Feeling totally awkward and self conscious but I'm going to take the plunge ...

[Nauti]

And post an intro. Hi, my name is Neri, I'm 45, a mum, recently coming to terms with my Aspieness.

Prior to this I was preoccupied with healing from multiple traumas, and have a diagnosis of Developmental and Adult trauma -PTSD. I participate in a ptsd website.

Just had my Aspie Dad up and realized, after looking into "Females on the Spectrum" , that I am one of them.

I am an East Coast Aussie (Australian). I also have a not High Functioning Autistic son, who is 26. He lives in supported accommodation and has a great disability day program. I suspect other of my son's to be Aspie. Their dad has a mixture of Aspie/narcissist and anti social personality disorder traits and my new partner is also a undiagnosed Aspie who has gone through a lot of trauma.

Diagnosis is between $950 and $1950 here, and although I really want an assessment and consul from Tony Attwood, I may have to bide my time and wait until I am more finantially able.

I am a diverse interest Aspie, I guess. I love reading, youtube, and binge watching decent series'. I am musical, write poetry, a bit of a health-oriented foodie, drama nerd (how I learnt to fake being social in late primary school - speech and drama lessons), nature girl (no to low people, yay!), artsy, literary, intellectual. My interests include mental health - recovery, accurate diagnosis and peer support, ethical and sustainable solutions for creating healthier culture(s) and environment(s) and trying to figure out how to integrate and survive in a predominantly neurotypical humanscape.

Thanks for having me here. I hope to build on my, pretty poor, connection skills and be an asset to this online community.

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome

 

[Nauti]

Welcome

Thank you @Bolletje

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Nauti]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

Thank you, so much, Isadoorian .I hope so too.

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi Neri
Welcome to the community You'll find plenty of people who understand you here. It would be wonderful if you could eventually get a consult with Tony Attwood. Of those psychologists in the public eye, he has one of the best understandings of our differences I've come across. I've posted his videos here a few times and I'd recommend his books to anyone trying to make sense of the spectrum.
I hope you find this a comfortable space to unload and learn.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Neri

 

[Pats]

Hello Neri and welcome.

 

[tree]

 

[Sara3]

And post an intro. Hi, my name is Neri, I'm 45, a mum, recently coming to terms with my Aspieness.

Prior to this I was preoccupied with healing from multiple traumas, and have a diagnosis of Developmental and Adult trauma -PTSD. I participate in a ptsd website.

Just had my Aspie Dad up and realized, after looking into "Females on the Spectrum" , that I am one of them.

I am an East Coast Aussie (Australian). I also have a not High Functioning Autistic son, who is 26. He lives in supported accommodation and has a great disability day program. I suspect other of my son's to be Aspie. Their dad has a mixture of Aspie/narcissist and anti social personality disorder traits and my new partner is also a undiagnosed Aspie who has gone through a lot of trauma.

Diagnosis is between $950 and $1950 here, and although I really want an assessment and consul from Tony Attwood, I may have to bide my time and wait until I am more finantially able.

I am a diverse interest Aspie, I guess. I love reading, youtube, and binge watching decent series'. I am musical, write poetry, a bit of a health-oriented foodie, drama nerd (how I learnt to fake being social in late primary school - speech and drama lessons), nature girl (no to low people, yay!), artsy, literary, intellectual. My interests include mental health - recovery, accurate diagnosis and peer support, ethical and sustainable solutions for creating healthier culture(s) and environment(s) and trying to figure out how to integrate and survive in a predominantly neurotypical humanscape.

Thanks for having me here. I hope to build on my, pretty poor, connection skills and be an asset to this online community.

Hi Natie. This website is full of friendly people. I hope you like it.
I also like healthy food. I am happy there is at least two places in this city where I can drink soy milk, almond milk and a have good lunch. Also, I am terrible at cooking.

 

[Nauti]

Hi Neri
Welcome to the community You'll find plenty of people who understand you here. It would be wonderful if you could eventually get a consult with Tony Attwood. Of those psychologists in the public eye, he has one of the best understandings of our differences I've come across. I've posted his videos here a few times and I'd recommend his books to anyone trying to make sense of the spectrum.
I hope you find this a comfortable space to unload and learn.

Thank you Autistamatic I watched your latest vid. I thought it was brilliant and very accurate. In fact as soon as you described the scenario, with the woman who had just split up with her boyfriend, I instantly thought about her homesslessness as the main problem to help her solve. So, I totally relate.

