Does anyone have a parent or relative who is constantly negative and mean to you?

[Frostee]

My father as I have said is always grumpy, ranting and just plain old rude with me, particularly me.

My father will light on me out of nowhere, for no reason several times a day. He’s constantly discouraging me from going for my goals or aspirations and runs down my hobbies and interests. For ex, he called my interest in genealogy a “round and round” stupid obsession.

He is, all in all, very negative and mean to me. His anger is nearly always directed at me. I don’t quite understand why to be honest.

Does anyone else have to deal with this on a daily basis?

 

[Trophonius]

I was called "lazy", "retard", "idiot", "donkey" on a daily basis by an old grandmother for not complying with rather unreasonable expectations, e.g: men should be married with children at age 20.

I was not the only one who had the opportunity to enjoy her bitterness, as every member of the family was exposed to it at some point. Naturally, everyone decided to put distance as soon as they could. Eventually I moved out too.

 

[Frostee]

I was called "lazy", "retard", "idiot", "donkey" on a daily basis by an old grandmother for not complying with rather unreasonable expectations, e.g: men should be married with children at age 20.

I was not the only one who had the opportunity to enjoy her bitterness, as every member of the family was exposed to it at some point. Naturally, everyone decided to put distance as soon as they could. Eventually I moved out too.

Why do you think she had this attitude?

 

[Trophonius]

Why do you think she had this attitude?

It would take a team of experienced psychologists to find out the cause.

From what I know she was adopted and pretty much kept as servant. Later she was given to a man 35 years older than her for marriage. The relationship was chaotic, but they had a few children. Upon the death of the husband, she became owner of his house and possessions, and her behavior was more than ever authoritarian, with both her children and later the grandchildren as well: comply or leave. And they couldn't leave, so everyone had to do as she said and be her servants (this is for the time being, her children).
Eventually the children got partners and their relationship with her mother became even more chaotic, as they would no longer give her the attention she demanded: 24/7. They were kicked out of the house, some of them more than once.

And I believe from then on her anger increased just like a vicious circle: nobody wanted to be in presence of her toxic behavior and would put some distance, she would consider all of them ungrateful and evil, which in turn would make everyone to be less in contact with her.

 

[Major Tom]

Yes, in my case it's my wife. It sucks, but there's not all too much I can do about it unless I start crapping bricks of gold.

 

[Alexej]

I am looking at the possibility that a member of the family is a narcissist. Not a nice word, but neither is the behaviour.
Not saying that that is the case for you, but just putting it out there

 

[Frostee]

I am looking at the possibility that a member of the family is a narcissist. Not a nice word, but neither is the behaviour.
Not saying that that is the case for you, but just putting it out there

This is something that has crossed my mind with the manipulative behaviour.

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I used to have similar problems with my brother, but he has a wife that is meaner to him than he ever was to me. But I suggest that if you want to make him stop you record some incidents and get ahold of Adult Protective services if you are in the US. they will make sure you don't have any problems again.

 

[Gracey]

I used to. Growing up, while still living at home.
At the time I couldn't understand why.

In some respects and in some instances,
On being met with negativity had me dig my heels in harder. More determined to go ahead and do ... whatever...
(I'd bliddy show them I could achieve or do ... whatever)

In some other instances, it could feel pretty soul destroying. Chipping away at confidence and self esteem.

When I reached a point of thinking little I did would gain any sort of approval from relatives,
I stopped making it all about their approval,
and more about what I wanted.
I took me until about the age of twenty to do this.

After all this is my life I'm living, not theirs.
My future, my jobs, my interests, my consequences to my actions,
not theirs.

 

[Frostee]

Another example, father is washing everyone else’s car. I ask, and am told that I have to wash it myself.

 

[Alexej]

Another example, father is washing everyone else’s car. I ask, and am told that I have to wash it myself.

Presumably there is lots of Kudos for him in doing this and he is highly regarded by others for his kindness

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Another example, father is washing everyone else’s car. I ask, and am told that I have to wash it myself.

