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Family Thanksgiving gathering

Metalhead

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Well, my mother and stepfather really decided to hammer in the message that my refusal to go to family gatherings where my molester aunt and uncle are also invited equates to emotional blackmail and BS. So this Thanksgiving, I am going to a family gathering where my molester aunt and uncle will also be there. And I really am looking forward to them trying to stir up random drama because that is the kind of people they are, just so I can verbally rip them apart in front of everybody else.

I hate my family.
 
Isn’t it odd how we both have a stepfather?
I am sorry both your mother and him create drama.
 
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I don't know what to say. Isn't it at Festivus where we have the airing of grievances? Aren't you being blackmailed to attend?
 
Why even go? Do you NEED to?

Frankly I'd just stay home, and to heck with everyone else, if they're going to act like a bunch of agitated toddlers.
 
Misery said:
Why even go? Do you NEED to?

Frankly I'd just stay home, and to heck with everyone else, if they're going to act like a bunch of agitated toddlers.
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Maybe I will conveniently “catch the flu” that day, and stay home and avoid the family gathering instead.
 
Fino said:
Why not just not go? No reason given. Not show up. I'm confused.
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Mom knows where I live and where I work and she is not above harassing me, my doctors, my boss, my therapist and my friends if she does not get what she wants out of me.
 
KagamineLen said:
Mom knows where I live and where I work and she is not above harassing me, my doctors, my boss, my therapist and my friends if she does not get what she wants out of me.
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Maybe it's time to just tell her to shove off. If she's going to act like a snot... give it right back to her.

It's amazing, really. Bullies of all sorts often really cannot at all handle the very thing they dish out.


Or, you could go the more devious route: do go, but be AS ANNOYING AS FREAKING POSSIBLE the entire time, from the moment you get there to the moment you leave. Make it so they dont WANT you there.

Which sounds like what I'd probably do, simply because it'd be highly entertaining. And satisfying.
 
Misery said:
Maybe it's time to just tell her to shove off. If she's going to act like a snot... give it right back to her.

It's amazing, really. Bullies of all sorts often really cannot at all handle the very thing they dish out.


Or, you could go the more devious route: do go, but be AS ANNOYING AS FREAKING POSSIBLE the entire time, from the moment you get there to the moment you leave. Make it so they dont WANT you there.

Which sounds like what I'd probably do, simply because it'd be highly entertaining. And satisfying.
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That would be a horrible idea and that would be playing right into my mother’s hands. My mother has been gaslighting me my entire life and she has been lying about me to everybody around her by stating that I have a severe disconnect from reality for my entire life. One of the few times in her life she was ever honest with me was when she told me she resented that I was not a miscarriage like the doctors told her I would be. She gets off on acting all calm and then pointing at me when I have a visceral reaction to her lies and then she starts telling everybody I am crazy.
 
KagamineLen said:
That would be a horrible idea and that would be playing right into my mother’s hands. My mother has been gaslighting me my entire life and she has been lying about me to everybody around her by stating that I have a severe disconnect from reality for my entire life. One of the few times in her life she was ever honest with me was when she told me she resented that I was not a miscarriage like the doctors told her I would be. She gets off on acting all calm and then pointing at me when I have a visceral reaction to her lies and then she starts telling everybody I am crazy.
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I'll be totally honest here: This actually sounds like MORE of a reason to go and just get super annoying.

Go there, irritate, cause a freakout from her. Sure, she'll yap alot... but imagine what anyone watching will be thinking? Someone that fired up is going to start getting on everyone else's nerves. It'll eventually ruin everything for everyone there.

Who cares if she tells a bunch of jerks that you're crazy? You have no desire to interact with those dolts anyway. Maybe it'll get them to want to deal with you less. Sounds like win-win to me.

Bonus points if she gets so riled up that it makes HER look crazy. Based on what you've said, it doesnt sound like it's a very long or difficult process.


Or... better than any of this... simply say "no" and leave it at that, ignoring her the rest of the way.

One way or another this is like so many other problems in that until you bloody well stand up and DO something about it, it's not going to go away. I doubt you want this problem to just keep repeating... yeah?

You've got options, but it's up to you to actually DO any of them. However, if you dont do any of them... well, she'll win, now wont she? She'll win now, and she'll win later, the cycle just repeates. EVERYTHING you've said makes it sound like she's pretty much a schoolyard bully, and the act of caving in to a bully's demands IN ANY WAY is exactly how they get an edge on you. If you want that, then by all means, dont fight back.

You can either take a stand in some form, or you can lose to her. Up to you.
 
Not sure why you are going at all. I'm guessing it's because you feel lonely? But despite that going back to abusive family for any reason is a mistake I think. You won't win and you will never get what you need from them. How often do you have to prove that to yourself? How about volunteering on thanksgiving?
 
Thinx said:
Not sure why you are going at all. I'm guessing it's because you feel lonely? But despite that going back to abusive family for any reason is a mistake I think. You won't win and you will never get what you need from them. How often do you have to prove that to yourself? How about volunteering on thanksgiving?
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Hell, I think I will volunteer on Thanksgiving instead. I think I will sign up to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless.
 
KagamineLen said:
Mom knows where I live and where I work and she is not above harassing me, my doctors, my boss, my therapist and my friends if she does not get what she wants out of me.
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Tell your employer, doctors, etc that she is harassing you and that they are to give her no information about you and no access to you.

"If mom shows up, tell her to leave and if she won't leave, call security".

Don't just cut ties, build an impenetrable vault between you and them.

And for the love of God, don't go to Thanksgiving.
 
Misery said:
Maybe it's time to just tell her to shove off. If she's going to act like a snot... give it right back to her.

It's amazing, really. Bullies of all sorts often really cannot at all handle the very thing they dish out.


Or, you could go the more devious route: do go, but be AS ANNOYING AS FREAKING POSSIBLE the entire time, from the moment you get there to the moment you leave. Make it so they dont WANT you there.

Which sounds like what I'd probably do, simply because it'd be highly entertaining. And satisfying.
Click to expand...

That would work...lol march around the house banging two pots together the entire time and singing happy birthday as badly as possible.
 
KagamineLen said:
That would be a horrible idea and that would be playing right into my mother’s hands. My mother has been gaslighting me my entire life and she has been lying about me to everybody around her by stating that I have a severe disconnect from reality for my entire life. One of the few times in her life she was ever honest with me was when she told me she resented that I was not a miscarriage like the doctors told her I would be. She gets off on acting all calm and then pointing at me when I have a visceral reaction to her lies and then she starts telling everybody I am crazy.
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Seriously DO NOT GIVE HER ACCESS TO YOU. Build that wall, 10 feet thick, and enforce it by all means necessary.
 
KagamineLen said:
Well, my mother and stepfather really decided to hammer in the message that my refusal to go to family gatherings where my molester aunt and uncle are also invited equates to emotional blackmail and BS. So this Thanksgiving, I am going to a family gathering where my molester aunt and uncle will also be there. And I really am looking forward to them trying to stir up random drama because that is the kind of people they are, just so I can verbally rip them apart in front of everybody else.

I hate my family.
Click to expand...

Would they just be embrassed and infuritated if you acted cool, aloof, and unruffled by anything?!

Imagine yourself in a smoking jacket, pipe in hand blowing smoke rings, your glance toward the drama unfolding, looking down your nose ever so slightly, your moustache twitching with humor and irony as you simply refuse to acknowledge anything but your dry Redbull....
 
KagamineLen said:
That would be a horrible idea and that would be playing right into my mother’s hands. My mother has been gaslighting me my entire life and she has been lying about me to everybody around her by stating that I have a severe disconnect from reality for my entire life. One of the few times in her life she was ever honest with me was when she told me she resented that I was not a miscarriage like the doctors told her I would be. She gets off on acting all calm and then pointing at me when I have a visceral reaction to her lies and then she starts telling everybody I am crazy.
Click to expand...

See above!
 
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