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Extreme Jealousy

K

Katynks

Member
Hello all,
I am hoping someone can give me a few tips on helping my niece, she has been diagnosed with Asperger's. She is really awesome and is such a good person but she seems to be very jealous. Amanda is 16 and has not liked my other niece, her cousin, since the day she was born. My son is 8 months and she just loves him to pieces, so it's not just babies in general. When the family gets together, which is pretty often she has shoved, hit and yelled at my 19 month old niece for just walking near her. If the 19 month old cries, Amanda freaks out and gets mad and says really mean things and sometimes she will run up and just hug me or others for 15 minutes after, calming herself. I think it is jealousy because she brings up multiple times in the past when other children have been jealous, and asks why they were jealous and how long it lasts, and brings up when her Mom had held the baby, but only when the 19 month old is around she says these things. I asked her if she was jealous and she said she didn't know and wasn't sure. I believe she may have problems processing envy. I was wondering if anyone has had a child do the same thing or if someone here has similar feelings and something that helped them relax or get over the feelings. I tried to get her to close her eyes, relax and meditate, without success. Thank You!!!
 
You know I can't think of any autistic trait or tendency to account for that behavior. At least I haven't heard of jealousy/envy being mentioned often, except in the sense of wishing to not be autistic and wanting to be like everyone (NT) else.

It certainly isn't a normal or healthy behavior however and its good to address it now. It may an emotional problem that the Aspergers is making more complicated. She does seem to be honest about it and trying some coping mechanisms which is good. Besides envy, could she have developed an aversion to the other niece? That is an unnatural dislike to her, and therefore anything she does annoys her. But I don't know where or what aversion comes from psychologically.
 
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Yes she is very honest and blunt, which is a good quality in my eyes. She got a weird look on her face when I asked if she was jealous, like a confused look and she couldn't discern. She is one of the most popular girls at school, everyone loves her. She was very close to my sister and seemed to get very upset when she became pregnant. She was seeing a therapist for many years but she hasn't in the last 3 years since moving states. I think she would benefit from it, but my brother (her Father) thinks she is fine. Is there anything to do about aversions? I have read about sometimes being possessive over certain objects, could it be she is possibly possessive over my sister?
 
I sort of lean where Tom is going. That this may involve something else psychologically, rather than tying jealousy, envy or possessiveness to Autism Spectrum Disorder. Frankly these are subjects that don't get much discussion here. In my own case, jealousy and envy are traits I tend to lack. And yes, that has gotten me into trouble on rare occasion.

I can't pin down why, only to say that I suspect it involves something else between your niece and the 19-month baby. In other words, don't restrict your concerns solely around ASD. Just a gut feeling on my part. Maybe someone else can weigh in with more insight. There's a lot of bright people here...
 
I can not imagine what would cause that. I was the victim of a child who was older than me and jealous (hated) of me. Rather than go into details, I'll say please take care to watch over the little girl at all times. Agree that a therapist would be helpful.
 
I think I missed the jealously gene too, both when I had a younger sister and when other women flirt with my husband. Although I am inclined to deck them one when they can't take a hint. :p

I have heard of some Aspies being very possessive, like not understanding when their best friend sometimes plays with another friend. But I have no clue how to handle that nor how to handle jealously. All the kids and teenagers I've ever heard of (from a long, long distance away) being a little too outwardly jealous were simply punished in some way. Scolded, sent to their room, force them to endure the situation without acting out, etc., until they learned to hide it or get over it. There are those little kid shows that address jealousy by talking them to death and guilt tripping and publicly shaming them, but that seems a little harsh.
 
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