Dumping too much information and repeating myself

[PinkPenguin29]

With the beginning of Covid19 came a bunch of other stressors into my life and as a result I feel like a few of my behaviors that I've been working on have come back.

I get very fixated on my personal problems to the point of obsession where it starts to be unhealthy and it hurts my relationship with others.
It plays in a loop and I would talk about it nonstop to the point where I feel like I've alienated myself from others. How I phrase things might change, but it's essentially the same thing over and over. And I wont realize it until its pointed out to me or much much later.
Last couple of years I've been working on catching myself and trying to come to grips with obsession doesn't solve the problem. It the problem either will or it won't.
But recently I've realized I've regressed.
I can't focus on the things that normally move past my worries.
Right now I'm at the point of forcing myself to do things besides endlessly talk and talk saying the same things over and over.
I'm forcing myself to read.
I'm forcing myself to write.
I'm forcing myself to go for walks.
But my brain wants to linger still.
I feel like I should try therapy again, but one on one with a therapist, someone who qualified and trained to listen gives me panic attacks. I've gone into an session that's supposed to be an hour and left after 20 minutes because my heart pounds! I've done well with group therapy weirdly but with covid that's not likely.

I used try meditation , but cleaning my head or focus on my breathing isn't happening .

What do you do when your brain turns against you?

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I will add the Autism forums have been great therapy for me

 

[unperson]

Simple but absorbing computer games helps me to stop ruminating.

A tidy environment also helps, so cleaning.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

Simple but absorbing computer games helps me to stop ruminating.

A tidy environment also helps, so cleaning.

believe me, my apartment has never been so clean, but i've been so at it, I've run out of stuff to clean.
But perhaps it's time to pull out a game or two

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have to directly address whatever I'm ruminating on.

If it's past stuff, usually the only thing I can do is remind myself that I have learned from it and resolve to do better. It helps if I have a few experiences under my belt where I have done better.

If it's future stuff, I have to write down the problem, broken down as much as I can. Then I have to write down my plan for how to work at it - steps I can do, other stuff I need to learn/look up/figure out. Once I've thought through it as much as I can and written it down, I can put it out of my mind. When the worry comes up, I can say, "I've already thought through this and made the plan that I'm going to follow."

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I have to directly address whatever I'm ruminating on.

If it's past stuff, usually the only thing I can do is remind myself that I have learned from it and resolve to do better. It helps if I have a few experiences under my belt where I have done better.

If it's future stuff, I have to write down the problem, broken down as much as I can. Then I have to write down my plan for how to work at it - steps I can do, other stuff I need to learn/look up/figure out. Once I've thought through it as much as I can and written it down, I can put it out of my mind. When the worry comes up, I can say, "I've already thought through this and made the plan that I'm going to follow."

I've been told about writing down my problems in a journal, so maybe that's what I need to do

 

[AngelaS267]

I was having a hard time during this virus too. I have a life coach I speak to every Tuesday and we process my thoughts and feelings together when I can't handle it. I smoke marijuana, but as of late, I am trying to be more mindful of not smoking when something bad happens so I don't train myself to turn to it when things get bad. I'm learning to be present with my negative emotions. I lay down if I feel like I need to lay down, and if I feel cramped in, I will go outside. I spoke to a psychiatrist and now am on medication which I feel has been a huge step in the right direction for me. I feel better. I also watch self help videos to help me correctly handle my emotions so I am not being mean to myself and so I can process why I react the ways that I do. I don't know if you're into spiritual channels (You don't even really have to be spiritual to watch), but I follow someone named Teal Swan on YT. Her stuff isn't hocus pocusy like a lot of others, and she talks directly about Psychology in all of her videos, and I must say, they saved my life and helped completely change my perspective. I'll link it if you're interested. If you're not into it, that's okay too! I think it is beneficial to find a channel that speaks to your needs, so any one will do as long as it helps you!

