Alaric593
Well-Known Member
Hello,
My wife and I have been together for 12 years and it's pretty much over. We have two children, one only 3 months old. I just recently discovered I have Aspergers, 3 years ago approximately. It's taken a toll on our marriage for sure but so has her inability to accept responsibility for her behaviors and project her father who was abusive on to me.
Whenever I try to bring up behavior I would like her to work on, the ego comes up and as she's told me countless times she did with her dad she "dug her heels in and argued with him just to argue because f him" and doesn't hear a word I'm saying.
I know I am difficult but I am not that difficult. I'm capable of calmly asking her and I do. But it doesn't matter how calm, the ego shield raises. She can also be cruel, not always meaning to be I don't think but some is certainly intentional. I don't know what's wrong with her other than the abuse, but she won't seek treatment so I can't force her.
Tonight, she told me I'm going to grow old, alone and lonely. I've never hit a woman, but I really wanted to, I controlled it. I just told her, that I've been alone my whole life and if you cared even a little, you would know that about Aspergers and me.
I am just realizing she just doesn't care enough to want to better herself so those behaviors don't set me off because it's impossible to control sometimes and she doesn't seem to care to understand me better. I've been in therapy since I discovered Aspergers could be the diagnosis for some of the traits that have plagued my life.
The economic situation makes either moving untenable really and I don't want to leave my children anyway. My duty requires me here with them but a duty that I used to know, protection of her life with mine, I don't think I would do anymore which in past relationships, that's when I pulled the plug. If I will protect someone or something with my life, is how I've always known love. My country and served in Afghanistan, when I could no longer feel that I would die for it, for many reasons, I left the military and every woman.
I just feel cornered, trapped, angry, sad, like a failure to my children who luckily don't seem to have Aspergers. Both are incredibly social and love to be around people but are still young whereas, I obviously could take it or leave it but do it because much of my behavior is rooted in a duty to do what I'm doing.
I just don't know what to do. I think I would rather get divorced from her but the thought of not seeing my children daily is the worst pain I've ever felt so I can't imagine surviving actually doing it. We're just not compatible and she has no desire to be better for me or understand me.
My wife and I have been together for 12 years and it's pretty much over. We have two children, one only 3 months old. I just recently discovered I have Aspergers, 3 years ago approximately. It's taken a toll on our marriage for sure but so has her inability to accept responsibility for her behaviors and project her father who was abusive on to me.
Whenever I try to bring up behavior I would like her to work on, the ego comes up and as she's told me countless times she did with her dad she "dug her heels in and argued with him just to argue because f him" and doesn't hear a word I'm saying.
I know I am difficult but I am not that difficult. I'm capable of calmly asking her and I do. But it doesn't matter how calm, the ego shield raises. She can also be cruel, not always meaning to be I don't think but some is certainly intentional. I don't know what's wrong with her other than the abuse, but she won't seek treatment so I can't force her.
Tonight, she told me I'm going to grow old, alone and lonely. I've never hit a woman, but I really wanted to, I controlled it. I just told her, that I've been alone my whole life and if you cared even a little, you would know that about Aspergers and me.
I am just realizing she just doesn't care enough to want to better herself so those behaviors don't set me off because it's impossible to control sometimes and she doesn't seem to care to understand me better. I've been in therapy since I discovered Aspergers could be the diagnosis for some of the traits that have plagued my life.
The economic situation makes either moving untenable really and I don't want to leave my children anyway. My duty requires me here with them but a duty that I used to know, protection of her life with mine, I don't think I would do anymore which in past relationships, that's when I pulled the plug. If I will protect someone or something with my life, is how I've always known love. My country and served in Afghanistan, when I could no longer feel that I would die for it, for many reasons, I left the military and every woman.
I just feel cornered, trapped, angry, sad, like a failure to my children who luckily don't seem to have Aspergers. Both are incredibly social and love to be around people but are still young whereas, I obviously could take it or leave it but do it because much of my behavior is rooted in a duty to do what I'm doing.
I just don't know what to do. I think I would rather get divorced from her but the thought of not seeing my children daily is the worst pain I've ever felt so I can't imagine surviving actually doing it. We're just not compatible and she has no desire to be better for me or understand me.
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