Fear and Outcomes

[AustinTheAspie]

Howdy guys, Austin here. Quick question: Does anyone else feel as if fear is holding you back from doing great things? I sure do. But here's the thing, I'm not really afraid of doing it per say, I'm really afraid of the outcome if things go sour. For example, let's say if I go up to a really attractive girl and started talking to her; I immediately play scenarios in my head of the worst possible situation, like being rejected and laughed at. I tend to overthink quite a bit, and have a degree of paranoia, mostly due to my past drug use, being bullied, and having head games played with me quite frequently from girls. Is there any tips and tricks you use to stop this? Any advice helps, thanks.

 

[Suzanne]

I have chronic social anxiety and there is a saying that is supposed to be encouraging to venture out of the comfort zone: it is never as bad as you think. Well, I must have missed the mark, because it is ALWAYS as bad as I think and that stops me from taking courage again.

Even NT men find it hard to approach a girl and ask her out. My husband related how when he was at a nightclub, he saw this girl, who really took his fancy and so, he asked if she would like a drink and she laughed in his face and said: not a chance ( I think it was worse). Now, my husband is a good looker ( shocked when he said he fancied me lol) and when he related that to me, I said: wow, she has bad taste then and we laughed.

How he "approached" me, was inviting me to his home. As an aspie, I was really niave and just went and whilst I had a drink of wine in my hand, he came out with: I have nothing to lose, because I am in my own home, but I must tell you, I fancy you like crazy!

We have been married for nearly 26 year's now.

So, if it is bad enough for NT men, it is going to be worse for aspie chaps.

Perhaps you should revaluate the kind of girl you are attracted to? Seek out other aspie girls.

From your picture, you are certainly not ugly ( but guys carry ugly better than females anyway). The only issue is the lack of smiling, but if that is your aspie trait, you want to approach girls who like sullen men lol

Anyway, I am an overthinker and get anxious for silly reasons.

 

[Judge]

Howdy guys, Austin here. Quick question: Does anyone else feel as if fear is holding you back from doing great things? I sure do. But here's the thing, I'm not really afraid of doing it per say, I'm really afraid of the outcome if things go sour. For example, let's say if I go up to a really attractive girl and started talking to her; I immediately play scenarios in my head of the worst possible situation, like being rejected and laughed at. I tend to overthink quite a bit, and have a degree of paranoia, mostly due to my past drug use, being bullied, and having head games played with me quite frequently from girls. Is there any tips and tricks you use to stop this? Any advice helps, thanks.

Perhaps because you are putting far too much social pressure on yourself at the outset, before you've even made contact with someone who interests you. You might consider lowering your expectations. Instead of thinking, "she is the one", why not bring it down a few notches to "she might make for a good friend".

Dating as a social ritual never worked for me. At the very outset it simply put too much pressure on me in too many ways. On the other hand, making friends on rare occasions blossomed into something much more fulfilling. Though there are never any social guarantees with such considerations. You can't assume all your friends can or want to become something more. But with a lot of patience, well...you never know.

In essence all my girlfriends were initially friends. I never "dated" any of them. And it's quite possible that from their point of view, their initial contact with me had no real pressure put upon them as well.