Feeling all kinds of anxious about going back to work

[Danno]

So I've been signed off by the doctor since Tuesday for anxiety. Meant to be going back this Tuesday.

Been having all kinds of panic attacks the last few days knowing my return to work is getting closer. No meltdowns other than the two I had on Monday (once at work shortly before leaving early when it all kicked off, and then again that evening when talking things through with my family) but that fact it's got that bad (I don't get that way too often) I guess means something?

My family seems to think I'll be ok with going back to work, and that as I haven't been outwardly displaying anxiety etc must mean I'm ok. But I don't somehow feel it myself.

That, and I know any form of "return to work" talk with my line manager is likely to trigger more stuff, based on how I feel at the moment. I am on Sertraline (zoloft) but for less than a week so not feeling any benefits from it yet.

And i know following my talk with work's Occupational Health people, that because I've not yet been formally diagnosed with anything other than anxiety, they cannot look to make any "reasonable adjustments" for me being on the spectrum until I *have* been officially diagnosed. Which given current UK NHS waiting times may take a couple of years. No way can I wait that long.

Feeling kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Financially can't keep taking time off - statutory sick pay would be just a quarter of my regular salary income. But from a wellbeing perspective I can't justify forcing myself to risk getting worse.

I know the "sensible" thing is to look after myself first, but being the main income earner in the household (8 of us family members living here - 6 adults and 2 under 18s, aside from my full time job only 2 others currently working minimum wage part time, mum is disabled so on fixed PIP/ESA disability benefits) if I do take time more off, there's physically no way we can afford to get by. At all.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I'm sorry about your situation. I do not see how you could be ready to go back to work at this point. Anxiety isn't cured by taking a break from the most stressful situations. You need more time for meds to kick in and while you are feeling financially responsible because your mum is disabled, you are disabled too. I'm sorry that I don't have a solution to suggest but I hope you can get some useful diagnosis and support soon.

 

[Joel I]

I can't imagine the stress your under but you need to put your health first. You can't be expected to take care of your family and continue with a soul destroying job to support them. You need someone to take care of you as well. Unfortunately medication does not fix everything, you have to also work on your mental heath. You need to be supported through this difficult time at work. Try to find ways to manage the stresses and try to minimise the problems. Just work on one thing at a time. Just because you don't have an official diagnoses your family should understand your difficulties and be supporting you.

 

[BraidedPony]

The first 10 minutes back to work are the hardest, then you get back into the work and it’s fine. That’s how it is with me. Come up with some plans for stress relief while at work. For me I would go to the bathroom if I started feeling overwhelmed. I would save my favorite duties for when I needed a change, like data entry would be relaxing instead of answering the phones.
Bring snacks that you like without worrying about how nutritious it is!

 

[Progster]

It sounds like you're not really ready to go back to work, but be patient, the medication will kick in soon, it just needs a bit more time, in my case it was a couple of weeks when I started Sertraline. So you just need to 'survive' a week or so before you will start to feel better.

 

[Otenba]

I'm a bit surprised that they say they can't do any reasonable adjustments for you. If you're waiting for assessment, you can show them that you're on the waiting list. I'm still waiting and have adjustments like walls around my desk to help me cope in the open office environment they insist I sit in. The no calls stuff is also in place but that was before I became aware of possibly being autistic - stress triggers upset my other disability and can make me poorly.

The NHS wait is long where I am too and I don't think going off long term sick to wait it out is worth it (as you seem to understand). It has been a wait of at least 21 months so far for me and I'm apparently high priority which seems meaningless considering the time waited. I was originally told 18 months, ha!

Edit: Just to add, the people doing my assessment were happy to provide me with information to help my employer understand. If you haven't already, it might be worth getting in contact with NAS or a local support group in case they can offer you any advice pre-diagnosis.

I wish you all the best. A lot of my troubles are unresolved still atm so I can only help so much.

