Family Therapist is ruining my life

[novart]

(this is cross-posted from another forum I frequent, I respect this forum and want to get it's opinion too)

Over the past year since my diagnosis at the age of 31 (not through him, but a previous guy my parents had me see) I've been able to make it a lot of strides in understanding myself. I had been struggling through disaster after disaster in life, likely traumatized by not knowing what was wrong with me and why all sounds seemed to echo through my body. It drove me nuts and I'm so grateful to finally understand it all.

Now however my parents have found this family therapist type who I have never met and now refuse to meet. It seems they like how much he has convinced them that this all my fault, i've been treated with more and more disrespect since he's signed on. I tried telling him that I don't blame my parents, but we have to accept the neglect that happened in the past in order to move. Lately the tactic has been to praise me, then immediately get away with something (eg: being loud around me). Isn't this what ABA training is? It's making me feel like an animal, and it has yet to work and when it doesn't there is an incredible amount of hostility toward me. I told him he's just playing on the same narcaccism that saw me suffer undiagnosed for three decades, that I can get over it so long as I'm unhindered and allowed to progress. He responded with this:



"Sure, [my name]. Smoking weed, sleeping all day, leaving the house for a couple of minutes, playing video games and watching television all on your parents dime? And they are narcissist? Everyone is. Bottom line...earn your way through life and stop blaming your parents and making excuses. Everyone has challenges. Everyone."

I smoked weed because that was the only thing, person or not, that ever actually helped me. I smoke about 1/4 less than I did at the beginning of my diagnosis. I don't play video games anymore. TV keeps me calm while I work (and now I'm aware why). I was physically abused (shoved against the back of an oven) at my last job, which was only minimum wage anyway.

I'm terrified of this guy. What can I do? This is his website: Home, but outside of it and a few sites that seem to be the exact same thing, I can't actually find any information on him or this service. I have a feeling this is going to lead to my end, it's hard to realize my last chances have been pinned on this guy. I was doing great relative to myself and my whole life - until he showed up. I wish I had an advocate, I feel like I'm drowning.

 

[puzzlingbill]

One of my personal rules is beware of people who want to fit everyone into their program -- and that's what I get by looking at his website.

I didn't figure out I have HFA until I was 65 -- 2 years ago. I've made more progress in those 2 years than in the previous 65. I've had experience with things that were supposed to work for everyone but didn't work for me. I'm sure there are plenty of other people on here who have had similar experiences.

Can you convince your parents that you want progress as much as they do? Because if so, that will make them more likely to listen to you when you say you need someone to help you rather than confront you. Hopefully you can convince them of the significance of finally having a handle on what's going on with you, because that can change everything.

 

[novart]

One of my personal rules is beware of people who want to fit everyone into their program -- and that's what I get by looking at his website.

I didn't figure out I have HFA until I was 65 -- 2 years ago. I've made more progress in those 2 years than in the previous 65. I've had experience with things that were supposed to work for everyone but didn't work for me. I'm sure there are plenty of other people on here who have had similar experiences.

Can you convince your parents that you want progress as much as they do? Because if so, that will make them more likely to listen to you when you say you need someone to help you rather than confront you. Hopefully you can convince them of the significance of finally having a handle on what's going on with you, because that can change everything.

It didn't seem to phase them when I mentioned the difficulty in realizing how i was treated for 30 years (and how I viewed myself) was a lie and that after analyzing those decades I've come to the conclusion that the new diagnosis is correct. If they can't see it, it's assumed to be a lie or excuse I assume. Any success is met with "ok, but now what? You haven't done anything worthwhile".

 

[Fino]

So you communicated with him through email? And that's his response copied and pasted? He comes off as indignant to me, like he's struggling or has struggled and wasn't helped and now doesn't want other people to get help either. Not at all like any sort of therapist. So weird.

 

[novart]

So you communicated with him through email? And that's his response copied and pasted? He comes off as indignant to me, like he's struggling or has struggled and wasn't helped and now doesn't want other people to get help either. Not at all like any sort of therapist. So weird.

Word-for-word albeit through text.

 

[novart]

Oh and I get 5-7 hours of sleep a day, sleeping all day? I can't remember the last time I had a full night's rest.

 

[Fino]

He sounds like a parent from the 50s OMG ITS SO TERRIBLE WHY

I hope other people are more helpful than I am... I'll come back to this, right now my only thought is how much I don't like him.

I wonder if it's ever happened in the history of the world in any dimension that someone was depressed and unmotivated and someone said to them, "Hey, everyone has challenges. Everyone."

And the person responded, "Everyone has challenges...hmm... you're RIGHT! Everyone DOES have challenges! I'm not the only one!" And then their life was fixed or even improved a little.

My response to that or anything similar about other people being miserable or more miserable is, "You're right, this world sucks. Now I wanna die even more. Thank you."

The weight of the world is such a pick-me-up! Like a shot of espresso! Yum! Nihilism!

You should totally send him most of what I typed here and pretend you wrote it.

 

[Gritches]

Yeah, I don't like this guy, at all. That's not something a therapist says to a client. What he said is absolutely not an attempt to help you, it is purely meant to cut you down instead of building you up.

My take on it is that he has some twisted system of logic that all makes sense to him and thus can't really be challenged. I've run into people like this before, and tried to correct their idiocy. The only way to deal with these people is to not talk to them.

