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"Everyone is like that"

Dr. Smart

Dr. Smart

Well-Known Member
Does anyone ever get that response when you are trying to describe certain aspects of asd to them?

I usually speak for myself when discussing asd since a lot of symptoms don't show up in all of us or to the same extents, so of course I don't make blanket statements, it really annoys me then when I say something about autism and it is dismissed as something everyone has.
its like saying your diagnosed with anxiety and someone says everyone gets anxious, I don't think we should have to clarify the "more often then nuerotypicals" after every sentence but it's mostly a social disability for me there's a difference between "sometimes I feel awkward" and "a symptom of my disability is that I often come across as awkward"

One of the weirder ones when I tried to explain it to a lady and she decided cats must have aspergers... All cats... Because they aren't as social as dogs. T_T

idk maybe I'm just looking for snowflake points and don't want my specialness dismissed but I wonder if anybody else on the spectrum gets this and how you feel about it.

Note its annoying but I don't get angry with the person who says it, I just point out that some disabilities have symptoms that are more about quantity then uniqueness
 
Dr. Smart said:
One of the weirder ones when I tried to explain it to a lady and she decided cats must have aspergers... All cats... Because they aren't as social as dogs. T_T
Click to expand...
There's actually a book which says exactly that :D "All cats have Asperger Syndrome", by Kathy Hoopmann.
 
Lol I looked that up, its cute and a funny coincidence, glad it was a children's book though and not trying to state that as fact XD
 
Dr. Smart said:
Does anyone ever get that response when you are trying to describe certain aspects of asd to them?

I usually speak for myself when discussing asd since a lot of symptoms don't show up in all of us or to the same extents, so of course I don't make blanket statements, it really annoys me then when I say something about autism and it is dismissed as something everyone has.
its like saying your diagnosed with anxiety and someone says everyone gets anxious, I don't think we should have to clarify the "more often then nuerotypicals" after every sentence but it's mostly a social disability for me there's a difference between "sometimes I feel awkward" and "a symptom of my disability is that I often come across as awkward"

One of the weirder ones when I tried to explain it to a lady and she decided cats must have aspergers... All cats... Because they aren't as social as dogs. T_T

idk maybe I'm just looking for snowflake points and don't want my specialness dismissed but I wonder if anybody else on the spectrum gets this and how you feel about it.

Note its annoying but I don't get angry with the person who says it, I just point out that some disabilities have symptoms that are more about quantity then uniqueness
Click to expand...

This just another reason why I do not discuss this with anyone unless they need to know. Trying to explain AS to most people just does not work. They either will not or can not understand. Some of the things that they think are really wild.

I understand that for some people, having AS is a disability. However, for me it is not. I am not disabled in any way. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and if anything, it is my superpower.
 
clg114 said:
This just another reason why I do not discuss this with anyone unless they need to know. Trying to explain AS to most people just does not work. They either will not or can not understand. Some of the things that they think are really wild.

I understand that for some people, having AS is a disability. However, for me it is not. I am not disabled in any way. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and if anything, it is my superpower.
Click to expand...

A superpower..... with people as our kryptonite :)
 
I thought about that when I'd come to the realization that my life long idiosyncrasies and quirks and bucket load of diagnosis could be summed up neatly with the term Asperger's.

I got excited; with the children all grown up I could now point my superpowers at a cause. Give them free reign in the academic arena.
I'm like YESSS...I'm not mentally ill, I have Asperger's !! Woop-woop :D
 
Dr. Smart said:
One of the weirder ones when I tried to explain it to a lady and she decided cats must have aspergers... All cats... Because they aren't as social as dogs. T_T
Click to expand...

Which is also ignorant, since cats are very social! In the wild, Felis silvestris lybica live communally, raise their kittens together, and hunt in partnerships.

But I agree that I have come to find the "Oh, everybody has that" response to be extremely annoying.

Me: "I can't stand this tag on the back of my neck, it's like it's made of razor blades."

Co-worker: "I know, don't you hate them?"

She goes back to work because she notices it, and then ignores it. I go in the ladies room and rip it out with a pair of scissors because I can't stop feeling it.

I think that is the key difference between our reactions and those of NTs. We both notice it, but they have a small reaction and a small response, while we have both turned up to 11.
 
Yep, yep, yep. But I couldn't word it better than WereBear has.

I just hate how dismissive it is. Like, yeah, sure, everybody gets this or that, sometimes. But is it all the time? Is it everything? Does it keep you from thinking? Does it make focusing impossible? Will it leave you somewhere between drained and dumbfounded? Sure, "everybody has that", but there's a difference between those who can go on happily with the rest of the day and me, crippled by "that".
 
My life in autism: "I just can't handle soft touch, it's really overwhelming for me."
NT: "Everybody's like that."
Me: "Right..." :confused:
 
yes.....super annoying because it is incredible difficult for me to put into words how i feel and then get a dismissive reply. i get it that everyone feels something sometimes but i wish i could explain the differences better.

worst response was, " sounds like a guy thing"

ugghhh
 
I don't talk much about it unless it is necessary.
Actually I try to just fit in with NTs when I'm around them. If anything, they notice my quirks and will say something about them. Like: "You need girl friends. Don't you have girl friends to talk with?" or " Your ideas on things are so different. You're strange." or "Why are you fidgity? Are you nervous or something?" So it's actually noticed and many seem to think they need to bring it to my attention.
That's annoying too.
 
