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Featured Excess maturity instead of excess immaturity

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Lundi, Nov 30, 2019 at 2:37 PM.

  1. Lundi

    Lundi Well-Known Member

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    If I understand correctly, a stereotypical symptom of Asperger's is seeming or looking younger than one's actual age. But I have the opposite problem, and have not seen it discussed explicitly.

    I turned 30 last month, but before that in most of my 20s most people whom I met thought that I was at least ten years older than my real age. Not only with my looks, but my demeanour as well. When socialising, I could not relate to anyone 30 or younger at all. But up to now, I gravitate towards talking to people who are at least 45. Once at age 27, I went out with a woman who told me that she was almost 50, and assumed that I was around her age.

    As some here know from my pictures, I already have a bit of white hair. I also have a blank expression, other than the rare times where I try to force myself to smile in selfies. I also am a very serious person, and almost never make jokes or humour (nor understand them). Basically, straight and to the point, like a robot.

    Most people who guess my age think that I was born in the 1960s or 1970s, i.e that I am at least 40. I was born in 1989.

    Is excess maturity also another trait, similar to excess immaturity?
     
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  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think there is a difference between appearance and actuality when you are talking about maturity. A person can act or look older or younger but that doesn't mean they are.
     
  3. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    Might be a 'serious demeanour' thing. I lack serious demeanour and am presumed to be young or childlike because of it.
     
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  4. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I've honestly always wondered at this one.

    I have that "looks young" thing to the point of it being almost ridiculous.

    Recently, some guy came to the door, right? Rang the bell, and as I was the only one home, I answered it. I normally refuse to, but I'm pretty sure I was blasted on caffeine that day.

    Open the door, and the guy says "Hello! Are your parents at home today?"

    That's not how it's supposed to go. Anyone else answering the door, the question would have been "Are you the homeowner?". My YOUNGER brother would have gotten the homeowner version of that question. But not me. "Are your parents home".

    Not an isolated incident either. Has happened before. In addition, everyone.... EVERYONE... refers to me as a "kid". Including family.

    I'm freaking 38.

    Dont get me wrong... I dont take offense to this. I know full well what I look like. Same reason why I dont take offense to people mistaking my gender. I know how I look and I know why people say things like this. Heck, if I look at old photos of myself.... my appearance hasnt changed a bit.

    But... why? How can that be? That's not normal. Yet, it seems to be quite common for those on the spectrum, or so I've heard. I'd be interested to learn just how this bizarre phenomenon works. It doesnt surprise me to learn that someone can have the opposite version of this effect, looking much older. Doesnt surprise me one bit.

    The funky youth thing is useful for my cosplay hobby though. Most people at my age wouldnt dream of doing it, even if they'd been into it previously, because their age shows. But me... nobody will have the foggiest clue unless I tell them. Though it can get annoying, going into certain events. Have to prove I'm over 18. Means carrying my ID when I shouldnt need to and risk dropping it somewhere since I'm spacey.
     
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Think of the psychological term developmental disorder(which incidentally i still have no lightbulb moment for) ,think of downs syndrome ,it also might depend on what you experienced as a child ,my mother said at 18 months I changed to being very nervous and that effected my facial features ,I also have the headshape that is a symptom of another syndrome, Aspergers does endow you with a serious expression .
     
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  6. Lundi

    Lundi Well-Known Member

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    It is interesting to hear that many here seem to have people think that they are younger than they are. My commonest nickname is "Grandpa" because I guess people think that I am like some old curmudgeon who sits in his rocking chair by himself all day. Except people started calling me "Grandpa" when I was around 18-19.

    In contrast I meet a lot of people who act much younger than their age, but those people are neurotypicals. I think that those neurotypical people in particular are just immature and stupid, because a 50 year old in a suit trying to talk like a 13 year old just looks ridiculous.

    I remember when I was a boy, I was scolded often for acting too serious. For not laughing, not making jokes, for not smiling, for being uptight, for being strict, for being stern, etc. And when he was alive, my grandfather (the one who was virgin until almost 50) often did sit in a rocking chair and very rarely smiled. When he saw children playing he would say things like, "God-damn children playing, bloody idiots". I guess people say that I inherited this type of strict demeanour.

