1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Does this happen to anyone else?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by BrokenBoy, Jan 11, 2019.

  1. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

    Messages:
    217
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2018
    Karma:
    +360
    I have realized that there are certain IRL or online that I think are cool and I wanna be their friend and hang out.

    And for some reason I end up having fantasies and daydreams about becoming their friend and hanging out together.

    However I am too shy on average(with some exceptions) to actually considering trying to talk to them and I only end up doing it when they start talking to me first. However these conversations are kinda neutral and don't end up with me being their friend. They don't seem to hate me or like me, they just seem neutral towards me.

    Anyone else going through this?
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2019
    • Friendly Friendly x 6
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Monachopia

    Monachopia ...spiral out... keep going. V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    360
    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2018
    Karma:
    +863
    Yeah, I've had this all my life. I have wonderful friendships with many people... in my head. It never goes anywhere, I never have those conversations, I can never actually act normal like I see in my mind's eye around them, they are neutral towards me and I'm always the weird person.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. Graphin

    Graphin Serial conversation killer V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    533
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2018
    Karma:
    +669
    In a very similar sense.
    By talking up to one of them, I found the first aspie, realized that in myself, recognized the abuse of my parents, amongst other things.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  4. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,888
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Karma:
    +9,588
    Yes. People tend to keep me at arm's length and deal with me on a neutral or superficial level, they don't want to get involved. I don't really get to know people, and other people don't get to know me, and it is hard to find friends or have meaningful relationships with people beyond the superficial. I really don't see the point of this superficial interaction. As a teenager or young person I found it frustrating at times, but I prefer it that way now, I don't feel I need to make new friends IRL.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
  5. DiverseWonderland

    DiverseWonderland I can do anything!

    Messages:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2018
    Karma:
    +50
    Yea I can relate, I will fantasize about making friends with a person or other things but as far as doing it I have a harder time with that.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  6. Otenba

    Otenba Maverick

    Messages:
    304
    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2018
    Karma:
    +414
    Can definitely relate. Wish I had something helpful to say to deal with it. People I've told about it just tell me "forget them" when it's almost everyone. I'll never make any decent pals with that attitude. :/
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
  7. Nervous Rex

    Nervous Rex High-functioning autistic V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2017
    Karma:
    +2,820
    This.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,843
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +3,303
    If it helps at all, I do the opposite and it has never turned out badly. Not that I remember... :eek:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,208
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Karma:
    +774
    Happens to me all the time. Happens to many people. I think many people on the spectrum make a bigger deal about it than others. Partly because we don't or haven't had those deep connections others have been able to form. Or, some others who don't have those deep connections are too gregarious and people are inclined to like them as they are and they know they can ask others for help.

    Best way we can manage our own social concerns in these kind of scenarios is just keep trying interest groups and talking to different people in small groups and/or 1-1 as much as we feasibly can. Don't expect a person to come to you. If it does, try to make "the magic" happen. If not, it's okay to try initiating yourself if you feel comfortable. If you get no results, don't stick around. Move on and look for other people or things to do. When you can show others that you don't need to depend on them for social comfort, especially if you're involved or an expert in something and you're doing that something, some people can become naturally attracted to that confidence and independence of activity, socially. Good luck to all.
     
    • Like Like x 1