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Ego and Autism

As a child, the only source of ego I had was scoring well on tests. Not one thing I did other than that got me the slightest praise and usually derision. Sometimes anger. Teacher told me I was useless. Mom said I was too stupid to understand. Peers were constantly teasing and bullying. Difficult to build up an ego without positive feedback.

Wasn't until I was in high school and met a couple of really good teachers and made a couple of friends that I had any sense I was worth anything at all. Still never developed much ego until my 20s because I was always failing at getting hired or staying employed. Then I got really lucky, got a good job, and started feeling good about myself.
 
What we call people with "big-egos" actually have underdeveloped egos, and they falsely inflate them - the narcissists etc.

From as far as I can remember, while we all got called names, it was if it was a big deal when I got called them.

I never liked the fact that it took so long for me to learn to walk without falling down and being poor at sport. I wouldn't accept that I was poor at sport. My ego was bruised as it took me till 9yrs old to ride a bike.

I disregarded my artistic talent and my high intelligence, like, rejected myself, and complained about what was bad about me, no wonder bullies made fun of me, it was like I put a target on my back. Sport was cool and art/reading uncool in my eyes back then.

I treated myself badly so my family just followed suit.

Nowadays I like it when people pay me compliments as my ego could use some building up :)
 
I don't think I have a large ego I am just self absorbed...and my that I mean I am in my head often sorta in my own space so I am distracted often when talking to people or I don't want to talk at all. So I guess if you thought of that as ego it does get in the way of social skills but I don't think it's ego that would require high self esteem and that I do not have.
 
I think we come over as having large egos because we tend to research things and come to a definite conclusion and we are sure about that conclusion. We feel that we have the facts and we will very easily jump to tell all those facts.

When we present those facts we are often conversing with people who haven't done as much research and whether we are wrong or right we can bulldoze over them with all the information we have gleaned on the subject.

That is intimidating and alienating to other people. They feel like we don't care about their perspective and that we think they are small and stupid.
 
FIVER said:
You can speak anyway you want on this thread. (Well, from me anyways.)
I like to hear what people think.
Click to expand...
Yeah, there is a psychological definition of ego as part of the id, ego and superego theory of personality. I'm using it in the sense that ego means a sense of personal importance and pride in who you are. To this day I have no "pride" in much of anything I do or am. It always feels like what I did is unimportant and unremarkable. Seeing too much pride in another person makes me uncomfortable. People who think they are super important usually think people like me are meant to be used and steamrolled.
 
They say we are egocentric and I can't deny we can seem that way. I certainly have been masking to try to avoid that impression. Like asking "how's the family" who I hardly know. I also try to demonstrate my humanity in concrete ways, donating blood, for example. I don't hope for more than "he IS human, not the robot he seems like" :(.

Hard to know if we are actually more egocentric than the general population. We are more unfiltered so you often get what you see. Others are born the same as us but learn they must mask their egocentric nature to get what they want.
 
QUOTE="Au Naturel, post: 759404, member: 23641"]It always feels like what I did is unimportant and unremarkable. Seeing too much pride in another person makes me uncomfortable. People who think they are super important usually think people like me are meant to be used and steamrolled.[/QUOTE]

^^^ This.

Along with doing some remarkable discoveries and a professor gets the credit.

I’ve made peace with it, God knows and that’s all that is important to me. People got helped.
 
FIVER said:
Wow! That must have been traumatic.
I'm glad you made peace. Has what happened changed how you live life and how you view others?
Have you ever heard the term Samskara?
Have you ever read the book "The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer?
Click to expand...

Several questions, no it wasn’t traumatic - my family, well yeah trauma/drama there but naw not with that. I’m a pretty simple person, least I think so. It’s more of a “whatever”, again, all I really care about in the terms of life itself is doing what makes Jesus happy. With me personally, I’m a Christian first, then wife to an incredible man that is possible on the line with aspie, wouldn’t say 100% but lots of the same way in thinking. Btw, I screw up all the time, but this has given me a good sense of humor. It’s really nice to know why I’m different, and that now I do not think that I’m screwed up it’s just everybody else lol

Issues with being an aspie with me is more that I wear my heart on my sleeve and take things usually way too personal. Maybe I can learn here to be better at that, or how to handle it better without melting down - as in shutting down. No drama, just quiet sadness.
 