Emotional Wake Up Call

 

[Aspychata]

Something maynot work out now. But it may work later. So don't throw everything out, just keep trying. Mediation hasn't been my answer either. You have to find your release. Mine- exercise. I lose myself.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I was having a hard time during this virus too. I have a life coach I speak to every Tuesday and we process my thoughts and feelings together when I can't handle it. I smoke marijuana, but as of late, I am trying to be more mindful of not smoking when something bad happens so I don't train myself to turn to it when things get bad. I'm learning to be present with my negative emotions. I lay down if I feel like I need to lay down, and if I feel cramped in, I will go outside. I spoke to a psychiatrist and now am on medication which I feel has been a huge step in the right direction for me. I feel better. I also watch self help videos to help me correctly handle my emotions so I am not being mean to myself and so I can process why I react the ways that I do. I don't know if you're into spiritual channels (You don't even really have to be spiritual to watch), but I follow someone named Teal Swan on YT. Her stuff isn't hocus pocusy like a lot of others, and she talks directly about Psychology in all of her videos, and I must say, they saved my life and helped completely change my perspective. I'll link it if you're interested. If you're not into it, that's okay too! I think it is beneficial to find a channel that speaks to your needs, so any one will do as long as it helps you!

Emotional Wake Up Call

I was smoking pot to, but recently it started making anxiety worse, and recently my line of work has changed to where I may get drug tested including for pot despite its legal. It's actually a source of one of my many anxiety, I've been off a month and I guess even oral swabs pick up to three months.

I'll look up Swan, thank you

 

[Els]

I personally found relief in not changing myself and not be against my reactions and thoughts and let my brain make the operations it needs to freely. It goes away faster this way for me, but that's my experience. I just let it, I try to be somewhat happy with it, but I don't try to modificate each time I think about something. Most likely, if the problem isn't solved in my mind, the thoughts will continue, so I let myself go very deep in the process of solving things so that it ends faster. I also write down my conclusions, so that if my brain starts to want to "make sure I remember" or something, I immediately know it's written so I don't need to care about starting to think about that same subject from the start. But I do let the mental processes happen with little opposition. They happen faster this way instead of being blocked. I'm realistic about my brain, it's an unfatigable solving machine and I don't believe I'll change that. I take notes of the solutions I come with, so that when I come to a point of personal agreement with myself about a problematic subject, I know I don't need to think about it more times.
I also let myself make mistakes or having a judgement that might be wrong. I used to not let that happen and need to make everything sure. Now I don't. I don't try to be necesserily popular in my thinking or choices, I don't try to justificate as much as I used to. That relieves a lot of mental activity.
Also, I think sometimes I get too lost in details when thinking, and when it's the case I intentionally force myself to step back to have a larger view of the situation. That helps me to know the direction I'm going to, and sometimes I realize I don't need to think about things too much because I remember the direction. I feel less lost when I step back. Getting caught in details and info dump is nice but just seeing the big picture can comfort me.

Also, the way my brain works can be tiring, but on the other side, it makes me come with ideas that aren't main stream and actually work because I spent a longtime solving things and looking for information. It is maladaptive when there's no solution to a problem - very hard time in letting go, and this can result in having a hard time to focus on something else as you describe - but since I started to see how it serves me and its positives, I'm happier with this "obsessive" functionning. I have an other point of view on my thinking now, and yes it can be quiet obsessive and tons of info dump and stuff, but it's a great tool too. I can use it for my own benefits - and the benefits of others too - and in the end yes it comes with its disadvantages but I don't think I'd exchange my way of thinking with anyone else. I really started liking it; and this decreased the stress I had. Now I just let my brain do its job faster, so that I can do other stuffs faster too. It's less stressful than opposing myself all the time and not being happy.

 

[Jumpback]

I get very fixated on my personal problems to the point of obsession where it starts to be unhealthy and it hurts my relationship with others.
It plays in a loop and I would talk about it nonstop to the point where I feel like I've alienated myself from others. How I phrase things might change, but it's essentially the same thing over and over. And I wont realize it until its pointed out to me or much much later.

I do basically exactly the same thing, but I am never exactly repeating myself, it’s always a just slightly different approach. I’m sure that it sounds to others like I am just repeating myself over and over, but it really isn’t exactly the same words and explainations and theories

I think that it largely is actually trying to solve a problem, in that approaching something really bad from slightly different angle after slightly different angle after slightly different angle in the hopes that a solution will just emerge at some point.

But I think it kind of just boils down to trying to solve a problem which cannot be solved, which only applies to ones self.

I think that the best solution is to just find a way to find something else to grab ones interest to take over the spot of these unsolvable problem

 

[Alexej]

have you tried meditation.

