MrSpock
Live long and prosper
As some of you know I've spent quite a bit of the last year and a half in a strange relationship/friendship with a woman who I like a lot. I wish it were more than a friendship, and I think that part of her does, too. She doesn't know what she wants a lot of the time, she's admitted as much to me.
She has suffered abuse from family and from men, I doubt that she's been in a non-abusive relationship before. She admits that she has defences, has told me about avoiding setting them off. It's possible that what I'm about to write about is due to her defences, but it may also be due to my unusual (in an NT world) focus on what I'm interested in. She really interests me.
She has often complained that I am obsessed with her. I think about her too much, I like her too much, I find her more attractive than she 'really is'. When we are together I sometimes look at her too admiringly. We can sometimes not see each other for a week or two, then when we do get together I don't want to leave, will spend days in a row with her and as a result I'm 'trying too hard'. Yet in some ways apparently I don't try hard enough. I don't see my 'obsession' with her as unhealthy or unusual, but then I guess I tend to become very focussed on things that interest me compared to NT's.
If this is a result of her defences I don't expect you to explain this to me, her defences are myriad and formidable. It may be a result of her low self-esteem, I believe that part of her may not consider herself worthy of such attention from someone she has acknowledged as being a very good person. However I do wonder if many autistic people experience this, I wonder if maybe it's not so much her defences but a 'normal' reaction to the way in which an aspie (myself in this case) focusses on the object of his crush?
Any relevant thoughts would be appreciated, even if this friendship (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't go anywhere I want to learn from it. Hopefully others of us on here will learn from this discussion too.
She has suffered abuse from family and from men, I doubt that she's been in a non-abusive relationship before. She admits that she has defences, has told me about avoiding setting them off. It's possible that what I'm about to write about is due to her defences, but it may also be due to my unusual (in an NT world) focus on what I'm interested in. She really interests me.
She has often complained that I am obsessed with her. I think about her too much, I like her too much, I find her more attractive than she 'really is'. When we are together I sometimes look at her too admiringly. We can sometimes not see each other for a week or two, then when we do get together I don't want to leave, will spend days in a row with her and as a result I'm 'trying too hard'. Yet in some ways apparently I don't try hard enough. I don't see my 'obsession' with her as unhealthy or unusual, but then I guess I tend to become very focussed on things that interest me compared to NT's.
If this is a result of her defences I don't expect you to explain this to me, her defences are myriad and formidable. It may be a result of her low self-esteem, I believe that part of her may not consider herself worthy of such attention from someone she has acknowledged as being a very good person. However I do wonder if many autistic people experience this, I wonder if maybe it's not so much her defences but a 'normal' reaction to the way in which an aspie (myself in this case) focusses on the object of his crush?
Any relevant thoughts would be appreciated, even if this friendship (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't go anywhere I want to learn from it. Hopefully others of us on here will learn from this discussion too.