Feeling nothing for relationship needs.

[Wolfnox]

I've kinda fell into this hole of not caring for or looking for romantic relationship with girls.
Which isn't a problem. I'm pretty spooky about that kinda relationship anyway.
But, I'm wondering if it's a loss.

 

[Gerontius]

It sounds like freedom to me!

 

[Metalhead]

It means you are happy being single, which ironically makes you more of a chick magnet.

 

[Darkkin]

Not necessarily. Depending on the person, one's peace is the better companion. If you are comfortable with your own company, don't worry about it. If something is right, it's right. Until then. Don't worry about the ifs. That way lies empty effort.

To wit: Don't dig a hole, toss the shovel, start walking, fall in the hole and then wonder how you ended up in a hole with dirt on your face. Because that is precisely what happens when you borrow if onlys.

 

[Fino]

Something can be a loss and a good thing at the same time.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It is on how you decide to respond. There are many here who are happiest and feel secure being alone. And there are those, like me, who learned to accommodate to the social world and prospered because we had normal desires and goals we wanted to achieve.

I felt so lonely that I lived a world of "if,,,only", @Darkkin . And that ended up with me feeling traumatized by reality. That is when I went on a diet of self help, not knowing I was ASD. i needed to do that to survive.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l feel l could start 1000 posts on relationships because they can so confusing. This one l was kinda in, it felt like it was a negative positive, like every time we got close emotionally, l would flee. I think he did too. Then we slipped into to his childhood dynamics, that was a wormhole. Nope, l am not doing your family emeshment patterns. I am not arguing. Then finally we were able to communicate at a much better level. But friendships can be a lot of work.

 

[Misery]

Honestly I'm with you on this one.

I dont experience romantic desire... never did. Never will.

Considering some of the deeply unpleasant nonsense that a lot of people in relationships go through, well... yeah I dont exactly consider it to be a negative thing.

 

[Primrose]

It's great you are single and happy. You can always meet a partner later on, if you want to. If you do meet someone it may well be a more healthy relationship when you know you can be on your own.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I never cared about having one either. And then one day I had one. Believe I may be the type to fall in love if someone is nice to me a few times. If it ever ends, I wonder if I'll eventually be able to slip back into not caring? Or is it like cursed knowledge, that being alone becomes unendurable by contrasting memory?
In terms of loss, I wouldn't worry about it. It's not caring about having one that is the value. The value is the other person. If there's no other person in the equation yet, you've not lost a single thing. Not to mention that a good friendship achieves A LOT as well. It's sometimes overshadowed under how much people idolize the classic romantic one.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Its great that you dont want that now, and If in the future you want that again or any other thing, it will be great too.

 

[Judge]

I've kinda fell into this hole of not caring for or looking for romantic relationship with girls.
Which isn't a problem. I'm pretty spooky about that kinda relationship anyway.
But, I'm wondering if it's a loss.

It's only a "loss" if it never happens and that you wished it had. Though if the opportunity should arise, it's worth keeping such an option open, without any expectations.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Expectations are a happiness killer. But sometimes I think I am an expectation junkie, clinging to another dose of hopeium. When I decided to be my best observant self and to enjoy the journey through the day is when I have been at my happiest.

When I first contacted the woman who is my spouse, I was enjoying who I was and had no expectations. I would never have predicted that our relationship would unfold as it had, all because I was enjoying our time together without expectations getting in the way.

 

[Slim Jim]

That's how you feel now. But one day, You might be minding your own business, and come across a lovely woman, and be very attracted to what you see. And get carried away with feelings.

But no matter how hot this person may be, there's always somebody out there , who's been with her, had their way with her, sick of her and cant stand to be around her.

...Life is funny like that.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

If it ever ends, I wonder if I'll eventually be able to slip back into not caring? Or is it like cursed knowledge, that being alone becomes unendurable by contrasting memory?

The first longer-term relationship after I started dating at 25 ended. It actually gave me more confidence because from that I knew it was possible for me and I learned more about what I desired, and to make the next one work by recognizing those aspects in women.

 

[Aspychata]

The first longer-term relationship after I started dating at 25 ended. It actually gave me more confidence because from that I knew it was possible for me and I learned more about what I desired, and to make the next one work by recognizing those aspects in women.

It's nice when it's an equal amount of learning on both sides. Sometimes it's just one-sided.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It's nice when it's an equal amount of learning on both sides.

Yep. And I learned that there was more than physical beauty, though when I first laid eyes on her, I thought: How svelte. How elegant.

So, I think that saying that is more like what women would say about relationships and I was never a stereotypical male to begin with, and I like it. I've learned skills that only atypical males master, like paddling Whitewater Open Canoes, leading a blind XC- skier in a race, continuing scuba diving past 70, or building canoes and kayaks, and having good friends of 37 years who have adventured together.

 

[Fino]

There are two types of attraction: romantic and sexual. The average person experiences them simultaneously. A person can be asexual and still experiences romantic attraction. A person can be aromantic and still experience sexual attraction. A person can be both aromantic and asexual.

 

[AprilR]

It's not a loss of course. It's not like you can force yourself to have feelings you don't. It's a good feeling to love someone but not everyone experiences it, bc it either happens or don't.

I kept forcing myself to like and connect with people i have nothing in common with in the past. But it brought nothing to my life and i couldn't make a connection. It's mostly pure luck to find someone who understands you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It's mostly pure luck to find someone who understands you.

Of course. But there are two things that can mitigate that? First, it is still a numbers game and sometimes it is hard to play because of various social handicaps that ASD saddles us with. Secondly, as one gains even a little experience, one understands better how to recognize those with characteristics one values in a person, and this makes the numbers game easier.