This guy, in a position as a family therapist, can do a lot of harm. His stance is obviously to drive a wedge between you and your parents; to put you into camps. Your parents in the "good guys" camp and you in the "bad guy" camp. A good family therapist should be bringing a family together, not driving them apart.

In any case, he's threatening the progress that you've made on your own, the progress that you can only make on your own. If he worms his way in, you might be in some trouble. I'd do everything possible to get rid of him.

 

[Fino]

Maybe he thinks by showing you the "reality" of the situation, you'll be overcome with shame and then want nothing more to do everything they want you to do make it right.

Now your family therapist is ruining MY life!

I'm kidding, but I am sleeping thirteen minutes later than I would have if he wasn't alive.

 

[Gritches]

Yeah, I just went ahead and checked out his little website. Neither him nor his staff have any credentials whatsoever to be doing what they're doing. Plus, the guy looks like a gigantic douche.

But it does seem more like a "success" program than a "therapy" program. If your parents sought this out, they really did a crappy job picking a family therapist.

 

[Isadoorian]

Yeah, I just went ahead and checked out his little website. Neither him nor his staff have any credentials whatsoever to be doing what they're doing. Plus, the guy looks like a gigantic douche.

But it does seem more like a "success" program than a "therapy" program. If your parents sought this out, they really did a crappy job picking a family therapist.

Yeah, I was gonna say, if the guy has any sort of Diploma's/Degree's or Certificates to call the place they graduated and ask if they had any students with the guys name Graduate from there according to the year on the award. There's a good chance it's an illegitimate practice or something and its all a huge scam. Wouldn't be surprised if that's the case honestly.

 

[Annanda]

I guess there are lots of therapists out there, who know nothing about autism.
Be aware of this very fact and insist of working with someone who is an expert in the autism-spectrum. Sadly to say, that we have to be our own advocate most of the time, even if we just struggle to stay alive.

 

[Autistamatic]

I checked out the website too. The guy is a snake oil salesman and completely unfit to be dealing with an autistic person.
His business is geared towards "behavioural problems" i.e. lazy, criminal, or antisocial youths and his approach is a modernised variation of the "suck it up bucko!" approach of discipline and brainwashing, thinly veiled as "mentoring".
You do not have simple behavioural problems, you are autistic so this self-styled therapist is completely unsuitable. He will take your parents money and provide no benefit whatsoever. He's making promises he can't keep and when it fails it will not be his program that didn't work, it'll be you who's blamed for not playing the game.
You need counselling or therapy from someone fully trained in autism who can help you and your parents understand each other better and move forward in life. This guy will do the opposite.

 

[Crossbreed]

@novart , if you are in the USA, try these two organizations for referrals to autism-competent therapists,

• The Autism Society of America (local affiliates)
• US Autism & Asperger Association

 

[TheFreeCat]

Oh dear. This shows more about your parents than that man. Anyone who would fall for this man and take his advice has serious issues of their own. Are they being recruited by any cults lately?

Wow. I can't tell you what to do because they are desperate parents being taken for a ride. Maybe share your weed with them and enjoy each other's company for a little while before the curtain falls?

 

[puzzlingbill]

It's good to know everyone was freaked out by this "therapist", and it wasn't just me. You certainly don't need anyone yelling at you to stop being different. You ARE different. You need someone to help you deal with being different.

The other thought I had is getting some legal advice if possible, to help you fight off this clown. And see if you can find an autism support group that could explain to your parents what you really need.

Good luck.

 

[Theta.G]

Eek...
His interests are aligned with getting you working and being a tax payer, not your personal health. (May or may not be the case, this is just based on the one selected quote you posted here)

Checked out the site and looks more like a life coach not a professional therapist.

If weed helps you stick with that. Refuse to see him and hand pick your own therapist? Since your parents got to him first he already has a skewed perception of you. Confirmation biases. Doesn't seem professional enough to override or recognize his own biases.

 

[Ginseng]

This makes me angry just reading this post. I hate to see those in a position of authority being abusive bullies! I will check out the jerks web page now. If he gets the autie community mad at him he will begin to understand what it is like to have a fight on his hands. His little web page needs some correction.

 

[Ginseng]

Is there anyway you can move out of your parents house? Perhaps HUD? A roommate?

 

[TempeFan]

Over the past year since my diagnosis at the age of 31 (not through him, but a previous guy my parents had me see) I've been able to make it a lot of strides in understanding myself. I had been struggling through disaster after disaster in life, likely traumatized by not knowing what was wrong with me and why all sounds seemed to echo through my body. It drove me nuts and I'm so grateful to finally understand it all.

I'm terrified of this guy. What can I do? This is his website: Home, but outside of it and a few sites that seem to be the exact same thing, I can't actually find any information on him or this service. I have a feeling this is going to lead to my end, it's hard to realize my last chances have been pinned on this guy. I was doing great relative to myself and my whole life - until he showed up. I wish I had an advocate, I feel like I'm drowning.

What you can do is press the delete/ignore button on this internet scammer. What ever happened to the legitimate professional "previous guy my parents had me see"? Your parents neglected helping you with this for 30 years. Then they finally got off their bottoms to start parenting and found someone qualified to help who was doing a good job. One year is not enough to resolve issues 3 decades in the making. Your whole family needs to go back to him and do what works to address the diagnosis and make appropriate adjustments so you can have a future, instead of coping out playing the blame game with an idiot who doesn't know the first thing about your condition, your situation or family therapy in general.