Feeling out of place

[inkfingers]

Lately, I've been feeling really out of place. I know I've felt like this my whole life, but I've been thinking about it more recently. If I took a DNA test and it said I wasn't human, I wouldn't be very surprised. I've been interested in fashion lately (which is out of character for me) and I realized that I'm just trying to fit in and look nice and... normal. But I've never been normal, so what am I thinking, trying to cover it up!

I like being different, because it is my personality. I wouldn't want to change it. But I also want to fit in. I want to fit in appearance wise, so that way I'll look like I at least belong somewhere.
Does anyone else feel this way? Trying to fit in without changing yourself? Or just feeling like you belong in another world?

 

[Illkurok]

I've tried fitting in with the world before, but a nerd with an obsession of Star Wars as strong as mine just has no place among the rest.

Trying to fit in in my experience has never worked, I wasn't being my true self, just a version of what I thought others wanted me to be. It's better just to do your own thing and not worry about the world.

Everyone wants a sense of belonging somewhere though, myself included. At least I have this place.

 

[Fino]

I feel the same way about not being a human and often say I'm not the same species as other people. But I think that general feeling or the feeling of being from another planet is typical for people on the spectrum, judging by what I've seen others say. After decades of people doing and sayings things we can't understand, as well as people questioning what we are doing and saying, how could we not end up feeling that way?

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Yes, I understand that feeling and I've had it most of my life though have managed to temporarily fit in at times. Being someone who masks and thus presents well in some ways my problem is that I cannot express my feelings of 'otherness' without people telling me I am being silly or self-absorbed or that really irritating saying 'there's no such thing as normal' and 'everyone is different'. I don't have a solution for you, I can just tell you that you aren't alone in the world. I think it might get better with age, as eventually it is possible to care less what others think, to find your path and pursue your interests. I'm 51 and still not immune to trying to fit in but I also know there are people out there who love the quirky ones and if you are going to find those anywhere it's like in art communities. I'm still learning to just be myself and not worry but it is getting easier.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

once I became comfortable in my own skin I stopped caring about fitting in with anyone.

 

[invisibility003]

I really understand this and can relate to this a lot. There's a part of me that wants to fit in and belong as part of a group at school. But I actually don't want to fit in because I don't really want to change myself, I just want to belong somewhere! I don't even know if I belong in this world at all, I kind of feel like I will belong more with aliens on another planet! Oh well . Glad I'm not the only one though.

 

[Shamar]

Lately, I've been feeling really out of place. I know I've felt like this my whole life, but I've been thinking about it more recently. If I took a DNA test and it said I wasn't human, I wouldn't be very surprised. I've been interested in fashion lately (which is out of character for me) and I realized that I'm just trying to fit in and look nice and... normal. But I've never been normal, so what am I thinking, trying to cover it up!

I like being different, because it is my personality. I wouldn't want to change it. But I also want to fit in. I want to fit in appearance wise, so that way I'll look like I at least belong somewhere.
Does anyone else feel this way? Trying to fit in without changing yourself? Or just feeling like you belong in another world?

Conformity and non-conformity are tricky things. One of the safest things is to be a non-conformist. Take the hippies. They were all about being non-conformist (I lived through the period and observed it all), yet they all seemed to dress alike and have the same philosophies; it was difficult to distinguish any individualism. The all seemed to be the same, and the non conformity was simply in rebelling against their parents.

Being truly non-conformist is being yourself. Sometimes it will be different from others, sometimes it will be the same. It can still be non-conformist if you are the same as others for YOU and not for the others. Being different just for the sake of being different is not non-conformity, and it is also not being true to yourself. I know from my own personal experience, and reading the experiences of others here, that you cannot truly fit in with the NT world, and forcing yourself to do so will not work.

So, be yourself. Trying to fit in is losing twice: first, because you are not being yourself; second, the artificiality will keep you from fitting in. Develop your own style, and change it as you see fit. The way fashion changes, at some point it will be fashionable, then you will be both true to yourself, and looking like you fit in.

 

[BeachLife]

Lately, I've been feeling really out of place. I know I've felt like this my whole life, but I've been thinking about it more recently. If I took a DNA test and it said I wasn't human, I wouldn't be very surprised. I've been interested in fashion lately (which is out of character for me) and I realized that I'm just trying to fit in and look nice and... normal. But I've never been normal, so what am I thinking, trying to cover it up!

I like being different, because it is my personality. I wouldn't want to change it. But I also want to fit in. I want to fit in appearance wise, so that way I'll look like I at least belong somewhere.
Does anyone else feel this way? Trying to fit in without changing yourself? Or just feeling like you belong in another world?

I feel for ya . I have battled with this too, been completely unphased by peoples judgement when I was in my 20's and 30's and got around as a walking breathing artwork lol. I then got self conscious as I got older as I had a big life chsnge and wasn't hanging out with artists and freespirits as much anymore because I had been let down by too many people in those circles who struggle with addiction (and struggle with returning phone calls/being there for me when I need them!)Lol. I tried to make "stable " friends, but this meant I Diddnt fit in. Now i have 2 sides to my wardrobe .....1/ Boring life "uniforms" I can thoughtlessly throw on, stress free, for meetings or situations where I need to blend in. 2/ The "me" side, which I wear most of the time these days and tell myself to shine shine shine like a star while also trying to see the beauty in others I encounter in the day. It can be a real battle .. self expression..in our world!

 

[Progster]

I had a stronger sense of not belonging when I was younger, and on the one hand it bothered me that I didn't belong anywhere, but on the other I didn't want to be like everyone else. I guess what I really wanted was to find people who were more like me who I could fit it with. Now it doesn't bother me so much as it used to, I'm happy being me, in my own company.

 

[Major Tom]

I used to care about fitting in a lot more than I currently do. As I get older, I care less and less. On top of being autistic, I'm living in a foreign country, so I will never fit in. I've come to terms with that.

 

[Suzanne]

When ever I am around people, I feel that I am outside, looking in and in truth, fear that people will see me as a loser, because I am the only one on my own! It is the most awful feeling and especially when I do not feel comfortable in my own skin.

I like being different, but not to the extent that I feel alone.

 

[Oldlady]

I think it is completely normal to want to fit in AND want to be unique. How to do it?

I have found that I do better when I 'fit in' in the ways that I feel comfortable fitting in and where I do not feel comfortable 'fitting in' ... I am unique.

So ... if you want to try to be fashionable and it would be a positive experience for you, then go for it. You are being truer to yourself than someone who doesn't do what they like just because others are doing it.

 

[clg114]

I am a individual. I like being a Aspie and I have no desire to be like anyone else. I just want to be me. So, I am. I really do not care what others think of me (except for my family, of course). Trying to fit in with people whose way of thinking, priorities and belief structure are completely different than your own, is crazy. So, for me fitting in just is not worth it.

 

[dhl02]

I hate using this as an example, but...
If people can tell their kids "it's okay to be gay" they should be able to tell them "it's ok to be on the spectrum" and support them in their journey of life. For some reason unbeknownst to me it isn't ok to be on the spectrum. NTs find you as a pain in the ass because you struggle to do the tasks and behaviors expected of NT Adults.
Long story short: It would make my ability to adapt much easier if my parents and other NTs had the expectations as if I had an ID, but talk to me and otherwise treat me as an NT adult. NTs can't seem to grasp that. It's a bummer. Just because the brain works, doesn't mean I don't still have autism.