FIVER said:
In relationship with social skills.
This is a big issue.
Click to expand...

Agree it is a big issue. Hope I’m seeing this the way the OP intended.

I’m probably venturing way past my safe zone. But I’m listening to Beethoven at the moment so here goes.

In growing up as an ASD person I think my kiddo ego got rather twisted due to bullying and sociopathic family member’s behaviors. I’m stubborn and creative and this was a recipe for some traumatic results.

Once I escaped, with help from a few people, I crashed into being out in the world. That weird ego and I naively/stupidly continued to process social information in the way I’d experienced.

Failure after failure right up to the present. My vulnerability is intractable. That is, I think, because of the weakness and weirdness of my ego and ASD.

If only there could be classes and maybe peer menors for us ASD people as we get into middle school and high school. Perhaps we’d be launching into the world with a better toolbox and boundaries.
 
"bullying"
"sociopathic family"
"vulnerability"
Sounds like the story of an awful lot of Aspies summed up right there. Not quite a universal experience but certainly a common theme.
 
watersprite said:
Agree it is a big issue. Hope I’m seeing this the way the OP intended.

I’m probably venturing way past my safe zone. But I’m listening to Beethoven at the moment so here goes.

In growing up as an ASD person I think my kiddo ego got rather twisted due to bullying and sociopathic family member’s behaviors. I’m stubborn and creative and this was a recipe for some traumatic results.

Once I escaped, with help from a few people, I crashed into being out in the world. That weird ego and I naively/stupidly continued to process social information in the way I’d experienced.

Failure after failure right up to the present. My vulnerability is intractable. That is, I think, because of the weakness and weirdness of my ego and ASD.

If only there could be classes and maybe peer menors for us ASD people as we get into middle school and high school. Perhaps we’d be launching into the world with a better toolbox and boundaries.
Click to expand...
We are in danger of believing our vulnerability is "too difficult to fix"
I'm 54, I, too wish I was aware I had Asperger's as a kid.
I no longer believe a difficult trait is stuck with us.
I am learning personal boundaries, it is never too late to learn.
 
Au Naturel said:
As a child, the only source of ego I had was scoring well on tests. Not one thing I did other than that got me the slightest praise and usually derision. Sometimes anger. Teacher told me I was useless. Mom said I was too stupid to understand. Peers were constantly teasing and bullying. Difficult to build up an ego without positive feedback.

Wasn't until I was in high school and met a couple of really good teachers and made a couple of friends that I had any sense I was worth anything at all. Still never developed much ego until my 20s because I was always failing at getting hired or staying employed. Then I got really lucky, got a good job, and started feeling good about myself.
Click to expand...

I can relate. When I was in elementary school, my teachers also told me that I was useless. Even when I was excelling at certain subjects, my teachers constantly downplayed my academic achievements and wanted to send me to a class for the mentally disabled because they thought I was academically incapable. It didn't help that some of my early childhood psychologists had played a crucial part in this shameless attempt to dismantle my self-esteem and downplay my achievements. It's only when I got to high school and had some good teachers that I managed to excel and achieve some level of academic ascendency. I was capable, but I just wasn't motivated because I was constantly being bullied by my peers or being belittled by my regular teachers. It's funny but I remember one of my substitute teachers telling me to shut up in class in front of the other students who applauded her. I don't think in my Elementary school that they provided good educators to help mold us or enrich our minds. Now that I think about, it was a very subpar educational facility without the usual discipline or the rigorous exercise of authority. Come to think of it, I remember several of my classmates/bullies ended up becoming drug dealers or getting pregnant in their teens and having to drop out of school early because they couldn't keep up with the curriculum and be a parent at the same time.

I guess it turned out well for me.
 
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