Does this annoy you too?

[Autistic Yoda]

Does anyone else mind being asked how you're doing, by people who clearly have zero reason to actually care how you're doing? They're not really asking, and you're not expected to answer honestly. You know you're supposed to say 'good', 'fine', or similar. But maybe, like me, you refuse to lie on cue to complete a meaningless ritual of insincerity, all to humor a person you won't even remember next month. I'll say 'reasonable'. Or I'll just reply with a simple "hi.", which sometimes surprises and confuses the ultra-robotic types. (Input error! He didn't say "good"! Malfunction. Can't process, must repeat the query!)

As people on the spectrum, we tend to take other people's words too literally. And dishonesty? That's a last resort, not something we're inclined to perform on cue. Customer service employees are instructed to ask this of everyone. And uncreative types use it as a conversation opener. It's considered basic politeness, sure, but why not greet people honestly instead?

No one has ever agreed with me instantly when I make this point. But if there's any place where others might already completely get my meaning, it's probably right here.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I cast my vote as "polite and friendly" for the simple reason that, for most people, I believe this sort of greeting as "polite and friendly". I'm going to appreciate the gesture and recognition (as opposed to silence or being "ghosted"). I'm not going concern myself whether this is some sort of "ritual" or not, nor am I concerned whether it is actually sincere (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't).

I do understand where you are coming from, but I am not going to be one to question a "polite and friendly" behavior when it is thrown my way. I am not going to analyze whether it was sincere or not.

There's a lot of masking that all humans do in social situations. We often hide our true selves for the sake of polite and friendly discourse. For those who think they want absolute honesty, transparency in thought, to read another's thoughts, I would say, "Think again". We would never get along and probably would have killed each other off millennia ago.

 

[NB79]

I think is just a way of greeting, they don't expect you to tell your problems or even say 'fine' you could say 'How are you?' back and it would be ok.

 

[Forest Cat]

I understand what you mean, I think it's easier to handle if you simply look at it like a conversation starter or just a friendly greeting. It's just something people do, I say "Hi how are you doing", you say "fine, how about you", I say "I'm doing ok" and now we have broken the ice. If we over-analyze it, it can get annoying. It's just a simple greeting.

 

[Outdated]

I didn't bother to vote. It's part of a standard greeting protocol, a simple method of strangers letting each other know that they are friendly and willing to chat. If things like that worry you then I imagine you also have severe social anxiety and struggle to connect with people.

To me this seems to be more the result of poor parenting than anything to do with autism and is perhaps something you should discuss with a therapist.

 

[Misty Avich]

A stranger has never asked how I'm doing today. Why would they?

 

[NB79]

A stranger has never asked how I'm doing today. Why would they?

YEs, usually this is used with people who met before or talked before.

 

[Misty Avich]

YEs, usually this is used with people who met before or talked before.

Well in that case I like being acknowledged, because it boosts my self-esteem.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

It used to make me uncomfortable, but once I figured out it was an important social lubricant I was okay with it coming from others. It is also a tool I can use to my advantage when coping with social situations.

 

[thejuice]

I'm usually happy if someone is taking an interest. A lot of rude servers out here, won't even make eye contact or say anything. Just a "what do you want" attitude. I might have a social disability but I was raised to be polite. I don't mind if I don't want to talk if I'm in oscar the grouch mode. When I was young it took me a while to adjust to strangers being friendlier in foreign countries.

 

[thejuice]

YEs, usually this is used with people who met before or talked before.

I agree. A stranger might say "Hi how are you?" "How are you doing today" sounds more like a literal, interested question. So the vote is going to be skewed.

 

[thejuice]

I went into a local pub and the landlord came over to my table and asked me how was I doing today, now that's a good landlord

 

[kriss72]

It freaks me out every time I'm getting that question - starting a debate in my head on how to answer every time....

 

[kriss72]

To me this seems to be more the result of poor parenting than anything to do with autism

It's probably individual, but couldn't it also be about taking everything more literally than intended, like all the sayings, raining cats and dogs etc.. I always get a mental picture of the literal thing, and then go ohh... no it means this or that (also for sayings in my native language)

 

[Mary Terry]

When people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say "better than I deserve". They usually laugh.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I'm generally neutral at best and refuse to casually lie, so my go-to answers are "Within operational parameters", "Exceptionally fair to midling", "Extremely so-so", or "Better than a 2 x 4 in the face".
My choice as to which. And fun to see the responses on their faces.

 

[DrBadStrings]

a meaningless ritual of insincerity,

It annoys me and catches me off guard because I do take things literally and never know what to say.

Which ultimately amuses me at this point because I understand the function of it and it's not a "meaningless ritual of insincerity". It is just a customary social interaction to acknowledge the other persons presence. It's serving a purpose, but the words are never meant to be taken literally. There in lies the rub for the literal minded. There are many variations of the words but it's not the words the matter.

It's the human equivalent of dogs sniffing each others asses when they meet. We are still animals as much as we'd like to think otherwise.

 

[Xinyta]

I have not thought too hard on this. Though alot of it has to do with me people pleasing out of panic or just wanting to respond kindly in return. But I find what is said here true, on two fronts. In myself more so, and in others to a lesser extent.

My Uncle is the exception to this, because he does care about my well being.

But I have found myself doing it. Despite not caring. And I can only assume it's this way with certain others. Total strangers namely. But you know. It is kinda annoying. It makes me think, in this moment, of responses like: "Do I know you?" and "Why do you care?". But that maybe also me thinking with my internal bitterness.

But on days where I feel particularly full of anxiety and/or depression. I'll just not say anything.

 

[Judge]

I just perceive it as a cultural type of greeting. NEVER a serious inquiry into my actual well-being at a given time and place. So I usually respond with equal insincerity saying, "I'm fine".

Does this annoy me? Of course. Do I show that it annoys me? Nope.

So does this understanding make me an honorary NT? Nope.

 

[thejuice]

There's certain greetings that caught me off guard, speechless and out of touch the first time I heard them..

Sup
What's good?
Easyyy?

I found mimicry to be the easiest solution