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Feeling suicidal.

Tony Ramirez

Single forever. Friends?
V.I.P Member
I felt suicidal on Wednesday as I wanted to take 90 sleeping pills and wake up in heaven.

I been feeling really depressed. I have an major problem or phobia seeing people wearing face masks. I also have an hearing swearing phobia which through the years got worse until last year I got it more under control.

Then lockdowns and seeing my friends only virtual made it worse. I the started to walk alot last summer. Seeing masks did not faze me much until I spotted more and more after which 9/10 were wearing them it affected me mentally.

Now it seems worse than the swearing. I meltdown if I see one face mask online, punching the wall and screaming. If I am outside I start to run away from people saying get away sometimes screaming.

Since my last instance on Tuesday I have not been out since even not going over to my friends house. I want to leave the house but I am afraid.

I feel like an lost cause and I am tired of suffering with more phobias than before.
 
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I have been feeling way off, too. I never thought how much mask wearing is affecting me, too. I mean, I wear one but you are right! It's really messed with my head not to see people smiling or making social gestures. We have to smile with our eyes now.

I have to hang in there because last time i asked for help, I was dragged off by a cop which was totally unnecessary and I was not even suicidal! But if you are, then you do need to ask for help. You can't leave us. You are one of us and we like you here!

Please hang in there. What calms you? is there music you like? Can you go to a shelter and pet the animals? I like to go to our local greyhound shelter. Those dogs are like DEER and oh, the loooove!!

Maybe you can find animals to pour out their love and fur onto you?

Please stick around.....
 
It's hard to continue on. My friend talked me out of it on Wednesday night. I meant to say I wanted to take the pills on Wednesday night. In my life group which is virtual I had to hear about all there success stories, relationships ones engaged and another will be soon.

Then seeing that face mask on a stupid selfie of someone reviewing a phone pushed me over the edge.
 
Can you talk about what you feel as you see a mask. If it isn't asking too much? Do you have some past experience connected to a mask? Masks seem weird but as a female l love hiding behind my mask. It feels like l can push male attention away from me. So l have become rather attached to them. If l was male, probably not the same. Anyways, hope that you can get more help from your therapist about this. Please discuss your feelings of anything serious. Remember- you can always go to emergency room and ask for help. Or call 911.
 
It's people like you that bother me and it's the reason why masks will never go away. Too many people like wearing them.

If you want to know I see them as hopeless and a threat. I think that they are going to attack or hurt me.

When I was 2 years old I nearly died and was surrounded by doctors. I keep wishing I would have died then.
 
Normally, I'd give a link, but since there are masked people images on there, I will not give a link. Read this below. It may be helpful for you.

We live in our world where these kind of things are not under our control. It is on you to find ways to cope with this situation we are all in.

You have people who support you here Tony, but the person who is going to be able to find ways to manage these situations in healthy ways is ultimately you. You will be able to figure out things that calm you best. Maybe even practice- if there's a situation that isn't working out well for you, take deep breaths and walk away. For zoom sessions, maybe don't give eye contact or get permission to cover your screen with a cloth so that you don't have to see someone else with a mask.

I know you've been wanting to date before, and I understand that it is very frustrating and challenging. When you figure out how to work with yourself and your quirks so that they don't affect those around you negatively, this will help you become more attractive to the world.






Why Protective Face Masks Make You Feel Anxious and What You Can Do to Cope


By Mary Lang Director of Marketing Communications


It’s hard to breathe. It’s hot. I feel claustrophobic. It hurts my ears. It fogs up my glasses. No one looks human. It just reminds me of what’s out there.

Welcome to the weird world of COVID-19 where the new normal means keeping our distance from others and wearing a mask to cover your face.

It shouldn’t bother us so much, but it does. Why?

As we wrote in another blog, Strategies for Patients with Mask Anxiety in Radiation Oncology, the answer may be a combination of both psychological (feelings of vulnerability, uncertainty, fear) and physiological (rapid heartbeat, rapid breathing, breaking out in sweats) responses.

For many private citizens, it’s an added stressor of the pandemic and a physical reminder of how much our lives have changed and become socially detached from each other. For healthcare providers, it’s a daily reminder of the fine line between life and death.

Physiologically, the area of the face that is covered by protective face mask (PFM) happens to be very thermosensitive - an increase of temperature in the facial skin covered by PFM significantly influences thermal sensations of the whole body, making one feel hot.

People with underlying anxiety disorders or claustrophobia can feel be particularly affected with emotional discomfort of wearing PFM. For most people, however, the discomfort is subjective and tends to diminish as one gets used to wearing the mask.

