Executive Dysfunction Coping Methods

[VernalSole1355]

So, I recently found out, shoutout to @SDRSpark, that the issue I may be having with my school situation is related to Executive Dysfunction. It makes perfect sense for my situation. Yes, while it's not an official diagnoses, I know what I struggle with, and I know what the executive function is supposed to do.

So, fellow Aspies. How do you guys cope with Executive Dysfunction?

 

[SDRSpark]

For me one of the biggest things needed to get things done is to reduce stress as much as possible. This means setting boundaries (with myself and others) so that I don't take on too much stuff.

Have you heard of Spoon Theory? Basically, you only have so many energy units (spoons) to use each day, and each task costs a certain amount. So you have to budget your spoons in order to get everything done. (Some tasks that you find restful or enjoyable can give you more energy/spoons, which is why taking away things that you enjoy if you're not getting things done may actually be counter productive.)

Things I've learned: if I let someone extract a promise from me to do something, there's a good chance it won't get done. Then I'll have let someone down AND I'll feel bad, myself. Now I only agree to things that I know I will actually do. Which means I don't agree to much, but if I do, it will definitely get done.

"No" is a complete sentence and "I have a prior commitment" is a polite way of saying "no" (keep this one under your hat for when you have a job and need to decline overtime etc). No one needs to know what your prior commitment is - and YOU are a valid prior commitment. It's the night you promised yourself some downtime and a Netflix binge? Cool, that's a prior commitment.

Break up stressful big tasks into manageable smaller tasks. For instance, I'm buying a house right now, which is a HUGE, stressful task. MONTHS ago I rented a storage locker and started moving stuff into it on weekends. Before I even had an offer accepted I had half of my belongings out of my apartment. Now I have a settlement date looming and the stuff that needs to be done LOOKS overwhelming as a whole, but can be broken down into smaller tasks. I have budgeted my spoons for one or two tasks per day - for example I find phone calls to be really stressful so I only make one or two of the required calls to utility companies per day. And I started early, so I'll have plenty of time to do it at that rate. Things I have left to pack are not so much - I can pack one or two categories of things per day, and finish in plenty of time.

It's overwhelming tasks that make my brain go BLURP! Smaller, manageable tasks can be accomplished. (That is, if I keep my stress levels down - once I've used up all my spoons even drinking water is a difficult task, as I mentioned in your other thread).

It's really just a lot of learning your limitations, what makes your brain check out for the day, and how to strategize and work with those limitations to the best of your ability.

 

[Aspychata]

Caffeine can up your spoon count, just saying.....

 

[Thinx]

I talked about this on @Crankenstein's thread, it's something I have gradually found strategies for, over time, and also refined my strategies. Mostly these come down to planning ahead, for me, and lists. I use a paper diary, which ends up looking a creative mess, but if a page gets too full I stick a post it over it and continue.

I break down tasks into chunks, and allocate time to tasks. I do sometimes unfortunately completely forget a task, but not usually for so long that it's a problem. On the whole, I list tasks or have them in my diary. I also use my email as a store and can find relevant emails by date or sender.

I redo the lists daily at times, or whenever I need to update them. It helps me focus, and be realistic about how much time I have and prioritise how to use it.

Executive function issues also relate to getting around, I find it hard to leave home with everything I need, so yes, I make lists and often pack my bag ahead of time. I plan journeys, like, tomorrow I get my second covid jab, so I have planned my route and timings. It's the same venue as the first hurrah, as finding my way around new venues is often a magical mystery tour.

But the guys organising that venue seem awesomely good at anticipating confusion, there was a person pointing the way at every junction of corridors. I also can't anticipate easily what I am supposed to do , so I waited for directions there, which were given, but often in a strange building there's no one and I get stuck or lost. I don't mind it, it's quite funny sometimes. But it can be time consuming. I mostly just work to keep calm and lighthearted, as I roam the corridors etc. I'll know for next time...

This is also why I enjoy walking with people who know their way already. That's my best strategy for finding my way.

 

[VernalSole1355]

@Thinx Do you have problems with, like, losing pencils and other small objects easily?

 

[Thinx]

Well, I would say I tend to misplace pens etc, and my strategies are to have a lot of pens, in each place that I use them, and also to have specific places where an item always gets replaced to. That last one bombs if it's not in place though, as seems like IT COULD BE ANYWHERE!