    When I was in my mid-20s, I stopped eating enough and I lost weight, plus the stress and depression made my face look messed up with eyebags and stuff. I am not sure if this made me look older.
     
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  7. Bronzelincolns

    Bronzelincolns Well-Known Member

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    are you talking about maturing or aging?
     
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  8. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I get the opposite reaction from people. I am 53, yet most would say I look younger. Maybe it is also partly because I look shyer, and have less social skills, so they assume I am younger. The fact I do not smoke, never smiled much unless when forced, hid myself inside away from the sun much of my life, all of those would create less facial wrinkles, too, as would any genetics leaning towards a more youthful look. Both of our Autistic sons look younger much younger than their ages too. Our ten year old looks like he is age seven about, and our seven year old looks about age two.

    Lots with Aspergers can have more formal speech, so that may make them look older. I always appeared less than my age, and as I am shorter in height, too, except in terms of intelligence where I feel about my age. For guys, looking younger it is not necessarily a positive. People may assume younger looks for guys mean weakness, a lack of confidence, one being young and liking youthful things, or naïveté. Those guys who look older may be assumed as more respected, more knowledgeable, and more successful. For women, it can be the reverse, as youth often is equated as having more beauty, or as being more healthy. Just my opinions though.
     
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  9. Lundi

    Lundi Well-Known Member

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    I mean not looking one's age due to certain characteristics, be they character or physical.

    As in, I can pass for age 45 or even 50 despite just having turned 30.
     
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  10. Bronzelincolns

    Bronzelincolns Well-Known Member

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    looks would have to do with aging.

    so people think you act like a 50 year old?
     
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  11. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    Elderly wolf at twenty eight years.
     
  12. Lundi

    Lundi Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes, yes. Although they say my looks are like someone who is mid- to late-40s, maybe early 50s, but my personality is similar to someone 50+. I have been told a few times that I act like a guy in his 70s or 80s.

    Like someone who is 45 might greet people using, "Hey all, wazzzzup?!". Yet I would say, "Good afternoon, Sir" or "Good evening, Madam".
     
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  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I’ve always looked younger and sounder older than my actual age. It confuses the hell out of people.
     
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  14. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Skin tones often seem younger/softer with Asperger's or Austim

    But I think what is being said, is maturity in general (aside from stupid public meltdowns)

    Over my life I have found that I relate better to people older than me, even much older than me... While having trouble relating to people my own age... Now at 47 this is less relevant, but when I was in my 20's this was very much the case... I think in many ways I wasn't very "youthful" when I was in my 20's, compared to other peers of mine...
     
  15. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    Could it have anything to do with the way you dress?
     
  16. Lundi

    Lundi Well-Known Member

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    Perhaps. I do not think that my overall dress is that odd-looking, except my glasses which are aviators. The style is basically a replica of the late 1960s and 1970s that people used to wear. Kind of like Ray Manzarek's glasses. Before that I used to wear circular John Lennon glasses.

    When I was younger I used to wear plad shirts with repeating square patterns and buttons kind of like how the 1970s soft rock groups did. But when socialising now I wear a raincoat and khakis.
     
  17. Rasputin

    Rasputin Active Member

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    I was not aware of this stereotype, but it applies to me. Most people at work assume I am 20 years younger than I am, both because of my looks and the way I act. Also I have several ancestors who lived well beyond the age of 100. So maybe there is something to this stereotype.
     
  18. Fade2black

    Fade2black Active Member

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    My take on this is that our social difficulties make it easier to have fun with kids and adults who're much younger where we stack up more equally, socially. The older people are easier to be around because they are more mature and less likely to ostracize.
     
  19. SteveNomad

    SteveNomad Active Member

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    ...When. I was young I rather had the Dick Clark/Cliff Richard thing going of looking younger than I was. I remember being at a club on my 26th birthday and having (the drinking age was 18 then) to show my age to get a drink - the club let in people as young as 16, I think.
    I have a big grown-out beard now with grey in the temples. I once read a claim that having a beard for a long time masked your face look.strange if you shave it off because the foilage on your face makes your skin droop.