After lots and lots of reading psychology books and fiction and watching drama type shows and movies, I think I have learnt to "act" in an more socially recognized, responsive, empathetic manner, but I've found that there are drawbacks to this.

Firstly, I slipped under the radar and was dismissed when asking advise of professionals, about my suspicions that I am on the spectrum, being told, and I quote "You are too empathetic to be on the spectrum".

Secondly, all the trying to be and sound and look "normal" has left me burnt out, socially and now I just want to recluse with my Aspie guyfriend and give all my empathy to him and my children and avoid as many NT's as I can, coz I don't like masking and how it can feel like lying and being pretentious. I detest dishonesty in any form, even if it's "nice".

Thank you for the warm welcome.

Yes, I have one of Tony Attwood's books, actually, given to me by the same professional who told me I had too much empathy to be Aspie.
I haven't read it all yet, but one of the descriptions describes my children's dad and it's been very helpful to say to them, by way of an explanation for his stunted behaviour, that I think he's on the spectrum. It's been a relief for them to have an explanation for the strange and cut off ways that he behaves.

I should get back to reading the rest of the book.

I live not-too-far from Brisbane, where Tony has a practice and I've watched some of his stuff on women on the spectrum and I know he gets us, and how we can present much more NTish than many of the guys, so I feel fortunate that I can book in to see him, when I can justify the expense.

 

[Nauti]

Thank you @Pats, @tree and @Sara3 .

 

[Nauti]

Oh sorry, I missed you @Nitro, thank you..

 

[KD7]

Drama class taught me how to fake being social too!

 

[Nauti]

Drama class taught me how to fake being social too!

Wasn't it just a "godsend"? I was like "Wow, so I can just pretend to be someone else? Yay . I'll fake it til I make it".
I was a super quiet always-with-my-head-in-a-book Aspie girl before that. I did spend some time near-mute, as a teen, but that was after too much trauma and neglect.
I ended up becoming a professional performance artist, as a singer, which I could only do because of the early drama training. Yes, it was excruciating. I did get good, though, but being an Aspie and a parent has presented many challenges to that career path and I'm not doing that at the moment.

 

[KD7]

Wasn't it just a "godsend"? I was like "Wow, so I can just pretend to be someone else? Yay . I'll fake it til I make it".
I was a super quiet always-with-my-head-in-a-book Aspie girl before that. I did spend some time near-mute, as a teen, but that was after too much trauma and neglect.
I ended up becoming a professional performance artist, as a singer, which I could only do because of the early drama training. Yes, it was excruciating. I did get good, though, but being an Aspie and a parent has presented many challenges to that career path and I'm not doing that at the moment.

Yes! I remember, during a lesson on how to improv, my teacher said "treat what people say as a gift and return it with a gift" and thinking to myself, "so THATS how you have a conversation with someone!" I'm still not very good at it (actually, I'd say I'm pretty meh at it), but at least I have my few rehearsed lines that work in most situations and I can sometimes awkwardly stumble through a few comments/questions off the top of my head. It takes me a hot minute to get them out there though.

I also used books as my escape - both textbooks and reading books. I spent most of my childhood/teen years reading or playing piano and guitar.

 

[Nauti]

Yes! I remember, during a lesson on how to improv, my teacher said "treat what people say as a gift and return it with a gift" and thinking to myself, "so THATS how you have a conversation with someone!" I'm still not very good at it (actually, I'd say I'm pretty meh at it), but at least I have my few rehearsed lines that work in most situations and I can sometimes awkwardly stumble through a few comments/questions off the top of my head. It takes me a hot minute to get them out there though.

I also used books as my escape - both textbooks and reading books. I spent most of my childhood/teen years reading or playing piano and guitar.

Uuuuughhh why are people so hard to talk to?
I feel like I'm more self conscious again, as I get older. I got much better in my twenties, thirties and then, poof, too much stress, trauma and social setbacks and now I just want to mix with (some) other Aspies coz NT's seem to live in another world to me.

I'm tired of trying to fake it to fit in because I'm still me and faking it didn't work out so well, it just wore me out and I'm still feeling like I'm observing and looking in to a world I can't fit in with or keep up with.

I'm just super lucky I found my Aspie perfect match and we are happy in our little bubble together.