 

[Danno]

I'm a bit surprised that they say they can't do any reasonable adjustments for you. If you're waiting for assessment, you can show them that you're on the waiting list. I'm still waiting and have adjustments like walls around my desk to help me cope in the open office environment they insist I sit in. The no calls stuff is also in place but that was before I became aware of possibly being autistic - stress triggers upset my other disability and can make me poorly.

The NHS wait is long where I am too and I don't think going off long term sick to wait it out is worth it (as you seem to understand). It has been a wait of at least 21 months so far for me and I'm apparently high priority which seems meaningless considering the time waited. I was originally told 18 months, ha!

Edit: Just to add, the people doing my assessment were happy to provide me with information to help my employer understand. If you haven't already, it might be worth getting in contact with NAS or a local support group in case they can offer you any advice pre-diagnosis.

I wish you all the best. A lot of my troubles are unresolved still atm so I can only help so much.

Sure sucks being in limbo, doesn't it?

Other than verbal confirmation from my GP that she's made the referral, I've not heard anything else. Not even a letter to say they've received the referral and will send me an appointment at a later date.

Anyway I've spoken things through with my family today and they're fully supportive of me taking more time off work. Been in touch with my line manager at work and kept her updated. Sounds like they may have "alternatives" in terms of potentially getting me referred privately, but I know if that happens and at a later date (if I *do* get unwell enough to need ESA/PIP etc) I need an NHS diagnosis instead, thenn I'm gonna be back to square one.

So I'm just gonna take this next week to do some soul searching in terms of long term employment (career change etc) and coping mechanisms, and more self care, wait for the meds to kick in, and hope for the best I think.

 

[Gracey]

Can they make reasonable adjustments for the anxiety?

Also ‘step’ or stagger your return to work?

There’s got to be something Occ-Health can do.

Just because you haven’t been NHS assessed doesn’t mean you don’t experience the workplace in the same way as someone who has.

That seems unhelpful and a bit ridiculous.

 

[Ginseng]

What used to help me (a lot) when I would be panicking over something was that "most things we worry about never come to pass" and "I am having a fear of having fear at this point."

We can only really focus on one thing at a time. I know many would say, not true we can focus on many things, but the reality is, we are just going back and forth with our thoughts. Practice focusing on something you need to focus on at work. Practice it while you are at home.

Thinking about becoming fearful is not beneficial to you in any way. Try pouring yourself into something today and when you return to work, pour yourself into your job. Do your best and be conscience about your work. If you have spare time find something to keep you focused. Practice redirecting your thoughts. As autistics we can focus. We just need to make a mindful effort to focus on the right things.

Taking control of your thought life is important. You can do this. I do know it sounds impossible, but I am speaking from experience from history of a great deal of out of control anxiety and fears in general. If you feel completely lost search how to over come anxiety on youtube. There are numerous self help videos that give sound advice and they do work. You do not have to live your life this way.

 

[Autistamatic]

Having had experience of Occupational Health providers in the UK and their knowledge/approach to autism, within the last year, there is little they can do for Danno. They will make no recommendation without proof of diagnosis and if you do have proof they don't provide anything particularly useful. Out of date information which can do more harm than good.
The NAS are willing to do a workplace assessment for self diagnosed people, but prices start at £1400 for a single visit and report. They also try very hard to sell further services to the employer too.
Their website and helplines can be very useful though.
The best advice I can give any UK autistic in work is to know your rights, make yourself familiar with the Equality act and join a Union before any problems start.

 

[tducey]

Take things easy and slowly as you ease back to work. In my experience most of my employers have been understanding. Hope yours will be the same.

 

[Suzanne]

I feel your pain!

I am also from the uk, but live in France and felt pretty helpless with ever getting recognised and especially with the view that aspergers is not recognised in France, but here I am, typing this, as an offically diagnosed aspie!

So, what I am suggesting, is perhaps due to your anxiety, which causes an overwhelming feeling, take the first step for a diagnosis and see what happens.

It is better to be on the waiting list, than not!

I get anxious when ever my routine is halted; horrible feeling.