However, then I trace my movements with the item at the last point I recall using it. Like yesterday, no scissors in the drawer. And just as I was saying, I used them outside but I definitely brought them in, I spotted them on the table, outside.

Incomplete tasks are a similar issue, I leave the task to do part of another task, later I see I have left something on the side, or out of the fridge etc. This usually happens when there is some mad idea on my or someone else's part that I could do 2 or 3 things at once. Multi tasking... No, I really can't. This generally can be prevented by allowing more time for the tasks, and doing them 1 by 1, completing each fully before starting the next.

 

[GadAbout]

I'm having big troubles with this lately. Trying to make some big changes in my life, and scared about it. It is helpful to me to start doing my research a bit at a time so when my mind is ready to choose, there is enough data to make that decision.

The other tip is to ask people around me if I could skip handling something that is just going to seem like the last straw (that broke the camel's back). Example: we needed to buy an automated pet feeder per our veterinarian; I just wanted one that dished out premeasured amounts of food at intervals. My husband started telling me that you can get radio-wave tags for the pets collar so one cat gets one amount, dispensed when it is near the feeder; and the other cat gets a different amount when its tag is sensed. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be!" I complained - and bought the feeder with no individualization.

 

[All-Rounder]

I'm having big troubles with this lately. Trying to make some big changes in my life, and scared about it. It is helpful to me to start doing my research a bit at a time so when my mind is ready to choose, there is enough data to make that decision.

The other tip is to ask people around me if I could skip handling something that is just going to seem like the last straw (that broke the camel's back). Example: we needed to buy an automated pet feeder per our veterinarian; I just wanted one that dished out premeasured amounts of food at intervals. My husband started telling me that you can get radio-wave tags for the pets collar so one cat gets one amount, dispensed when it is near the feeder; and the other cat gets a different amount when its tag is sensed. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be!" I complained - and bought the feeder with no individualization.

Lol.
But what would happen if both cats were together at the feeder? wouldnt they be able to eat together, maybe they can figure that strategy out and team up for more food.

 

[SDRSpark]

I misplace stuff all the time. I have specific spots where I know things are supposed to be (keys go in the bowl on my desk for instance)...and if it's something I use frequently I have it stashed in multiple places around my space (I have 4 lip balms in various places around my apartment).

When I really misplace something, though, it's usually a result of autopilot. For example, the washers and dryers in my complex are operated with a prepaid card. I always come back from the laundry room and put the prepaid card in its spot in the closet...one day, however, I went to the laundry room to check something and didn't take the card with me. So I came back and (on autopilot) put what was in my hand in the proper spot for the card (in the closet). It happened to be my keys. 5 minutes before I have to leave for work, I'm frantically looking for my keys, only to find that they're in the closet with my laundry card and I had no idea why they were in there.

My only saving grace is that I know myself well enough to know that if something goes missing, something like this might have happened so I can (usually) find things pretty quickly.

What's interesting is that my surroundings are almost always absolute chaos (if they're NOT chaos, it's because I've cleaned stuff up recently but it will soon return to chaos). But I know where everything is. The worst thing I can do is put things "away" - I tend to leave everything in the spot where I use it the most...which means that my home is in total disarray, but I can tell you "Oh, that thing? Third pile from the left, two rows down, under the yellow sweater." If I were to organize this mess in a typical fashion I likely wouldn't be able to find anything. Occasionally I'll feel the need to make sure I don't lose something, so I will put it "someplace special" so that I "won't lose it". When this happens I am almost guaranteed never to see it again.

As a child I was constantly being punished for this tendency towards entropy however that clearly had no effect whatsoever (other than to make me angry) because as an adult, not much has changed. My mother was the same way, everything appeared to be in complete disarray but she knew exactly where everything was at all times.

 

[Aspychata]

Think it's best to get rid of stuff. I lived with a hoarder for 18 years. This meant l couldn't invite anybody over because they would wonder why, just why. I am now downsizing and l love getting rid of things.But my ex gaslighted me and my things, so things trigger and l think back how horrible that he didn't leave my things alone, because they are my things not his. Maybe that's why l like living alone because he was such a jerk.

 

[watersprite]

I could write a lot about this subject. But it would be repeating what the above posts have said.

It’s good to know I’m not the only one who does things like: put a special item somewhere extra special and then a few weeks later absolutely have no idea what happened to it. So that is where (lol) one of my rules came from; only put items in clearly predictable locations. Get yourself a safety deposit box at the bank for papers that mustn’t be lost, passport, deeds, birth certificate etc.

Another helpful habit is to have 2 copies of physically important things like keys and the like. Of course not everything is duplicate-able.....

And the most importnat rule for me is to make lists. Actual paper and pen works better than my phone or computer for some reason.

 

[Fino]

My phone tells me what to do.

 

[Aspychata]

My phone tells me what to do.

I put things in my phone calendar and my phone removes them. And it's always the most important dates it removes. My phone needs Prozac.

 

[Progster]

I struggle with household chores. I also live with a hoarder, so it can also be physically difficult to keep things tidy because the house if full of stuff and not one surface area is left free without stuff being on it. This means that cleaning and tidying is more work, harder to motivate myself to start tidying or cleaning. And the other person has just about zero interest or motivation to start cleaning/tidying.

Also, by the time I have worked, cooked, thrown out the rubbish and recycling, fed the animals, watered plants/garden and everything else that needs to be done on a daily basis, I either have no time or no motivation to do anything else. So there are certain tasks that really should be done that get left and never done.

The only way to cope with it is simply not do it - just let things get dusty, but make sure that the kitchen and bathrooms are clean for reasons of hygiene. Or start to do it, one surface or part of the room at a time, eventually the whole room will get done. Though by the time I finish the room, it will be time to start all over again.

Another solution is to hire someone to come in once a fortnight or so to help with certain tasks - wiping down surface areas, cleaning the windows, sweeping up dead leaves from the garden, that kind of thing. That's if you can afford it and if you don't mind someone being in your house.

 

[GadAbout]

Lol.
But what would happen if both cats were together at the feeder? wouldnt they be able to eat together, maybe they can figure that strategy out and team up for more food.

It's a moot point, because I didn't get that one. And yes, they both go to the feeder at the same time, and eat side by side. So how would it help anything to have these tags? (It wouldn't)

Another way I defer unnecessary issues is sometimes my housekeeper will tell me I have dirt under some furniture so she needs to clean there. I say "well it bothers you, but it doesn't bother me." Or, she'll ask me what I want done with a stack of papers, and I say "I don't feel like making a decision right now, so put it anywhere you want." I'm sure this makes me difficult to deal with! On the other hand I pay her pretty well so I don't think she's going to argue.

 

[Amy Stone]

@SDRSpark I have never heard of the "spoon theory" but I understand it !!! I can completely relate. I have so much HP (spoons) each day and when I'm out, I'm out. I think I may have to use that going forward "I'm sorry I can't go out tonight, I'm out of spoons!"

 

[GadAbout]

I put things in my phone calendar and my phone removes them. And it's always the most important dates it removes. My phone needs Prozac.

I use my smartphone for my contacts list, messages, mail, and of course phone calls. But I would never trust it with my calendar! That is strictly old school, pen and paper, handwritten.

 

[Aspychata]

My ex actually took my handwritten calender and put another one in it's place. Omg, l didn't know l was going to play 12 year-old games.

 

[Aspychata]

@SDRSpark I have never heard of the "spoon theory" but I understand it !!! I can completely relate. I have so much HP (spoons) each day and when I'm out, I'm out. I think I may have to use that going forward "I'm sorry I can't go out tonight, I'm out of spoons!"

I have long-term spoons too, l was going to see my mom next month but May and things going on in June have created stress for me so l decided l am not seeing her, so that visiting spoon in three more weeks completely vanished. And l feel relieved. Think l should just concentrate on the most important stuff, and just relax for the month of June. Sometimes seeing my mom is stressful.

 

[All-Rounder]

@SDRSpark I have never heard of the "spoon theory" but I understand it !!! I can completely relate. I have so much HP (spoons) each day and when I'm out, I'm out. I think I may have to use that going forward "I'm sorry I can't go out tonight, I'm out of spoons!"

Gets really bad when my spoons are gone and someone keeps bothering me, i get really low moods sometimes cry or feelings of being on the edge and feels like suffering and not being able to talk to them about it, when it gets really bad i snap and yell "not now!". Mom has the habit on pressing really bad and becomming verbally abusive when i dont reply.