There is a thread in here on mindfulness which might give you some ideas

 

[Els]

Also, I accepted that I won't feel totally relieved/happy until I find "how to". That's not a problem anymore for me, and that takes away a lot of useless stress.
Parts of my notebook that can be helpful for you (take whatever you want and throw the rest) :
- Simplification. When thinking about something complicated, simplify it. Instead of adding and analyzing more details (which will anyway happen too), simplify anything you can't see clear, solve, seems hard. It's something I learned while drawing : before I can have the full picture of the subject with the details, I need to break it down and draw it as simple as possible. When I think it's simple, I simplify even more. Complexification comes after that "regression" process. Simplifying is a mental process that's super helpful in many situations, it's a process I usually overlook.
- Realism. I wrote more stuffs about it, but mostly being realistic with my expectations : expectations about myself, others, work, skills, whatever. I can't expect myself to be radically different or to change in one night. I can't expect to learn a language in a week. I can't expect to solve a problem I can't solve at all. I can't expect things I can't control to be controlable. I try to be more realistic about my goals too. Not getting too anxious if I don't manage or solve things right now, it might be unrealistic. I like to save myself from making mistakes, but it's unrealistic to believe I won't make any. It's also unrealistic (for me) to believe I'll save myself from panic because I breathe a certain way. It won't happen, ever. I move on with finding ways that actually realistically work for me. Either it's taking a pill so it stops and I don't need to solve something unsolvable, either it's whatever is enjoyable for me. Putting songs for babies on youtube works instantanously for me. Watching videos with different colors (like a kaleidoscope or whatever) works well too. Putting earplugs and completely close my eyes/seeing also calms me down. Focusing on my breathing is useless for me, I can't care less, and if I'm really anxious, having to focus on mentally control something I can't control can make me even more anxious and frustrated. I don't care what a specialist can believe, I know myself way better than anyone else. There's no quick fix that works universally. We're all different.

 

[Aspychata]

Being in nature is very soothing. Walking on a beautiful path. Staring at the ocean. Doing something that you find joy in. Learning to recognize things that bring you happiness. Inner reflection of all the things you have accomplished despite all our obstacles can bring peace. Things you did that you thought you couldn't. Today l am reflecting on things l accomplished yesterday. That is bringing me peace.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I personally found relief in not changing myself and not be against my reactions and thoughts and let my brain make the operations it needs to freely. It goes away faster this way for me, but that's my experience. I just let it, I try to be somewhat happy with it, but I don't try to modificate each time I think about something. Most likely, if the problem isn't solved in my mind, the thoughts will continue, so I let myself go very deep in the process of solving things so that it ends faster. I also write down my conclusions, so that if my brain starts to want to "make sure I remember" or something, I immediately know it's written so I don't need to care about starting to think about that same subject from the start. But I do let the mental processes happen with little opposition. They happen faster this way instead of being blocked. I'm realistic about my brain, it's an unfatigable solving machine and I don't believe I'll change that. I take notes of the solutions I come with, so that when I come to a point of personal agreement with myself about a problematic subject, I know I don't need to think about it more times.
I also let myself make mistakes or having a judgement that might be wrong. I used to not let that happen and need to make everything sure. Now I don't. I don't try to be necesserily popular in my thinking or choices, I don't try to justificate as much as I used to. That relieves a lot of mental activity.
Also, I think sometimes I get too lost in details when thinking, and when it's the case I intentionally force myself to step back to have a larger view of the situation. That helps me to know the direction I'm going to, and sometimes I realize I don't need to think about things too much because I remember the direction. I feel less lost when I step back. Getting caught in details and info dump is nice but just seeing the big picture can comfort me.

Also, the way my brain works can be tiring, but on the other side, it makes me come with ideas that aren't main stream and actually work because I spent a longtime solving things and looking for information. It is maladaptive when there's no solution to a problem - very hard time in letting go, and this can result in having a hard time to focus on something else as you describe - but since I started to see how it serves me and its positives, I'm happier with this "obsessive" functionning. I have an other point of view on my thinking now, and yes it can be quiet obsessive and tons of info dump and stuff, but it's a great tool too. I can use it for my own benefits - and the benefits of others too - and in the end yes it comes with its disadvantages but I don't think I'd exchange my way of thinking with anyone else. I really started liking it; and this decreased the stress I had. Now I just let my brain do its job faster, so that I can do other stuffs faster too. It's less stressful than opposing myself all the time and not being happy.