Coping mechanisms

So, since it looks like we’ll be a mask-wearing society for a while yet, the CDC and mental health experts recommend the following strategies:

  • Diaphragmatic breathing – breath through your nose and try breathing from the diaphragm – where your belly expands in and out instead of your chest going up and down. It helps to imagine that you have a balloon in your stomach. Take longer to exhale than inhale, perhaps inhaling for three seconds and exhaling for four.
  • Repeat a mantra – a word, phrase, or even a sound that helps with focus. The mantra can take the form of reassurance and may be as simple as, “This too shall pass.” Focusing on gently repeating a mantra can help slow physical responses and regulate breathing.
  • Practice mindfulness – pay attention to what is really occurring in the present moment. Instead of becoming immersed in self-created thoughts and worries.
  • Try Aromatherapy inhaling essential oils such as lavender have long been used to relieve anxiousness and bring about a sense of calm relaxation. Alternately, Orange essential oil can help uplift spirits. Beekley Medical offers its Elequil aromatabs® for private use on the Elequil.com shop. Made with 100% pure essential oils, self-adhesive Elequil aromatabs are easy to use and last up to 8 hours.

And, if I may add my own coping mechanism - consider your mask this year’s hottest new accessory and have some fun with it by making it your own. As private citizens, our protective face coverings don’t need to be medical grade.

Despite being initially offended by the ads in my social media feeds for designed face masks, I’ve changed my mind about them. I went from seeing them as cashing in on a crisis and in poor taste to appreciating their anticipation of customer wants and needs (must be the marketer in me).

As quarantine life drags on and this is going to be my face to world for a while, I’d rather have a design that makes me happy and fits my personality than something that looks clinical and reminds me of sickness.

Whatever coping mechanism(s) you use in order to wear your mask; we hope you all stay healthy and safe.
 
Thanks for not posting the images.

As for dating last year I was starting to branch out even though 90% of the people at my local church were couples and few 20% single by choice so my odds were against me.

Now I am in much worse shape. I am afraid to even look out my window how am I suppose to face girls when I can't even literally see there faces.

Also at home I have no support. My uncle and mother want to commit me and just tell me get over it.

My weight is getting worse as I use to enjoy going for walks and to parks but now that's worse gaining weight.

I also don't sleep well either sleep little or over sleep to around 3pm.

How can anyone want to live a life like me. Why is it so difficult to just die and be with the father.

Almost forgot during Zoom they don't wear masks except only a few times and I left insulting in the chat the person. They apologized and left their camera off.
 
The professional help thing, i agree. Mostly these things pass, i came out the other side ok. It was not pleasant. I wrote suicide notes, made plans, had the means and all that. I kept the notes. Thats because i made a commitment to write down why, then wait a few days and then review it. I also learned to cultivate empathy, thats not ez from where you are. Now i am doing alot better. My life is kind of tragic in some ways. Perspective is a strange thing. A pile of garbage can have beauty if you look at it right.
I learned that i was making poor choices, that i really should be grateful, for all that i have, and everything that has happened, and just all of it. I was choosing to look down the outhouse hole, all the time. Now i focus on other things.
Your life is a precious thing. What is bumming you out? It sounds like your living situation kinda sucks, is that a part of it? I had lots of things i didnt like about me, like a weed choked flower bed, i thought it was all bad, totally hopeless, etc. I was wrong.
Tiger killed himself 35 years ago, he was never treated for mental health. What he did hurt everyone who knew him. Everyone thought they should have done something, we all had guilt, i still do. Please dont hurt your friends. Maybe it might help to let some of the reasons out.....
See it can be like a cycle, that repeats.
YOU CAN ALTER THE PATTERN, I PROMISE
 
Just now I wanted to search for EDM music which I like and on the website some prick was wearing an mask. I am frustrated, angry and even more sad. Now I really don't want to live.

If only my mother did not take my sleeping pills I will take the entire bottle while listing to this.
Gammadrone by J.S. Epperson
 
I want to share an affirmation with you Tony. If you say these things enough they come back, like an echo

"There is only one life,
That life is God's life!
That life is perfect!
That life is my life now."

Please try it, it is soothing. When you feel the darkness calling, just say that out loud, and repeat it a few times.

Here is a pretty picture to look at.
 
20210202_110406.jpg
 
Im not making light of your situation, this is the only medicine i have that may help, humor, and interest. Please watch this video

 
I think i will make some of these, just for entertainment, how much could it cost in time and material like 20 bucks and a half a days effort?
 
So if that worked, then try and think about gratitude next. What i admire about people i know and love, and list things that you like. Always look to the good, its not ez at first. What i admire about Tony Ramirez is his courage and His faith. I am too scared to be around people, tony has more courage than i do, and his faith is stronger than mine
 

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