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Featured Doctors and patients dating

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Charoúmenos, Sep 29, 2020.

  1. Charoúmenos

    Charoúmenos New Member

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    Dating between doctors and patients, between psychologists and clients is controversial. Well, I'm aiming to get the law changed in the UK so it's allowed. I've written an article that's been published which explores the issue. I'm considering getting a petition started at some point.

    Someone for Everyone? by Ashley Formby – Asylum Magazine

    I could tell you some stories. I've had professional women flirt with me, one of them who was helping me had a Freudian slip that indicated she had sexual thoughts about me. In a hospital one time a psychiatrist while interviewing me rubbed my stomach while smiling mischievously. Another female psychiatrist I saw asked me a string of questions about sex and how I felt about women unprompted, when I hadn't been talking about anything related to that at all, asking me questions like "I bet you'd like a woman, wouldn't you?" I had a therapist who would cry during sessions with me and would comment on the clothes I was wearing, she also smiled excessively when I talked, seeming to be attached to me.

    All this I tell you because I think it shows that professionals often have feelings in professional relationships that are not confined by professionalism. I have felt romantic feelings for a few professionals too. I think it's cruel to both the professional and the client that neither can explore them -- if both are over the age of consent. But I explore more in the article so have a read.

    If you like the article, share it on social media. :D
     
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  2. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Are you sure you're not an aspiring Stand-up Comedian? These things exist for a reason. Same with Doctor-Patient Confidentiality Laws.

    This will never ever fly.
     
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  3. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Doctor-patient relationships are often bad news. Psych-patient relationships even more so. Same reason that teacher-student relationships are generally frowned upon and middle-aged men going after teenage girls are considered predators. The power imbalance between the partners is just too great. A Svengali-like control develops over the dependent partner.

    Not saying it can't work. A corporate CEO dating their doctor is not a power imbalance. April-September romances have worked. But when one partner is in a state of physical or psychological dependency on the other it usually doesn't work well for the junior partner. Ethically, such professionals have a fiduciary duty not to get emotionally involved lest they exert undue influence and dominance over the other.
     
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  4. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sorry, but there has to be boundries in place and those supposed professionals, should be cautioned. Yes, sure that it gives you an ego boost, as it would me, if my therapist did similar, but in fact, it would also be COMPLETELY counterproductive.

    I am a surivivor of sexual molestation as a child ( father) and so, it is very easy for me to bounce into flirting mode and my therapist would be very wrong to take advantage of that and it would complicate things.

    I once saw a female therapist, who stared at me for the whole session and then said: you like me, don't you? You have sexual feelings for me? It FREAKED me out and no, not because she was accurate. If anything she made me so uncomortable that I stood up and said that in fact, I did not like her and would not be seeing her again. Of course, she said that I was denying my feelings. I should have reported her!
     
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Do you know if shes still practicing she needs to be reported it's dangerous
     
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  6. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Happened to me many many many years ago, when I was in my 20's and now I am sadly soon to be 51. I did not have the inner strength to even think of reporting her, but perhaps, someone else did, if that was her habit.
     
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  7. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree that those rules are set up for a reason. The vast majority of professionals are professional and take patient responsibility seriously. It's a fact however, that certain people in professional fields exploit their positions in a sexually predatory manner. That can be health professional to patients, professor to university students, etc. I don't think it would be a good idea to remove such restrictions and allow predators to run amok.
     
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  8. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

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    I agree it would be more than just risky. The pt and dr would have different goals.

    The pt night actually fall in LOVE while the dr might be out for a kick. Think how that would hurt a fragile person. Think of the thought processes, like, "Wow, they like me! They love me!" and the obsessions/infatuation/seriously planning a future they may think will happen that could ensue ...............all the while the therapist is doing it to others and just wanting to feel a new body for 30 minutes.

    Imagine how hard it would be for the pt to unravel all those thoughts, how much time it would take, additional therapy, shame, trust---------meanwhile the dr does not even have a single alteration of their own thoughts. The pt is just PART of their thinking while , to a fragile pt, the dr could consume 75% of their thoughts if not more!
     