Normally I try to feel this way, I would apply how my brain works to solve problems rather than let my problems overwelm me. but recently I've been having a hard time stepping back, and my sounding board (My husband) has been too overwhelmed by his own problems and although he has tried to be helpful, I've been overwhelming him with my own separate things.
I think writing out my thought process might be the way to go,
Thank you for your response, it is very helpful

 

[PinkPenguin29]

have you tried meditation.

There is a thread in here on mindfulness which might give you some ideas

I try meditation from time to time, Ill look for the thread
Recently it's been hard for me to clear my mind

 

[PinkPenguin29]

Also, I accepted that I won't feel totally relieved/happy until I find "how to". That's not a problem anymore for me, and that takes away a lot of useless stress.
Parts of my notebook that can be helpful for you (take whatever you want and throw the rest) :
- Simplification. When thinking about something complicated, simplify it. Instead of adding and analyzing more details (which will anyway happen too), simplify anything you can't see clear, solve, seems hard. It's something I learned while drawing : before I can have the full picture of the subject with the details, I need to break it down and draw it as simple as possible. When I think it's simple, I simplify even more. Complexification comes after that "regression" process. Simplifying is a mental process that's super helpful in many situations, it's a process I usually overlook.
- Realism. I wrote more stuffs about it, but mostly being realistic with my expectations : expectations about myself, others, work, skills, whatever. I can't expect myself to be radically different or to change in one night. I can't expect to learn a language in a week. I can't expect to solve a problem I can't solve at all. I can't expect things I can't control to be controlable. I try to be more realistic about my goals too. Not getting too anxious if I don't manage or solve things right now, it might be unrealistic. I like to save myself from making mistakes, but it's unrealistic to believe I won't make any. It's also unrealistic (for me) to believe I'll save myself from panic because I breathe a certain way. It won't happen, ever. I move on with finding ways that actually realistically work for me. Either it's taking a pill so it stops and I don't need to solve something unsolvable, either it's whatever is enjoyable for me. Putting songs for babies on youtube works instantanously for me. Watching videos with different colors (like a kaleidoscope or whatever) works well too. Putting earplugs and completely close my eyes/seeing also calms me down. Focusing on my breathing is useless for me, I can't care less, and if I'm really anxious, having to focus on mentally control something I can't control can make me even more anxious and frustrated. I don't care what a specialist can believe, I know myself way better than anyone else. There's no quick fix that works universally. We're all different.

Thank you,
It's hard for me sometimes to remember that I won't be able to control everything that happens in my life, and that I need to remember to take a step back and accept that what will be will be.
I will try to find some new sensory experiences, maybe I'll find a new stim for my brain that will soothe me

 

[SDRSpark]

I'm the same way, especially if it's a problem I can't "solve". I'll go over and over and over it again...distraction doesn't help at all (in fact its impossible) until my brain is just ready to move on. "Just think about something else" is and has always been a no-go for me. "Changing my perspective" is something I can't do on command either. I just have to ride it out.

Once I do find that I'm able to move on, I am often filled with shame for how long I was unable to let it go.

One thing that really helped me to at least be OK with how my mind works is understanding and validating my emotional responses. "I'm feeling X about Y and that's OK". Because feeling ashamed of feeling just adds something painful on top of something that's already painful, and learning to be OK with it cut that in half.

 

[Aspychata]

Helpful thread, sometimes painful to read because it seems we all struggle with this. I don't feel so alone. I am not unique anymore but others here understand our internal struggles which we can reread and make sense of. Before it was a giant mystery, like Willy Wonka factory. Now it's black and white.

 

[Raggamuffin]

OP: "obsession doesn't solve the problem" ask yourself, is it even a problem you have within your power to affect or change? If not, you have to do your best to focus on something you can effect.

Regarding panic attacks - I had them for years. Got to the point I was agoraphobic for 18 months. What worked for me was forcing myself to go out. To go on long drives, restaurants, new places, socialising etc. Little by little the panic attacks lessened. Now I might get 2 a year. Rather than multiple attacks a week. It was highly uncomfortable at first, but it helped me overcome my fears.

Similar with therapy, I've seen 4 therapists over the years and the first 2 I'd sit through each session with gritted teeth whilst my chest was painful and tight, heart racing, feeling dizzy, or sick, or sweating. But I told myself to get through it. Each and every time.

Mind over matter - it's 3 words, but it could take 3 months, or 3 years, or maybe longer to master.

Ed