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Featured Does Having Intelligence Make It Difficult Connecting With People?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by The Penguin, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    This topic been on my mind for a while, does having intelligence make it difficult connecting with people? To a degree, I think it can be depending on the person personality.

    Many people don't get me as I normally can find a better ways to do things.

    Some of these people like taking the easy way out. However, I'm not that type of person which can result into more conflicts connecting with people.

    Depending on the person intelligence could lead them to great opportunities and potentially make a great income. But still, while the person can make great contribution to society, they can't really relate to society to a social level. Like myself. All employers I worked for know I do a dam great job developing software. But when it comes to clients social events, I just can't connect to anyone at all. During break and lunch time for last year event, I did everything I can to hide so I don't need to speak to anyone.

    For new or existing people I meet, I could have an idea that can make their life better but normally they ignore my idea. Since this is an ongoing thing, I decided to stop doing this and keep things to myself to use for my own advantage.
     
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  2. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

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    Well, I could say I have some hard time. I really don't have many friends, maybe two but we have been getting far and far. Sometimes I get a really hard time bacause I have so ocd with ethics and work, for example as a college student I always keep listening to others they just want to pass the test and not even care for learning, while I'm almost the opposite, I like to pass obviously but my work ethics makes me a perfecctionist and want to learn. Just like an hour ago I was talking with my colleagues and well I got a little stressed and maybe talked to much like things I find offensive to me on that subject, I'm now very anxious and self-aware, I asked a friend who was there if I sounded very "cocky" or as we say paint in the a+s+s, he told me to take it easy, be cool but idk I'm too slef-aware.

    In other subjects my restricted interests make a very hard to talk to someone, I like to talk about something specific and interesting, not gossip any c+r+a+p, I don't care about soccer (the most popular sport here) or celebrities.
     
  3. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    I find gossip is one of the worst topics society enjoys for some reason? The more employees works for a company, the worse it can get. Happy these things don't happen at my job. Well it is not possible when it only me and my boss and my boss rarely at the office. Also, he is not the gossip type of person.
     
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  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I would say so.

    I used to hate lunch breaks. Would still if in that situation.

    In the NT world, being social is the be all and end all of what getting on, is all about. Also, being able to understand jokes.

    I read something yesterday that said it all. Someone (name escapes me), said that the US president is STUPID because he is lousy at social gatherings and can't understand jokes. In truth, I do wonder if he has aspergers?

    I used to get glowing reports for my work, because I put my all into it. I rather keep working than break for lunch. The social interaction freaks me out, even today.

    I also sense that intelligence in women are frowned upon by even women. I an no way a computer wiz, but can negotiate my way around technical problems. I had one guy say recently. You are a bit of a techy, aren't you? I had a female recently say: you can stop appearing intelligent now!

    I now know how to change a wheel. I was out with another woman and she discovered that one of the wheels had a flat. I asked her if she can change wheels and she said that she leaves it to her husband. I said: but suppose you cannot get in touch with him and we were too far, we would have to change the wheel ourselves? She agreed, but said not in her clothes. So, if I am ever blessed with a car, I will always have gloves and an overall in the car, as well as the jack.

    I am not a femminist; but do believe one should be prepared.

    How on earth did that get around to wheel changing lol
     
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  5. xudo

    xudo something and nothing

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    I think it can be. Some people sort of see you as boring or 'too intelligent'...like as if you couldn't possibly just hold a normal conversation (which I sometimes can't, but not because of intelligence haha) because you'd be bored or it would somehow be below you. Whereas if they actually bothered to engage you in conversation they'd probably find the opposite was true.
     
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  6. abby normal

    abby normal Well-Known Member

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    not specifically due to above-average intelligence but it seems I have no rapport with most other folk.
     
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  7. janie

    janie Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sounds like you have genuinely valuable ideas to contribute. Yours to use as you may or may not. Also, it may be that ideas shared are more clear to the speaker. The speaker operates with, and refers to a cognitive model already designed in mind, that is clear as clean digital images. The receiver, perhaps never before considering such a picture, has no reference point how to appreciate its beauty and potential to assist them/their situation/their work. Language sets ceilings that wield concussion force.
     
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  8. yotimbo

    yotimbo Member

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    The reason NTs gossip is the same reason chimpanzees groom other troop members, because humans are the masters of communication its how they groom one another to strengthen clan or tribal membership. Theres a paper about it online called dunbar gossip, check it out its a fascinating read
     
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  9. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat

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    i dont think having generic intelligence makes you more socially awkward or such like ,i have intellectual disability and i am extremely asocial and awkward around people as i struggle to communicate and interact with them,let alone understand them,i think when you have a lot of generic intelligence,all the people of average intelligence will judge you for that and think you are being snobby and arrogant,so that in itself could cause social issues.
     
  10. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    I haven't acted this way one around anyone. In fact, for the most part, I don't say much to anyone due to socializing can be a challenge for me. I do know another reason me not connecting with most is people have a high interest being part of the norm. The Intelligence part got me thinking another factor having issues connecting with people. This does not mean for me to connect with someone , they must have a certain amount of intelligence, but at the same time, I would have no interest being around someone intentionally being a moron.
     
