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Viktoria

Active Member
I have been dating an autistic man for 8 months now . He did not tell me he was autistic for a while , when we first started dating he was amazing. So kind , loving , he couldn't get enough of me then all of a sudden he just sort of turned off , we dont have sex unless i start it , he doesnt say good morning ( until hes talked to all his fb friends first) he usually goes to bed without saying goodnight.

I know he loves me but hes very obsessed with being friends with loads of random females and it feels like he no longer has time or interest in me , his obsession with facebook and other women has massively destroyed the loving side of us . I cry almost every day because i feel so unwanted and rejected , i love this man with all my heart but i see no future with someone who will sit and ignore me while hes on fb , its not healthy .

Honestly im here to see if anyone has advice, i dont want to loose him.
 
I think it's best to ignore what Facebook makes you think because that's not in the real world. I know many people who ignore me in favor of social networks. Is that in any way a reason not to love them? Of course not, they're my best friends on Earth.
 
cberg said:
I think it's best to ignore what Facebook makes you think because that's not in the real world. I know many people who ignore me in favor of social networks. Is that in any way a reason not to love them? Of course not, they're my best friends on Earth.
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Not that simple . Hes on it when we are in bed , hes on it constantly. Its like an addiction and he gets si angry if i ask him to put it down and do stuff with me
 
Is he newish to Facebook and social media platforms? I just wonder if he might have gone through life with few friends never mind female friends or attention, and now he’s found it it’s becoming obsessive due to him now receiving so much attention he’s never had before. He might be enjoying the female attention and having his ego stroked as it’s not something he’s learned to cope with previously.

Are his Facebook ‘friends’ people he meets with face to face or is it all online? If you give him some space you might find once the novelty wears off he becomes bored with it as it goes nowhere. I know that’s not much help to you but if he isn’t treating you with respect, you might have to consider your options especially if you’ve spoken to him about what he’s doing and how it makes you feel.

It’s unrealistic to expect to be able to mould him into what you want him to be, that won’t work I’m sure you already know. Perhaps instead of thinking that you really don’t want to lose him, you should start thinking you might have to let him go and move on for your own sake. If he’s not interested in treating you right at this early stage of the relationship, that is while not impossible, unlikely to change further down the road sadly for you.
 
I'm going to tell you how I would deal with this situation if I were in your shoes. Of course, you are not me so you will do as you think best. But, you did ask.

Leave the relationship. I know you don't want to lose him, but he will continue to treat you badly as long as he knows that you won't leave. Also, he is not the man you want him to be. He is not the man he showed you when the relationship started. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you are worth better than him.
 
No but he does thrive off the attention and he works in a bar so all these random females are either girls hes slept with or random girls he wants to sleep with. Its like im not allowed to request a bit of respect in my relationship because when i try to talkhe just says 'its not my fault im autistic ' and then i feel likei can't say a word
Starfire said:
Is he newish to Facebook and social media platforms? I just wonder if he might have gone through life with few friends never mind female friends or attention, and now he’s found it it’s becoming obsessive due to him now receiving so much attention he’s never had before. He might be enjoying the female attention and having his ego stroked as it’s not something he’s learned to cope with previously.

Are his Facebook ‘friends’ people he meets with face to face or is it all online? If you give him some space you might find once the novelty wears off he becomes bored with it as it goes nowhere. I know that’s not much help to you but if he isn’t treating you with respect, you might have to consider your options especially if you’ve spoken to him about what he’s doing and how it makes you feel.

It’s unrealistic to expect to be able to mould him into what you want him to be, that won’t work I’m sure you already know. Perhaps instead of thinking that you really don’t want to lose him, you should start thinking you might have to let him go and move on for your own sake. If he’s not interested in treating you right at this early stage of the relationship, that is while not impossible, unlikely to change further down the road sadly for you.
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Oldlady said:
I'm going to tell you how I would deal with this situation if I were in your shoes. Of course, you are not me so you will do as you think best. But, you did ask.

Leave the relationship. I know you don't want to lose him, but he will continue to treat you badly as long as he knows that you won't leave. Also, he is not the man you want him to be. He is not the man he showed you when the relationship started. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you are worth better than him.
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Viktoria said:
No but he does thrive off the attention and he works in a bar so all these random females are either girls hes slept with or random girls he wants to sleep with. Its like im not allowed to request a bit of respect in my relationship because when i try to talkhe just says 'its not my fault im autistic ' and then i feel likei can't say a word
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You absolutely are allowed to expect respect, without it there is no relationship! Don’t make the mistake of thinking having autism is an excuse for bad behaviour or a get out of jail free card, it is not.

He doesn’t sound ready to settle down or treat you right if he wants to fill his boots and have you as a back up. Do what you want but this will likely get worse for you before it better if it does, and I don’t think it will based on what you wrote.
 
Silly ... no.

I'm not an expert here, but I would assume that the same sort of help for anyone with addictions would be available to someone with autism. If you contact the institutions and let them know that the person who is addicted is also autistic, then they may be able to give you further information.
 
Good luck, don’t accept being treated as second best, you’re worth more than that.
 
As possibly autistic boyfriend I have to point out, that autism is a different way of looking at the world. It is not an excuse for horrible behaviour. While it is true that autistic relationships require a bit more effort in communication, it doesn't directly lead people to be bad boyfriends. You will do a bigger favor to all of us, if you stick to clear communication. Giving other possible handicaps implies that we can't really be expected to be decent people.

Speaking of which, autistic people can be unworthy of girlfriends as well. Don't take just about anything simply because you are dating someone with autism. It's supposed to be a relationship, and not you being his aid.

I say this all just generally and to bring perspective. I don't know this guy, and for all I know he is pretty cüül once you get to know him. These are just things to keep in mind, and not advice to dump him asap.
 
Viktoria said:
Not that simple . Hes on it when we are in bed , hes on it constantly. Its like an addiction and he gets si angry if i ask him to put it down and do stuff with me
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Tell him to delete his Facebook page. Facebook is malware plain & simple.
 
NecroCurator said:
As possibly autistic boyfriend I have to point out, that autism is a different way of looking at the world. It is not an excuse for horrible behaviour. While it is true that autistic relationships require a bit more effort in communication, it doesn't directly lead people to be bad boyfriends. You will do a bigger favor to all of us, if you stick to clear communication. Giving other possible handicaps implies that we can't really be expected to be decent people.

Speaking of which, autistic people can be unworthy of girlfriends as well. Don't take just about anything simply because you are dating someone with autism. It's supposed to be a relationship, and not you being his aid.

I say this all just generally and to bring perspective. I don't know this guy, and for all I know he is pretty cüül once you get to know him. These are just things to keep in mind, and not advice to dump him asap.
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He really is cool , hes my best friend i love him which is why this is so upsetting. I accept his autism but wont allow it to be an excuse
 
Viktoria said:
Not that simple . Hes on it when we are in bed , hes on it constantly. Its like an addiction and he gets si angry if i ask him to put it down and do stuff with me
Click to expand...

Online addictions can transcend the neurological divide.

That Facebook and all the superficiality socializing that goes with it can be an obsession to much of anyone whether Neurotypical or Neurodiverse.

With a few possible exceptions like myself, who considers Facebook little more than an online manifestation of "Lord of the Flies". An online destination I simply never go to.
 
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