• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

doggie paddling through life

Pats

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
This is what I've felt I have done all my life. You know the phrase "sink or swim"? Yes, we're thrown out into the world to sink or swim.

Swimming seems to come so easy for others and I can only doggie paddle so I can't keep up with the others, I'm more likely to drown because you can only doggie paddle for very short periods of time and, hopefully able to float when I'm out in the deep and can't paddle another stroke.

My brother and sister loved to water ski and I went with them a few times (but stayed in the boat). I did try to ski once - they made it look so fun and easy. After 15 minutes of struggling to keep my face dry and stay afloat and trying to slip my foot into the ski foot things and then trying to stay afloat while trying to keep that ski on and try to get the other on, I was too tired to ski - I never successfully got both feet into the skis at the same time. They just jump in the water, slip the skis on and take off. I can't even get the skis on and if I can't get past step 1 I'm never going to accomplish step 2. I'm not afraid of the water, I'm just very uncomfortable and stiff as a board in the water (even more than usual). So I just watch them ski and I continue to either sit in the boat or doggie paddle my way through.

Oh, even though I can't do it myself, I did teach my kids to swim. :)

So I've doggie paddled my way through life.

How are some ways you would describe your life?
 
I've mostly stumbled my way through life. Running, tripping, crawling, getting up, slowly walking, running until I fall again.
 
I'm on one of those marathon swims enduring fatigue, cold, and cookie cutter sharks.
I'm determined to make it over the finish line.
 
Drifting. Like life is a river and I'm just drifting along. I don't plan, I just go with whatever happens.

In college, I took whatever classes were interesting and only chose a major in my last year, when I realized that my scholarship was going to run out.

I was introduced to my wife by our families.

I fell backwards into a career. I don't study technical books for my job - I just learn what I need to for the current task.

And somehow, it works for me. I'm okay with it. I'm very happy in my marriage and family, and I get by at work because I can solve some problems that no one else can. I used to wonder why other people worked so hard to get ahead when I was happy just getting by. Now I know it's just part of my personality - I accept it.
 
I never understood the working so hard to get ahead either. So many co-workers of mine took second jobs so they could get a time share, which they could only use at certain times and they were too busy working to be able to enjoy it or anything else.
I'm happy to float.
 
Now I'd describe just like that! :p That also explains why I'm told I'm cute so often! :D Doggy-paddling around, always slightly lost, whatever that means. :eek:
 
Running harder and harder so I don't fall even further behind than I would if I didn't run as hard. Then superior people zoom past in their Lamborghinis and yell "run faster, you loser!" out the window as they race by. Every so often somebody tries to run me over only to swerve at the last minute, then the driver and his supermodel passenger laugh and she says "nah, remember how much you had to pay to repair the Huracan after you squashed the last one? Totally not worth the money." Did I mention the ones who shoot at me with a gold plated Glock as they drive by, and then say "darn, missed again". By now I am planning to go hide in the forest somewhere out of sightseeing range.
 
Pats said:
Swimming seems to come so easy for others and I can only doggie paddle so I can't keep up with the others, I'm more likely to drown because you can only doggie paddle for very short periods of time and, hopefully able to float when I'm out in the deep and can't paddle another stroke.
Click to expand...

Is it wrong that I have an overwhelming urge to, with no irony whatsoever, tell you that the backstroke is way easier and more efficient than doggie paddling?
 
oregano said:
Running harder and harder so I don't fall even further behind than I would if I didn't run as hard. Then superior people zoom past in their Lamborghinis and yell "run faster, you loser!" out the window as they race by. Every so often somebody tries to run me over only to swerve at the last minute, then the driver and his supermodel passenger laugh and she says "nah, remember how much you had to pay to repair the Huracan after you squashed the last one? Totally not worth the money." Did I mention the ones who shoot at me with a gold plated Glock as they drive by, and then say "darn, missed again". By now I am planning to go hide in the forest somewhere out of sightseeing range.
Click to expand...

I'm definitely a fan of hiding in the forest. Dinojuicemobiles were never my thing...

But you did get me thinking.

I used to describe my life as kind of like that Indiana Jones scene where the floor is falling out from underneath you and you have to keep jumping to the tiles that aren't collapsed yet. You know each jump is easy enough to do, but the hallway seems like it never ends and no sooner do you land on the next tile that it starts to collapse under you and you have to jump again.

Or, since I started mountain biking, I would sometimes say that it felt like a downhill run that never ended. I had to be hypervigilant at all times to react to the stones and tree roots that came flying at me at breakneck speed. My brakes could only slow me down, but I never had a piece of flat ground to stop completely on and while I enjoyed the thrill and was incredibly skilled on the bike, and even though every moment of the downhill I felt like my skills improved which was awesome, I was just so very tired and really, really wanted to dismount and rest.

I've found that my boyfriend can provide me with that rest that I crave. He is the safe space for me that I didn't know existed in the world. Suddenly I feel (felt*) like it is possible to take life in manageable chunks instead of jumping off the ledge and just hoping I survive. I even feel like I can take a deep breath of fresh air and actually enjoy my life instead of constantly trying to solve the puzzle of whatever task is at hand. At least, I know I felt like that when I was with him. I won't see him again for 7 weeks and 3 days and it's been this contrast of being without him that has got me all twisted up now.
 
I like @Pinkie B 's description in another thread of 'playing life on a harder setting.' For me it's been mostly about survival and rising from my ashes like a phoenix after being struck down. I used to have a phoenix avatar for this reason.
 
Blustered my way through so far.

Found myself in situations (of my own making) and for the most part, found what I needed to scrape through.

Can't help but (loosely) feel I've been the effects of my life and not the cause.
I'm not at all sorry about that either.

It's exciting though,
to realise I can be 'the cause' if I choose to. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom