Expecting too much ?

[Gracey]

In about six hours time, I’m supposed to be at a family soirée to help celebrate Mother’s Day by honouring a ‘mother’ I’m not related to, has just lost her husband, and in an environment and with (some) people I (honestly) can’t stand.

It would mean a lot to Mr Gracey if I went with him.

I’m currently physically ill, so all of my ‘reserves’ are trying to manage fatigue and some discomfort.

Which means there’s little or nothing left for things like filters, gracious scripts, smiling, ignoring snipes, and generally acting the part.

It’s easier (for me) if I don’t go.
I envisage nothing but arguements should my facade slip.
I’m worried I don’t have what it takes to maintain it throughout.

May result in friction if I do go,
May result in bad feeling toward, if I don’t go.

But like I say, it means a lot to someone if I make the effort.

Edited to add,

I’ve already had this conversation in my head and so had already asked the question,
But forgot to write it here.

How do I cope with this gathering ?

 

[Progster]

Don't go. You're ill, your partner should understand if you feel you can't cope with it. If you do decide to go, discuss with your partner that you need leave early.

 

[Suzanne]

I cannot stand my husband's relatives and probably due to my own issues, I am no longer able to stomach beng around false people and now my husband has "come to terms" with this situation and when family members condescend to get in touch with him, I stay far away, so as to not cause any distention.

I am afraid it is about taking care of our own welbeing, which is not easy to do, but since you are not well, I am pretty sure your husband will be on your side.

 

[Bolletje]

You're ill, which is a valid excuse to stay home.

 

[Gracey]

I guess trying to do the right thing by others isn’t always the right thing for me.

Thanks

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

How do I cope with this gathering ?

Ok. You've decided to go.

Strategise with Mr Gracey - is there a spare bed to lie down over there?

Play up - he can also join in - how tired you are.

Are you able to discuss an exit strategy with Mr Gracyey?

Will drink be involved? (anathema to all exit strategies)

How far is it from your own house?

is there a way for you to leave early?
ie Really ill, went there to support but have to go home - if Mr Gracey joins in with this, it can work.

Then you've gone - supporting him - but also left.

 

[Gracey]

Thanks @Fridgemagnetman.

Best abstaining from drink I think,
The equivalent of throwing petrol on a bonfire in terms of reduced inhibition.
(On top of everything else )


Too far to nip off home but could probably work something out to leave early.

Everyone happy then.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Best abstaining from drink I think,
The equivalent of throwing petrol on a bonfire in terms of reduced inhibition.

Didn't mean you....

Good luck

 

[Pats]

Good morning, Gracey, and I think you're very thoughtful - being willing to put yourself through discomfort for your husband.
Is there a role you can plan to take? Like cleaning up dishes and cups left around, or anything else that can keep you busy.
Make a plan - if you have an idea of some things that might irritate you, know ahead of time what kind of response to have.
Use the not feeling well for whatever you need - if you're starting to feel trapped, you need some air so you need to step outside.
Just pre-plan some ways to escape and be able to recollect.
If there is 1 person you feel most comfortable with, stick closer to that person. If there will be kids, bring an activity and plan to teach them that activity.
Or do what I often find myself doing - just hide out somewhere.

 

[Mia]

Walking into the den of in-laws?
Would be kind to my mother in law, as it's a mother's day celebration: an enjoyable typically social activity, oh yay.
Then I'd play with the children and if they have pets socialize with them.
Have spent several mother's days repairing things in her house, or grooming cats and dogs. Even if they belonged to the neighbors.

 

[Aspychata]

Ok. You've decided to go.

Is there a exit sign? Is a natural disaster in the forecast, a required attendance at some employment, obscure club you belong to? Can your car have engine failure? Being on the spectrum, l have a PhD in the correct excuse to get out of nearly anything, including my wedding which was delayed by a hour, because we all just hung out even with the pastor there at the beach, Hawaii beach wedding.

Strategise with Mr Gracey - is there a spare bed to lie down over there?

Play up - he can also join in - how tired you are.

Are you able to discuss an exit strategy with Mr Gracyey?

Will drink be involved? (anathema to all exit strategies)

How far is it from your own house?

is there a way for you to leave early?
ie Really ill, went there to support but have to go home - if Mr Gracey joins in with this, it can work.

Then you've gone - supporting him - but also left.

 

[tlc]

Well you're probably already there, or didn't go. But you're ill, you're not going to be wonderful for people to be around anyway. And if you're contagious, I think it would be considerate to everyone there if you stayed home.

 

[BraidedPony]

Oh man, I feel bad just thinking about you being there! Lol
You will feel so good when you get back home, and probably will sleep for a couple of days.
As a show of gratitude, hubs should bring you meals in bed and let you watch all your favorite t.v. shows.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Hope you feel better and survive the visit if you go. But agree that if you're ill you'd be doing others a favor by staying home if you are contagious. But guess you aren't as I suspect you'd have used that if so. Good luck and get better soon.

 

[Aspychata]

My post ended up in someone's else post, oops.

Is there a exit sign? Is there a natural disaster in the forecast, a required attendance at employment, obscure club meeting you belong to? Can your car have engine failure? Being on the spectrum, l have a PhD in the correct excuses to get out of nearly anything.

 

[Gracey]

Thank you.
You’re all wonderful


That artful ‘exit strategy’ works a treat.
Thoroughly recommend it.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Thank you.
You’re all wonderful


That artful ‘exit strategy’ works a treat.
Thoroughly recommend it.

glad it worked

Something else I hadn't heard of - used in america mostly.

It's called the Irish goodbye.

At a party or event, you just leave without telling anybody.

AES seems to be the way to go.