  11. janie

    janie Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I appreciate the referral to the article about dunbar gossip, yotimbo. I will def check that out.
     
  12. janie

    janie Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Fascinating stuff about dunbar gossip for sure, yotimbo, "Dunbar’s original and extremely interesting studies suggest otherwise: that language in fact evolved in response to our need to keep up to date with friends and family. We needed conversation to stay in touch, and we still need it in ways that will not be satisfied by teleconferencing, email, or any other communication technology. As Dunbar shows, the impersonal world of cyberspace will not fulfill our primordial need for face-to-face contact." Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language — Robin Dunbar | Harvard University Press
    I look forward to learning and reading more when time allows. Thanks again!
     
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  13. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    In the case of we on the spectrum, I'm inclined to believe there's usually not a lot of parity between our inherent intelligence and our ability to communicate. That they can be quite mutually exclusive of one another.

    When we are likely to have a very narrow and intense scope of subjects we choose to discuss, yes in all likelihood it can be awkward for the other person who may not be able to keep up and probably doesn't even want to. Regardless of neurological differences. Yet this dynamic isn't dependent on the inherent intelligence of either party.

    Conversely where our neurological differences can be glaringly obvious is when conversation flows in a very nebulous fashion. Or as I like to say, "much about nothing". Where my intellect doesn't help me much, and I get flustered or bored attempting to maintain a conversation I personally find pointless.

    I've had engaging conversations with people who had IQs in the 90s who really grasped areas of personal expertise which I had nominal understanding of at best. Where it was me who struggled to keep up with the conversation- not them. But because it was a very narrow and technical discussion it kept my interest. The perceived intelligence of either of us didn't matter under the circumstances.

    So for me subject matter and scope are far more important than any perceived notion of inherent intelligence.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2017
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  14. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    I admit I do have my narrow interest.

    I do have interest in hiking which a decent amount of people have this interest. My business advisory suggested a hiking group. I felt this would't work for me as I go out to explore nature and document it with my camera while most hiking groups is for the experiencing and social part. The social part don't interest me. I could study a nature area for hours which would't flow well with most hiking groups which is why hiking for me is better suited alone.
     
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  15. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Most of us would likely agree. I have mine as well. And yet I tried the social club thing and came up utterly unfulfilled. Sharing my hobby just didn't do anything, even though I had this sense of needing to "push" myself socially. They just didn't interest me enough to remain in the group.

    But this thing called "autism" likely got in the way. My bad. o_O

    I'm still pursuing my hobbies...without the feedback or pressure of others. I'm good!
     
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  16. Hidden_1

    Hidden_1 Member

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    I finally learned to accept the fact than most people have a very different set of priorities than I do. Joining in social activities or conversations has no attraction for me. For years I tried to "fit in" but rarely had any long-term success. I found that as I became more accepted, I began to "drop my shields" and allow my true self some freedom - only to antagonize the groups I had been accepted by. All this was before learning about Asperger's and while I was still trying to earn a living. Now I'm retired and almost never interact with people other than my wife and I'm very much happier than I ever was before.
     
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  17. Jusdifferent

    Jusdifferent Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh, most certainly.
    [​IMG]
     
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  18. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat

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    hi penguin,does this mean you see yourself as one of the average IQ people and not in the higher range?
    i dont know if its just england but there has always been negative treatment towards either: people with intellectual disability OR people who are intellectualy gifted.
    i heard a lot of verbal bullying against smart kids in my junior school ,and my aspie sister whose IQ was 135 was bullied by my mums family as they all felt she was 'stuck up',posh,arrogant etc as she has a big vocabulary,i actually felt sorry for her but the dads side of the family all loved her,theyre all mega intelligent people.
    sorry,i have waffled on.
     
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  19. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    I honestly don't know my IQ level and don't have much understanding of the numbers. Besides I know it something to measure intelligence, that all I know.

    Having an intellectual disability, in my case language based learning disability, I had my fear share of problems growing up in Canada. Despite having issues with my father, he did everything he could so I can have equal opportunities. Something I'm thankful for and glad he thought for. I am glad I was able to continue to do this for my own when I was older.

    I didn't have high grades in school before starting college. However, I did had almost a perfect GPA when I was in college studying my trade as a software developer. Though I don't brag about my GPA.

    I don't consider myself a better person of my intelligence. In general, almost anyone can have intelligence in something if they wanted to.

    For me creating this post was more communications struggles, not about saying I'm better than others over my intelligence.
     
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  20. cory

    cory Well-Known Member

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    I read something recently about iq. It can open doors for you but in and of itself means little beyond that. So, born with a very low social feel, intelligence has helped me sort through that and pass as NT. At times its made me arrogant and offensive towards those around me. It's opened up economic doors that otherwise would be closed to me. Perhaps my best lesson on intelligence was when I entered graduate school...and went from the smartest person in the room to average or below average. I gained humility when I saw how the top of the class treated me and others. I have some things underdeveloped and some things overdeveloped. Iq is learning the difference.
     
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