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Ever had this?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Aspergers_Aspie, Apr 27, 2021.

  1. Aspergers_Aspie

    Aspergers_Aspie Well-Known Member

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    Not all the time but if I've been talking to someone in the drop-in centre for aspergers, not my friends but sometimes a support worker supporting someone else will look behind them as if to try and look at where I'm looking, this is rude in my opinion, not everyone keeps 100 percent eye contact during a chat.
     
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  2. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I don’t feel like it’s intended to be rude. I think if you break eye contact to look somewhere else, most people’s instincts will be to want to see what it is that has seemingly distracted you. I think it’s simple survival instinct.
     
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  3. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    You're looking too hard for things to be offended by, honestly.

    No, it's not rude. When someone is staring at a point behind you, it's natural to turn and check to see what it is, in case there's something there that could be a problem.
     
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  4. VictorR

    VictorR Random Member V.I.P Member

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    I concur with the above responses. What if you saw something concerning but were frozen or too scared to speak out? The other party has a responsibility to identify whether there is something of concern to you or to both, especially in a social work environment where staff are trained to watch for subtle clues of possible distress.
     
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  5. SimonSays

    SimonSays Time is an illusion I seem to have a lot of V.I.P Member

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    If someone (who is not on the spectrum) seems more interested in something behind me while I'm talking to them, it can feel rude, like what I have to say is of little interest. I don't care what they're looking at (if it was a concern I assume they would show it or say something), I just need to feel like they're listening. The same if someone is looking at their phone during a conversation for more than just a glance.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I happen to look down instead of past someone to avoid eye contact. I don't believe that causes them to try and follow my gaze. It also has the added benefit of maybe finding dropped change. ;)
     
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  7. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    I daydreamed a lot. So that tends to happen when I'm no longer interested.
    In "group" conversation. One on one I do my best with eye contact. Though more often then not they get nervous or say I'm staring. Of course your not suppose to stare into the eyes of a wolf.o_O
     
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  8. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You've got an autism 'drop in' centre near you? I wish. Autistic gaze is something that feels off to others, they may feel we are looking thru/past them, that we're not meeting their gaze and wonder why.
     
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  9. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l had a boss that always looked away. Then l figured he might have some autistic qualities. At first it confused me. Then l got use to it.
     
  10. Lennie

    Lennie New Member

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    This is one of those things that I struggled with for a long time before my diagnosis allowed me to make sense of why I was doing it. People kept calling me out over this

    One thing for me is that my eyes will naturally go wherever there's something written. It's not really conscious.

    If I'm standing outside for example and there's a car, my eyes will just naturally go to the license plate because it's letters and numbers.

    Or say I'm in the grocery and there's someone with written stuff on their clothes my eyes will go there to try to read it.

    And so if I'm in someone's office and there's books and papers everywhere and degrees on the wall, it's just really hard for me to keep eye contact because my eyes will just be wandering all over to read everything within sight. It's just so hard to tune off.

    It's just so hard to make people understand that I am listening to them and paying attention to what they're saying, regardless of where my eyes go. And if I try too hard to maintain eye contact I might miss important things they say because I'm consciously trying to make eye contact and I'm thinking "I have to make eye contact I have to make eye contact" instead of focusing on what they're saying. So I'm actually paying MORE attention to what they're saying if I just let my eyes wander naturally. Maybe I should just wear sunglasses or something.
     
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  11. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Love to, but it's not socially acceptable. They don't wanna know how eye contact/gaze is for us, it's 'fit in or else'. we are a minority.