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  9. Creep

    Creep Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

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    Gross. I hate doctors.:)
     
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  10. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was a mature student of nineteen when I attended my first university night class. That semester I managed one literature course as a try out to see if I could do it. The Professor was in his fifties. I handed in my first assigment, a paper on a short story of Tolstoy's. The Prof later handed back all the papers graded except for mine. I was terrified that I had made some major error and he would fail me on the spot or tell me I should leave the class. After class he asked me to meet him the following evening at the Teacher's lounge so I could have my paper back.

    Met him that next night, there he was at a table with a drink for me. Sitting down he began to tell me how talented and beautiful I was (I'm ordinary looking). Finally I managed to speak, astounded at his behaviour. "Where's my paper?" He pulled it out of his briefcase and handed it to me, with a B- written on it. "Not so talented then" I said. You have real potential, he said. "Potential for what?" As a writer, he said. I passed that course with a B- that year, and I never looked him in the face again.

    I can tell you many of these stories, that circumvented plans and dreams in my life. As a result of predatory behaviour on the part of teachers, bosses. Who used their positions of authority to attempt some sort of relationship that was unwanted and unasked for.
     
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  11. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Your story (sorry it happened to you) is case in point as to why that disparity in power wouldn't be a good idea to allow to happen. Doubtful that you were the first woman that professor came on to and doubtful you were the last.

    Also, the fact that he met you in the Teacher's Lounge is shameful for the fact that that kind of predatory behavior was commonplace enough for him and probably others like him to prey on students in the open like that. Shameful for the school as well.
     
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  12. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Agreed, he was not the only professor to attempt such a thing at Concordia. Think it was because I'm autistic and was naive, and expected professional behaviour.
    Each time it occurred I switched majors or minors. It seems that that particular department was notorious for such things, and it was well-known. But not by me at the time.
     
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  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I’m a doctor and I would never ever make a move on a patient. It’s gross professional misconduct, it violates my ethics code and it violates the trust between patient and doctor. I’m not at work to get my rocks off, I’m at work to do my job and treat my patients. Sure, I’ve had an attractive patient once or twice, but so what? I see attractive people on the bus sometimes and I don’t have to chase them either. There’s a time and a place for that, and mixing business with pleasure is a recipe for disaster when you’re someone’s physician.

    Don’t get me wrong, I like sex and I have no problem with casual sex between consenting adults. But if you can’t or won’t control your urges, you shouldn’t be working in a job where you’ll be in a position of power over others (such as doctor, therapist, professor or coach)
     
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  14. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    That's asking for trouble. If you can't or won't understand this I don't see much luck for you in the future.

    Rules and standards are in place for a reason. They're not going to change because of your romantic whims or appeal to logic.
     
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  15. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    I think you very likely are misinterpreting the professional's intentions. Maybe projecting your own sexual thoughts and believing that many actions of them have a sexual undertone when in fact they hadn't and were casually said or done.

    Is this you, by any chance?
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2020
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  16. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    It would seem that way.
     
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  17. Joshua Aaron

    Joshua Aaron ️Autistic Pansexual ️, Chaotic Good V.I.P Member

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    No, it's unprofessional, and more than a tad creepy.
     
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  18. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That's an awful idea. If any of the professionals I met behaved in such way towards me, I would freak out. Therapy is supposed to be a safe space where you can work out your issues, not find a predator that would use them against you. If you're vulnerable and wounded enough to need a professional to walk you through your emotions, then you're too vulnerable to date that professional.
     
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  19. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I've heard that doctors (therapists, etc.) who honestly have such intentions will transfer you to another doctor, before they would pursue such a relationship in earnest. Even under the best of circumstances (where you marry that person), they would be least qualified to provide long-term care due to being too close.

    Yes, a medically-trained spouse could apply first aid, but they wouldn't be a good choice for complicated surgery. They would have too much personal investment at the expense of necessary objectivity.
     
  20. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    If two people in such a situation really love each other, the connection must be broken off. The patient needs to switch doctors. Depending on the situation, maybe get a lawyer involved to make sure all possible ties that could be considered inappropriate are severed. I believe medical professionals also have to keep patient records for 7 years as well. It's hard to make work even if it should work. Take all the pre-cautions you can if you are in such a situation that could be acceptable.