fit in any social group. I’m just too weird. I can’t seem to fix that because I have no sense of my “weirdness”, but I can see the reactions of others who are put off by me.

    Along that line, I have found inspiration from the movie “The Greatest Showman”. I am curious how many of you here have seen it and if you see in it what I do. It is about a group of “misfits” or social outcasts that come together to form the greatest show on Earth. It is a musical song and dance movie. The one song that touches me the strongest – to tears – is the one titled, “This Is Me”. The lyrics can be found here.
     
    • Like Like x 5
    • Friendly Friendly x 5
  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,128
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Karma:
    +6,082
    I can't get u tube on my tablet at present, but I will watch this next time I fire up my laptop. Sounds interesting. @John M suggests that Not fitting in to social groups is a defining part of Aspergers, and I think it's a fair point. I find part of the issue is different processing, however that works, I seem to not be in sync with others. Hey, we all kind of fit in here though, don't we?

    I haven't seen the film, but I do find musicals inspiring sometimes, I ll look out for this one.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,301
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +10,104
    Thanks for suggesting this.l find l try hard to fit in but then find out that maybe l don't really like the particular social group because some have hidden agendas. So l just kinda do the minimum and not get wrapped in people. But it saddens me that your quirkiness scares off people. I am off too and being a female probably lets me get away with more weirdness because they can just call me stupid. lol.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  4. Bibliophile715

    Bibliophile715 Armin - system member - any pronouns

    Messages:
    134
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2021
    Karma:
    +176
    Never really been able to fit in any social group myself either. I have tried to fit in some groups in real life in the past but I was always the odd one out due to being autistic and generally weird/strange. Only been able to feel like I slightly fit in by talking to some other people online before especially with those who are on the spectrum or undiagnosed and think they may be on the spectrum.

    Never seen that film as musical films are generally hard for me to understand but reading the lyrics to that song was quite relatable to me so I get that feeling and I'm glad that song helped you as well.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  5. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,693
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Karma:
    +4,961
    I know what that feels like. It is odd that we are "weird" and yet do not know why. It is so perplexing.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. The Pandector

    The Pandector Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    67
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2021
    Karma:
    +166
    This thread hits the heart of it for me. I self-diagnosed about 6 months ago, after a very frustrating 7 decades.
    As a measure of how distant and different I am, people very regularly take a more-or-less immediate dislike to me. I wish I could say that I'm done trying to fit it, knowing without doubt that my efforts will fail. But I can't say that.
    My motives and intentions are good. My desire to have friends is strong. But these have never been enough to find me a group where I was comfortable.
    Now, having found the reason for my woes and its incurable nature, I am losing my desire to seek friends or burden family. I know I'll never fit in. Like flying, God gave me the desire but not the means.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,301
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +10,104
    The funny thing is now l am comfortable not fitting in. As l have said elsewhere, people can be twisted and bad but normal in evey other sense of the word. l am rather content at this point of my life.☺ Table for one please.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  8. Neonatal RRT

    Neonatal RRT Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    324
    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2020
    Karma:
    +855
    Yes. Myself, as well. Content. Zero interest in being part of a group or organization. I get along just fine with people,...we can laugh and work together,...but really not interested in anything more. It's that whole social/interpersonal bonding and communication issue. At home, and dealing with the few social things we do with family,...my wife does all of that,...I do not receive those phone calls and texts.

    I am happily married, but it is different than some marriages as we do experience ALOT of silence around the house. If there are things that are important like finances, jobs to do around the house, appointments, etc....sure, we communicate well,...but general "chit-chat" and talking just to be talking,...not happening.

    Perhaps, this is just me,...I don't know, but I literally just walk around and have nothing to say. It's like very few things are of any importance to speak up and share as part of "light" conversation. If someone asks me something, I am willing to monologue for hours though.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  9. Ken

    Ken Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    63
    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2019
    Karma:
    +176
    Yes, I too have difficulty following musicals, but this one was rather different. For any music, I am unable to follow the words and music at the same time. Each interferes with the other. The music usually overwhelms the words. But, the core message of the movie was about "misfits" having a profound purpose was easy to follow - regardless of the words. After watching the movie, I went to Google to find the lyrics.
    I also have a very hard time with chaotic, busy activity. However, I 'm fine, and enjoy well choreographed music and dance. I found this one to be very well done in that respect.
    I found the movie so uplifting I bought the DVD.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  10. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,315
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +33,188
    To me part of my autism is a lifetime of never really fitting in. Period. :oops:
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
  11. The Pandector

    The Pandector Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    67
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2021
    Karma:
    +166
    DawGON, Aspychata. That is truly inspirational and gives me hope that I might also reach such a peaceful plateau. Thank you.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Bibliophile715

    Bibliophile715 Armin - system member - any pronouns

    Messages:
    134
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2021
    Karma:
    +176
    Glad to hear that you found it quite uplifting even though you also have difficulty following musicals. I'll see if I can watch it sometime! I often do Google lyrics for most songs I hear as sometimes it's difficult for me to hear the words in them and I want to read the lyrics instead so I get that.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    25,315
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2013
    Karma:
    +33,188
    True dat. There's a certain in point in life where I just stopped caring. Eff 'em.
     
  14. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    351
    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2020
    Karma:
    +458
    I have never really fit in. In elementary school I had a couple friends, but I always felt tall and awkward, and more of a tag-along than a real member of the group sometimes.
    In middle school I was actively rejected from society and bullied for my appearance.
    By high school the bullying stopped but I still found it hard to interact with anyone. I ran into my elementary school friends and started hanging out with them again, but the social group grew, and I think most of us have a hard time interacting as part of a group.

    Now that I think of it, I don't know how well I ever fit in. I certainly felt like an outsider. but I don't know how they saw me. The only time I didn't feel like an outsider was in preschool/ kindergarten, when my friend and I would crawl around on the floor meowing at each other. My current friends also meow with me. So I guess I can fit in with people who meow at others :3
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  15. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,693
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Karma:
    +4,961
    I like meowing :)
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
  16. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    351
    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2020
    Karma:
    +458
    I find that I mainly meow when I'm comfortable and relaxed. In public I tend to have my guard up, but if I'm around friends or family then I'm relaxed enough that I meow without thinking about it.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  17. SchrodingersMeerkat

    SchrodingersMeerkat trash mammal

    Messages:
    377
    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2017
    Karma:
    +469
    I never really cared about fitting in. "Fitting in" meant having to pretend to be someone else. If I couldn't talk about my special interests, I didn't care for that person. Most people whenever wanted to hear about my special interests, so I never wanted to be around them.
     
  18. Siv

    Siv Member

    Messages:
    33
    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2020
    Karma:
    +39
    I never really fit in at school and still don't at college/university. I still try to my best to socialize and make friends.
     
  19. SchrodingersMeerkat

    SchrodingersMeerkat trash mammal

    Messages:
    377
    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2017
    Karma:
    +469
    I am still trying to figure out why I need friends in the first place. And exactly what I am supposed to do with them.
     
  20. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    351
    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2020
    Karma:
    +458
    Personally, I like having someone I can share jokes and ideas with. Or someone whom I can talk to, who understands what I've been through.