Might this not just be another situation where everyone else works full time but you don't? You have the time to wash your own car when presumably your mum and sister don't. Or maybe it's just sexism.

 

[Bolletje]

My sister was consistently mean to me when she was a teenager. Luckily she grew out of it, because it did not make for a pleasant atmosphere at home. I know now she was that way because she was very insecure and competitive. She felt like I was effortlessly better than her in many things, so her solution was to put me down while trying very hard to outshine me in every way.
We’re both adults in our thirties now and she has come to accept that we are very different people with differing talents and abilities. We both shine in our own way.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

My father as I have said is always grumpy, ranting and just plain old rude with me, particularly me.

My father will light on me out of nowhere, for no reason several times a day. He’s constantly discouraging me from going for my goals or aspirations and runs down my hobbies and interests. For ex, he called my interest in genealogy a “round and round” stupid obsession.

He is, all in all, very negative and mean to me. His anger is nearly always directed at me. I don’t quite understand why to be honest.

Does anyone else have to deal with this on a daily basis?

my mother is extremely negative towards me.every little thing that i do or say,she gets mad about it,anything from whatever number of years ago i bring up,she gets mad.she even makes me watch her mimick me on whatever that i doing.she even fusses about me doing every small thing that i do that she sees as unecessary,along with rushing me to be on point with everything that i may not quick enough for & every time i try to say something back to her & gets me to try new things that may not interest me.it makes me want to say something back to her,causing me to vent my behavioral frustration on her..

 

[unperson]

My mother was an orphan and a narcissist, and mostly I recall her as relentlessly negative and humourless.

Once when she was old, I mentioned the relentless negativity to her (a lot of people avoided her, she could be very draining to be around, like most negative people) and she said 'but you only remember the bad times' and I replied 'well, what were the good times, Lee?'

I think I developed a sense of humour out of it.

 

[Gift2humanity]

My father as I have said is always grumpy, ranting and just plain old rude with me, particularly me.

My father will light on me out of nowhere, for no reason several times a day. He’s constantly discouraging me from going for my goals or aspirations and runs down my hobbies and interests. For ex, he called my interest in genealogy a “round and round” stupid obsession.

He is, all in all, very negative and mean to me. His anger is nearly always directed at me. I don’t quite understand why to be honest.

Does anyone else have to deal with this on a daily basis?

Have you considered that he might have narcissistic personality disorder?
You need to keep away from negative people.
Find a way to move out, you do not need people like that sucking your soul.
You don't have to hate or resent him, just put distance between you and him, it will help you flourish.

 

[Gift2humanity]

For everyone dealing with negative people, get as far away from them as possible, they will try to steal your essence.

 

[Gift2humanity]

my mother is extremely negative towards me.every little thing that i do or say,she gets mad about it,anything from whatever number of years ago i bring up,she gets mad.she even makes me watch her mimick me on whatever that i doing.she even fusses about me doing every small thing that i do that she sees as unecessary,along with rushing me to be on point with everything that i may not quick enough for & every time i try to say something back to her & gets me to try new things that may not interest me.it makes me want to say something back to her,causing me to vent my behavioral frustration on her..

Sorry you feel so angry. Please do not hate her, people as unhappy as she is need pity. She is behaving this way because of how SHE feels, miserable, nothing to do with you, although she will convince you otherwise, do not believe her. Try to get away from her negative influence, it will help you grow in confidence.
Resenting her will hurt you, it will not make a difference to her.

 

[tducey]

I'm lucky to have a relatively strong support group. To anyone who doesn't realize those who criticize you, it's their problem not yours.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Sorry you feel so angry. Please do not hate her, people as unhappy as she is need pity. She is behaving this way because of how SHE feels, miserable, nothing to do with you, although she will convince you otherwise, do not believe her. Try to get away from her negative influence, it will help you grow in confidence.
Resenting her will hurt you, it will not make a difference to her.

yeah,by going behind her back with doing whatever that i plan to do that relates to money,she wants to do for me