On being invited to go along to Zumba fitness classes every week by work colleagues stood in a gaggle.
Me: "No thanks" and smile - making sure this smile reached my eyes, open, relaxed body language, warm, friendly, intonation. (For their benefit)

"Oh, (pause) why not?" Friendly, but my answer wasn't what was expected.

"I get too anxious, I won't enjoy it, I won't remember the steps, it will be too noisy and too crowded"

"I know what you mean, I get like that but I still go?"

I think 'Lady, if you actually got 'like that' you wouldn't be anywhere near a fast paced, chaotic, crowded fitness class.
The invitation is still open, there's a big pause because to this gaggle of ladies my reasons for declining are invalid and bordering on offensive.
There's no empathy or literal understanding of my reasons and because of that they're starting to believe it's them, as people I don't want to spend time with in an activity they regard as fun.
I'm going to have to come up with something better than melt down inducing reasons so I lie.

"Listen, I'll give it a miss, Im having trouble with cartlidge in my knee"
"It seems okay at work" (they suspect I'm lying)
"I'm not jumping around on it at work" and smile- (this is plausable) and still smiling and eye contact " thanks anyway but I'll leave it this time"

And that's that.
 
Well played, @Gracey , well played!

Basically, the only excuse for NOT joining a group is that you are about to leave for another continent. And then they will press you about when you will get back...
 
Oh yes, yes, yes and even: are you officially diagnosed? No one questions me having social anxiety and yet they have never witnessed it first hand and despite that, no one says: oh everyone feels that way or are you official lol

It is because NT's see classic autism in their mind's eye and because we look "normal", it is incredulous that we could be on the spectrum.

However a couple of people have got to know me a bit and one even introduced me to her niece, who has aspergers ( I am suspicious about that being true) as: this is Suzanne and she has aspergers as well.
 
Suzanne said:
Oh yes, yes, yes and even: are you officially diagnosed? No one questions me having social anxiety and yet they have never witnessed it first hand and despite that, no one says: oh everyone feels that way or are you official lol

It is because NT's see classic autism in their mind's eye and because we look "normal", it is incredulous that we could be on the spectrum.

However a couple of people have got to know me a bit and one even introduced me to her niece, who has aspergers ( I am suspicious about that being true) as: this is Suzanne and she has aspergers as well.
Click to expand...

I think you've got that right @Suzanne.
Sometimes the effort we put in to appear unoticable is effective. It works. It can zap the life out of us but others have a hard time distinguishing anything remotely Aspie.
Or it could be anothers idea of Autism that we're not fitting into.
 
Dr. Smart said:
Does anyone ever get that response when you are trying to describe certain aspects of asd to them?

I usually speak for myself when discussing asd since a lot of symptoms don't show up in all of us or to the same extents, so of course I don't make blanket statements, it really annoys me then when I say something about autism and it is dismissed as something everyone has.
its like saying your diagnosed with anxiety and someone says everyone gets anxious, I don't think we should have to clarify the "more often then nuerotypicals" after every sentence but it's mostly a social disability for me there's a difference between "sometimes I feel awkward" and "a symptom of my disability is that I often come across as awkward"

One of the weirder ones when I tried to explain it to a lady and she decided cats must have aspergers... All cats... Because they aren't as social as dogs. T_T

idk maybe I'm just looking for snowflake points and don't want my specialness dismissed but I wonder if anybody else on the spectrum gets this and how you feel about it.

Note its annoying but I don't get angry with the person who says it, I just point out that some disabilities have symptoms that are more about quantity then uniqueness
Click to expand...

Hi, I'm glad somebody else said this. I hate it. In fact it is so damaging, as this is what has prevented me from explaining issues to GPs, every time I get to the root, after loafs of details and nuances in my mind, I dismiss it. Because it sounds normal. 30+ years I've felt awkward and wrong etc etc. Only this year I became aware of AS struggles and symptoms And it feels great to know(Even though I'm not officially assessed yet). If I said half of what I felt to a gp, I'm sure they would have picked up on certain words..
But to answer the qu. Yes. I absolutely hate it. My NT mates are not very imaginative. They think I'm manifesting symptoms through over research and deep thinking. ..
 
Suzanne said:
Oh yes, yes, yes and even: are you officially diagnosed? No one questions me having social anxiety and yet they have never witnessed it first hand and despite that, no one says: oh everyone feels that way or are you official lol
Click to expand...

Often when I say I have social anxiety disorder, people say things like, "Yeah, I think I have that too," but I have a feeling they have no idea. It makes me appreciate the idea of formal diagnosis. Similarly, lots of people call themselves OCD because they're tidy but are nowhere near diagnosable. I think it's cool that this community is so open to self-diagnosis (I'm only self-diagnosed with ASD), but I wonder if eventually lots of people who are simply "nerds" will start calling themselves autistic.
 
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